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We only accept vendors on our free pro-gay wedding vendor list who are well-rated and whose businesses are gay-friendly. To apply to be on our free vendor list, please fill out our form here!
Read more about our advertising requirements on our About page. To inquire regarding advertising information, please contact us.
Tips for Vendors
So You’re EnGAYged strives to make it easier for couples to choose vendors that they would feel most comfortable hiring. In an effort to ensure the vendors we highlight are knowledgeable about gay issues, we have provided a FAQ so you can be better equipped to answer questions or make your couples feel most comfortable.
What is the legal status of gay marriage?
While five states (Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, and Maine) have the freedom to marry for gay couples, there are seven states — Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New York, and Iowa — that officially pledge non-discrimination against marriages between same-sex couples.
Because New Mexico’s laws do not prohibit marriage between same-sex couples, there is no impediment to New Mexico same-sex couples marrying in Massachusetts or California and having their marriage honored in New Mexico. While Massachusetts’ government directed that licenses could be given to New Mexico couples, the New Mexico state government has not taken action to ensure they will be honored.
Various states now offer broad protections short of marriage including civil unions in New Jersey, and New Hampshire and broad domestic partnerships in Oregon Washington, and California. Smaller packages of protections for same-sex couples are available in Hawaii, Maryland, and the District of Columbia. All of these states continue to work toward marriage.
With these advances, nearly 13-percent of the US population lives in a state which either has the freedom to marry for gay couples or honors out-of-state marriages of gay couples. Over one-third of the US population (34-percent) lives in a state which provides some form of protections for gay couples.
Taken from Freedom To Marry, http://www.freedomtomarry.org/
Contracts: a better way to word it
As a wedding vendor, you most likely have a contract you give each couple to sign. Have you looked closely at it? Most likely you have a spot that says Bride and Groom. Replace that wording with:
- Partner A and Partner B.
- Client A and Client B.
- Blank area for clients to write in their own information.
- Couple.
- Using Bride/Groom twice and having them circle the appropriate title.
Stereotypes
It can be easy to look at a same-sex couple and assume one partner is more ‘masculine’ or more ‘feminine’. But it pays to stay away from that kind of mentality. Don’t assume one will want flowers and the other not. Don’t pose the couple in classic heterosexual poses for photographs. Always ask before assuming. Some appropriate questions:
- “How do you envision your ________________ (photographs, flowers, clothing, etc.)?”
- “What will each of you be wearing?”
- “What pronoun do you prefer?” (in reference to gender)
or more basically,
- “Tell me about yourselves and your ceremony”
Outness is an issue
We encourage all of our vendors to openly display same-sex couples on their websites and in promotional materials in the same way and place they would display heterosexual couples. That said, for employment and other personal reasons, some same-sex couples cannot have their images, likenesses, or names publicized. You should be willing to accommodate and bring up the issue of publicized material.
Types of Ceremonies
Different couples (both LGBT and straight) have different attitudes towards the term “marriage”. Be sensitive: ask all couples whether to refer to their celebration as a wedding, commitment ceremony, or something else (lead off with “wedding” to show your appreciation for many couples’ claiming of that word). Many couples, gay and straight, have religious ceremonies. It is not the vendor’s place (unless you are an officiant) to question the religious validity of any given couple’s marriage. While LGBT couples are fighting for civil marriage, many choose religious ceremonies and negotiate their own paths in their communities of faith.
Got a Question? Ask Natalie!
Natalie is So You’re EnGAYged’s resident “gay expert”. With a lesbian wedding of her own under her belt, along with a degree in LGBT Studies, Natalie keeps up with political and social movements surrounding LGBT rights and culture. In addition to weekly blogging, you can always ask Natalie a question by emailing her at nprizel [at] gmail.com. She’ll do her best to answer your question or direct you to someone who can.
