I started my internet-based wedding planning at the mothership, TheKnot.com. I went there because it seemed the thing to do, and because I had heard they featured gay weddings. I signed up for an account and only two days after getting engaged I was apparently way behind – I had like 197 overdue items on my Knot checklist! I had sort of hoped for the best when we got to sign up as “bride” and “bride” on the login page. But the equality ended there, save for a quick mention on the not-updated-very-often Real Gay Weddings page. Instead, I had to go through my super-over-due checklist and manually delete all the “groom” stuff, even though I never signed up for a groom! I found more of the same on similar sites, and concluded they all really just want to make a buck. Whether it be on one bride and one groom or two of each, they wanted to sell me the dream of the perfect wedding – the perfect bride(s), the perfect groom(s), and the perfectly monogrammed napkins. It wasn’t for me, in so many ways.

I was disheartened at having to put in the extra effort, but was still basking in the glow of love and support from our friends and family so I plodded on. I started talking with vendors by phone and email, I found myself using gender-neutral language, saying partner and we and all that ambiguous stuff. I don’t know what I was trying to do, trick them? So that on the wedding day I could be like “Surprise! We’re both chicks!” I spoke with a coordinator at one site, who congratulated me on finding Mr. Right. I was met with a few extra beats of silence at another when I asked if they’d done same sex weddings before (the answer was unsurprisingly No). And at David’s Bridal, when asked for my groom’s name and whether we’d be looking at tuxes, I responded actually it’s two brides and no thank you on the tuxes and the salesgirl froze and then nervously turned to her manager (I still get calls and postcards from the Men’s Warehouse via David’s asking if my husband has picked out a suit yet. First of all, it’s not a husband until you’re married. And second of all, I don’t want a husband or a suit!). I realized I had to step up my game.

I felt like it was unfair that I had to constantly come out to strangers, explain my relationship and our roles (Q: which one is the bride? A: Uh, both of us?). I guess I had forgotten that we are two women, two brides. We have been, at least for the past few years, surrounded by support and acceptance and haven’t really had to struggle with much homophobia, and not even much heteronormativity in any formal way. I hadn’t thought of our lives as being particularly revolutionary, or alternative, or political. But every time I was asked for my groom’s name or had to correct their “he’s” with “she’s,” I realized that what we are doing – committing to a lifetime with each other – is really rocking the world’s boat a little bit. Like a good feminist, I was really getting another life lesson in how the personal is political, and together we were certain that our personal choices were going to support our political beliefs in equality.

I shifted my approach after that. I right off the bat asked vendors about their experiences with same-sex weddings, and I didn’t penalize them if they didn’t have any. Instead, I then asked about their position on marriage equality, like so:

Have you photographed/hosted/worked at same sex weddings before? If so, could we see a sample of your work from these events? If not, what is your stance on marriage equality? We are looking to include local vendors who truly support marriage equality in all aspects of our celebration, so it’s important that we ask and have an opportunity to discuss this with you. Thanks and we look forward to hearing from you!

Some vendors didn’t email back (an obvious lack of support, or at least a lack of good customer service). Some simply said they didn’t have a stance on marriage equality, so I thanked them and hung up after telling them that I think they’d benefit from learning more about it and that I’d be taking my business to a vendor who supports it/me/us. And so many more than I expected responded with heartfelt support and a total endorsement of their belief in the importance of marriage equality. I could tell that for many of them, it wasn’t just about making a buck off the gays. It was truly about supporting love and marriage in all its forms, in allowing equality to grow and flourish. Unsurprisingly, those are the vendors we’re working with – the ones who are beyond cool about us being two brides (and while I hate the fact that we have to seek acceptance from people we are paying to do work for us, it’s nice to know these people aren’t too hard to find. Just check the SYE Vendor list for a start!).

Our photographers totally passed the essay portion of the test by responding to my initial inquiry with: “We photographed a same sex wedding this past year and I can definitely show you some images! Both of us believe that marriage equality is a basic civil right and wholeheartedly support your cause. We would love to be part of capturing your love and this celebration of it!” I was disappointed not to see photos of a same sex wedding on their website, but loved that they sent us hundreds of photos of the wedding they had just recently shot with two lovely brides. Just recently, when I told them I was blogging and wanted to take the opportunity to encourage them to become SYE approved vendors, they noted that they will be updating their website soon to better reflect the diversity of their clients (I may need to push a little more to get them to fill out the application!). Our reception site has hosted a number of same-sex weddings before (one of which was not featured on their website but proudly displayed on their photographer’s webpage), but their wedding coordinator there was very open? accepting? normal? to us and even offered suggestions for how to get two brides down the aisle.  When we went to register, I was ready for a battle when I had to cross out “groom” on all the paperwork and then was handed a tote bag with two beaming straight couples pasted onto the sides, but our registrant Linda gave us a hearty “congratulations” and said she was so happy for us. She seemed genuine, even if she only wanted us to sign up for nice towels and a salad bowl. Our DJ simply congratulated us and started talking about music. Importantly, our vendors have all used gender-neutral/gender-inclusive language in their contracts. In doing so they have, intentionally or otherwise, joined us in our revolutionary act of love.

So, lovely readers – Did you know that you are part of a revolution?!? How awesome is that? Or, how much does it suck to have to fight to love someone? How have you dealt with your own expectations, others’ reactions, the wedding industrial complex at large? Any surprises, for better or worse?

Basically, I’m part of an black, quirky, somewhat femme-y, awesome couple that is going to be getting married in March of 2012. Now if marriage becomes legal in New York, that date will probably get pushed up a bit. What? Marriage? New York? Aren’t you in Atlanta? Well, I am until next week – that is. Afterward, my fiancee and I will be in the New York City (well, Brooklyn), starting our lives over and getting back to our wedding planning.

So, as you can imagine things have been hectic in our lives. As I’m typing, I am surrounded by lists of things to complete at my job, stuff that needs to be donated or sold (my car included) and things I need to wrap up at the office before I leave. Did I mention my last day is “tentatively” tomorrow and I’m knee-deep in Excel trying to fix a spreadsheet that someone mucked up. That is another story all together.

I’m sure you all are interested in hearing about wedding stuff and I’m not the tale of my coming unglued. So here we go! Well, I have kept in the mix of the SYE family, I love it too much not to. Right now, I’m helping out in the social media and newsletter department (by the way, always looking for feedback for either endeavor) – so I feel like I still keep informed with everyone even if I don’t blog as much as I used to.

Hopefully, that is changing with this post. Like I said, the move is next week but with most of my stuff in storage, I’m not as stressed as I once was and I can see the end in sight (or  at least that is what I’d like to tell myself).

In closing, what can you expect from me? Well, hopefully some laughs, a lot of stumbling (after all, NYC is huge) and some lovely wedding details. Because there would be so many places for us to get hitched and who doesn’t love to visit NYC? So, it wouldn’t be hard to convince folks to come.

Also, I have to say. It’s nice to be back. I missed writing for you all.

White Knot ribbons + customized buttons by ButtonEmpire = corsages.

(Photos clockwise by Button Empire, K. Ono, and Wyatt Olson Photography)

A wedding with two brides should be gay enough right? Well, yes, but… sometimes you just want to make sure everybody’s getting the message: We’re Here, We’re Queer, and this is a Big F**king Deal! For that, sometimes you need to add a little gay detailia to your wedding, rainbow or otherwise…

To begin our gay detailia, we ordered a White Knot kit and sent them to my maid of honor for assembly. (Thank you, KT!) Next, we found our sassy wedding buttons to complete the ‘corsages’ for ourselves, the bridal party and our family from ButtonEmpire on Etsy. The corsages were comprised of a white knot + a London map button (20 buttons made from one map of London) + an ‘I’m with the bride(s)’ button (later used expertly by Julie & Jacqueline in their La Jolla wedding as well!). As an extra perk for Alex and me, ButtonEmpire created 2 special buttons that read ‘Those whom Love hath brought together let no Prop put asunder.’ — a fantastic button-with-bite pointing to the fact that we couldn’t legally marry in my home state of California because of Prop 8.

That certain CA proposition, however, also led to another purchase on Etsy: ‘Shame on H8′ earrings by SYE-approved vendor, Alaine Jewelry. The entire cost of these earrings, made with Swarovski crystals, went to a marriage equality campaign of my choice. Double bonus!

(Photos by Alaine Jewelry and Wyatt Olson Photography, respectively.)

Continuing the rainbow theme, Bridesmaid Kate offered to knit me a rainbow shawl from a pattern on ravelry.com (there are a ton to choose from!) and it turned out beautiful. The wedding day itself ended up being much warmer than expected so I didn’t actually get to wear it but for a few photos. I will now, though, have a rainbow shawl to wear whenever I please… (Ah, if a rainbow shawl was all it took for people to know ‘I’m queer!’)

The rainbow-ness continued into our cake and DIY cake topper: a white, buttercream cake with white chocolate buttons on the outside, a rainbow (white) cake on this inside, topped off an embroidery hoop for ‘The Brides.’ The cross-stitch pattern was inspired by our Country Kitsch RSVP card, designed by Bridesmaid Christy who wanted to throw in a bit-o-gay into our invites! The inside of the cake was an inspiration for a post ages ago on SYE and we were able to keep it a secret from (most of ) our guests until the actual cutting!

(Photo on left and top right by K. Ono; photo on bottom left by Wyatt Olson Photography.)

Elsewhere on the cake table, we added a few other touches that were gay-flag-esque. One was a gift from a family friend who collects Pez: a set of two Toy Story 2 ‘Jessie’ Pez dispensers. They would have been adorable as cake toppers as well for our country kitsch do, but we were already sorted on that front. Still, we added them to the decorations as our honorary ‘Bride & Bride’ figurines.

We also put our wedding certificate on the table for all the guests to sign during the reception. We hoped that having it on display, and asking all of our guests to sign it, would remind people that while they were ratifying our love by their witness, the government bodies of our state and country weren’t going to be.

One not-so-obvious gay detail from our ceremony was my choice of poem: ‘White Writing’ by Carol Ann Duffy. Now the UK Poet Laurette, Duffy has been very open about her bisexuality for a long time and her poetry doesn’t shy away from the subject matter either. The poem ‘White Writing’ was presumably written for Rapture (2005) before the UK Civil Partnership Act was put into law the same year it was published. To me, the poem references the creation of ‘a marriage where we’re told there shouldn’t be one,’ to quote our ceremony script. By ‘writing it white,’ we as a couple are creating our own rules to live by, whether our union is legally recognized or not. To draw a bit more attention to Duffy as a poet during the ceremony as well, we also found a gorgeous copy of a new collection called Love Poems which you can see Bridesmaids Corinne and Mallory holding in the photo below.

All the rainbows, candy dispensers, and poetry aside, though, the biggest statement we made on our wedding day was putting our names on the county fair marquee announcing our wedding reception. This may not seem such a big deal–there are a number of venues which will announce your wedding on their marquees–but it made me nervous nonetheless. I talked about some of my fears around having our wedding in my very small, Northern California town here before, but just because I’d written them didn’t mean I’d gotten rid of them!

You see, the last time I was at the fairgrounds before our wedding, it was November 2008 and I was voting No on Prop 8 while my drive to that polling station had been lined with Yes on 8 signs–my county was a firm ‘red’ on that measure. And even as our last names do not signify our gender (i.e. someone randomly passing by wouldn’t guess it was a gay wedding),  my family is known around town and anyone that’s spoken to my parents in the last few years knew I was marrying a lady! We didn’t have any of the negative reaction I feared by publicizing our wedding reception, but I do know many of the people in town took notice–and, thankfully, we received much praise and love for our public gesture.

All photos by Wyatt Olson Photography (unless otherwise noted!)

Didn’t catch the previous recaps of the California Country Kitsch Love Fest? Get ‘em here:

The Reception

Cocktail Hour & Family Portraits

A Ceremony with ‘work to do’

Rock n Roll Portraits

Bridal Party Love

Getting Ready in the Morn’

Lead up & Rehearsel Dinner

Country Kitsch Wedding Preview!

But, par for the course for Em and me, things have changed yet again.  We have since decided that we would speed the process up and try to get legally married on our actual ceremony date.  Which means my changing my name and gender marker and getting our officiant ordained.

We’re working on my name and gender change in hopes that we can get it all accomplished by 9-10-11.  I have contacted the legal services staff at Whitman Walker Clinic, the local LGBT health clinic in D.C., to help walk me through all the steps that I will need to take.  I have also scheduled my surgery for April 5^th, which just happens to be 3 days after my birthday.  I’d also like to get my gender marker changed on my Florida birth certificate however it isn’t necessary that I change it before the ceremony as my passport and driver’s license will suffice for the “legal” wedding.

All that being said, on a personal level, Em and I are excited that we will be able to marry legally and take advantage of all the benefits of a legally wed “heterosexual couple.” We are, however, angered by the fact that we are now able to legally marry and have our marriage be recognized in every state, only because I decided to transition.  It is unfair and infuriating that not everyone is able to legally marry whomever they choose no matter their legal gender.  Rights for LGBT people have definitely come a long way, but clearly things are still not where they need to be.

Viva le OffBeat Bride!

Currently, we are trying to nail down particulars and deets for the celebration along with picking out colors (which, will be chocolate and lilac) and figuring out locales in DC that would be suitable. We have about three places we want to look into and being that we plan to go up to DC not just for scouting locations but for taste tests; I’m so excited about this – even though, I’m afraid of the DC price tag – it really means a lot for us to have our wedding up there. I plan to post pictures of the places, once I get to see them because I’m really excited and I don’t want to get my hopes up in case they are out of our price range.

Another thing that I’m happy for is that my MOH is as excited about us planning the wedding as we are. For my Christmas presents, she bought me two wedding themed books. One is a wedding planner, which of course is geared to the straight women but I feel I can make it work and a book on gay and lesbian weddings, which I plan to read during my down times during the holidays. Has anyone had any experience with the below mentioned wedding planner? I have only skimmed the surface of it but the layout seems friendly enough for the Type A part of my personality but whimsical enough for my creative side, I don’t like that I have to cross out groom and put bride but I know it comes with the territory.  Maybe I’ll give a review of it once I read the whole thing.

My Wedding Planner

The gay lesbian wedding book is rather interesting. It is part relationship story, part planning advice and it seems relatively new when it comes to information which I’m really happy about.

Gay Lesbian Weddings

So the best friend did a really good job and it makes me happy that I have her support when it comes to putting on this wedding. I will make sure to talk about the books more in detail after I am finished reading them. Also, please let me know of any books that you feel I should read, I’m always up for it!

How could I be worried with family as awesome as this?

Not going to lie: my biggest fear about the wedding is that someone is gonna show up with a shotgun at our wedding intending to wield it in an unwieldy way–all because we’re gay. The thought is so out there, I don’t even know how to describe it to you. It’s a fear based in newspaper headlines and jokes about my rural county but still, scary sh*t in the wee hours of the morning.

Mostly though, it’s not a family member in this fear that’s doing the gun pointing. Another truth: I’m not sure how some of my family members are or will be at the wedding. But when I’m not freaking myself out with hate-crime scenarios, I do occasionally make up the dialogue that may or not be going on in my extended family’s minds. Partly, it’s because I didn’t really come out to my family. Like, really. I just sent the–count’em up–83 of them a Save the Date via email last November with a clear distinction that I was marrying an Alexandra and not an Alexander, not matter that she went by Alex. With that in mind, what’s going on in their minds? Do they think it’s weird that I’ve married a woman? Are they trying to figure out which one of us is the groom? What will they think of Alex? Are they for or against gay marriage? How much does it matter and how much of it is family?

My cousin got married a few years ago and I hitched a ride to the wedding in Yosemite with my dad’s cousin and his family. We were talking about our large extended family, wondering what the heck some of them were thinking, like you do, when my dad’s cousin just looked out over the steering wheel and said, ‘But when it comes down to it, we’re family and you’re there for your family.’

That statement has pretty much been a saving grace for my sanity during the last few weeks in the build up to the California wedding. With the shindig in my home town this time, I’m feeling a bit more of the pressure and nerves of anticipation. A few RSVPs have come back with ‘No can do partner…’ and I can’t seem to help but ask ‘Is it because we’re a same-sex couple?’ Then I remember that no, the world does not revolve around me, and some people–friends or family–might actually have something else they need or want to do, or they might not be able to afford to come, or it’s too far for them physically. Or, they might be uncomfortable with the idea of our marriage, and whatever the answer is I’m OK with that.

What I learned from doing this the first time around in England is that sometimes the people you least expect to be accepting or appreciative or loving about our union are the most accepting or appreciative or loving. Case it point: Alex’s grandmother. Grannie turns 90 in December and when Alex’s mum announced we were engaged last year, her only comment, for a woman who doesn’t often make clear pronouncements, was that she didn’t agree with same-sex marriage.  I was nervous (there was that fear again!) and Alex was adamant that Grannie was going to be there–it was her Grannie after all! On the day of the wedding, Grannie beamed from noon to midnight and wrote us this on her postcard/guest book to us:

Lovely day. Lovely view. Lovely place. Lovely Ceremony. Lovely crowd. Lovely time. With all  my love and every good wish for your future. To the lovely couple.

We both got tears in our eyes when we read her postcard, so much was our expectation that her response would be the opposite, or almost worse, nothing at all.

I have no idea what the next few weeks in the wedding run-up and actual day will bring for Alex and I with our family and friends, but I will remember that FDR really knew what he was talking about: ‘There is nothing to fear but fear itself.’ I guess there’s another truth as well: You just never know what you’re family is gonna do until they do it, so you might not worry about it too much in advance.

Marriage is also about supporting each other’s life ambitions.

On a whim, Ginger and I posted this list of goals on our fridge months ago. 1) “Wasabi gets her MBA.” Last month, I celebrated finishing up grad school. It was a long three+ years of work in the making. While I was getting ready for graduation, Ginger cracked a bottle of champagne and handed me a mimosa. It made me think about how far we have come since toasting our college graduation. Back then, we didn’t have jobs. We didn’t know where our first apartment would be. I had taken the GMAT but had no idea what school I would end up at. We just knew that we were embarking on something together. Four years later, we have made a home in New Orleans. Ginger has held my hand through applying to Business school. She built up my confidence when I needed it. She celebrated my successes, and had lovely dinners ready when I got home late.  Together, we forged through this last semester somehow, with each of us working full time and in class or studying every night. We made it through together.

Next on the list, her school stuff. This year, I will be returning to my housewife duties while I support her through post bac classes and school applications, like she did for me. Then, we will move (after the wedding) to wherever her studies take us (hopefully, somewhere with lots of snow and mountains).

Finally, “get married.” Getting married isn’t just about party planning. Though, that part is a lot of fun. It’s also about meetings with my Rabbi on conversion, and making family traditions together. It’s about talking through our future goals and making a five year financial plan. More than anything else, it’s about setting out to manifest our goals and dreams as a unit, the two of us against the world. So, I guess you could say our fridge says a lot about the kind of marriage we are planning- where the support we get from one another makes us bolder and better.

While the wedding is only a few days away, I’ve been a wife for 17 months already.  The question I have spent a lot of time answering lately, posed by myself and others, has been ”Why have a wedding if you’re already married?” -  so the question of “Why marriage?” hasn’t been knocking around my brain for a while.  But the question of “Why marriage?” was one that I spent a lot of time pondering, even before I was set to be married.

Back before I was a part of a marriage, I devoted my academic studies to marriage and the queer identity.  I wrote my graduate thesis on the topic of how queer identity is influenced by the “performance” of contemporary interpretations of wedding traditions and the legal, social, and economic factors of marriage and the wedding industry.  *Insert snyde academic remark about the social construction of “love” and the perils of heteronormative sterilization of queer identity here.* (For the record, I was very much in favour of marriage and saw it as having a great deal of positive potential for shaping the future of queer community-building… but anyway…)

So, it’s all well and good to sit back and “problematize” an institution from a distance, but then you fall in love with someone from another country but want live in the same place and be their emergency contact number and make squishy little babies with them and fall asleep next to them every night and walk through the world knowing that your partnership is respected and protected.  And that’s when it gets a lot more REAL.  Then you sign documents and repeat vows in front of an officiant and then go home and look at each other and can’t say anything except “We’re married!?!?” for a week straight it’s a lot more REAL.  And for every happy moment I get to share with my best friend, there is something somewhere in the back of my head that is thinking “I can’t believe I get to do this forever!  Awesome!” .  And for every little spat, and even the bigger arguments, there is no out, there’s nowhere to go, there are no games to play – I have pledged to work through everything that comes up.  We have bound our lives together; I have given myself over to a commitment to be a full partner to another human being, to be responsible to them, and to fully integrate them into the building of my future.  That is REAL.

So while I still keep a critical eye on how our queer marriage exists in this society, and how gender roles play into our partnership, and how our queer identities evolve as we engage in the marriage paradigm, and how we struggle with the personal and public aspects of our queer existence in a heteronormative institution, and all the other blah blah blah that comes with being who we are… it’s the REAL stuff of our marriage that fills my heart and my head every minute of every day.  In the place of deep, deep love that is the foundation of our marriage, there is no room for cynicism or the distance I once tried to put between myself and anything sentimental.  This has been the first, of what will be many, lessons learned by me in my marriage and is but one of the multitude of ways in which my marriage is making me a better person.

Let’s start with one of my favorite terms, the “Boston marriage.” Back then, ladies committed to other ladies and worked towards a future of equality, though the relationships weren’t always sexual. But with the word “marriage” in the title, it’s a safe bet that it was sometimes. With a form of same-sex marriage named after one of its cities, it’s no surprise that Massachusetts was the first state in this country to allow legal same-sex marriage.

According to the Advocate, “the first marriage in the nation designed to legally bind two persons of the same sex” was between Neva Heckman and Judith Belew on June 12, 1970. There are many other milestones in the next 30 years, but things really start to pick up steam for the LGBT-marriage movement in the beginning of the 21st century.
In the year 2000, Vermont becomes the first state to offer civil unions as a way for same-sex couples to pledge their commitment to each other, and in 2009, the state took the next step and approved same-sex marriage. The following year, the Netherlands became the first country to give same-sex couples all the rights afforded to heterosexual married couples.

Same-sex marriage was legalized in Connecticut in 2008, Iowa in 2009, and New Hampshire in 2010. It is recognized and performed nationwide in seven countries – Belgium, Canada, the Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Spain, and Sweden. Dozens of other countries and cities perform and recognize civil unions.

Looking back on the history of same-sex marriage, we’ve come a long way. Gay couples no longer have to live in secret, with one of them living as the opposite sex in order to gain approval from the community. But for every Neva Heckman, there’s a Fred Phelps. For each LGBT and LGBT-supportive person, there’s someone who calls our lifestyle deviant and says that we should not be afforded the same rights as heterosexual couples. Even though we are closer than we ever have been to marriage equality, what that amounts to is a mere 10% of the country allowing same-sex marriage.

So You’re EnGAYged is a wonderful resource for enGAYged couples, but what we as a community have to remember is though the wedding is important, the marriage is even more so. Each time a couple pledges commitment in front of friends and family (and God, if that’s what you believe), we’re taking an important step in the right direction. But it’s by living through example in a marriage that will help the world realize that we’re not so different from other couples.

It’s easy to get caught up in the wedding planning — the favors, the invites, the food, the reception — but through it all, it’s important to keep in mind that the wedding is only one day. The marriage is what our LGBT predecessors fought so strongly for. Let’s honor them and each other by living each day of our lives with the goal of not just a fabulous wedding, but a strong marriage.

Hello Supporters & Allies, Critics and Sign-holders… Dear People Against Gay Marriage and People Against Marriage… How’s it going, Peanut Gallery and the Preached-to-Choir,

I’d like you to meet my wife.

Her name is Alex, short for Alexandra, previously known as ‘Topsey.’ She is 5’2″ with eyes of brown that squint up real tight when she smiles. Roughly 99% of the time, she orders a mocha from a coffee shop; the other 1% of the time, we are in California and she orders Iced Tea instead. She became my wife, my civil partner, on 17th April 2010. She is the medic and I am the writer. She loves to read and I think the Blue Whale is the most amazing creature on earth. Sometimes I tell her she has whale’s eyes, cause hers are so soft and compassionate, but she doesn’t really like that all too much… In case that wasn’t reason enough to fall in love with her (and for those of you that can’t hear her laugh or watch her smile, I can understand there might be some disconnect), let me explain why I married her.

Reason #1: We like to be practical.

I don’t know about you, but I like to live in the same country as the person with whom I’m in love. I also like to share a flat and a bedroom with her and, sometime in the future, I’d like to share a mortgage with her as well. Alex and I also want a family with little children running round and maybe a small dog or black cat and we’d like to ensure that each of us, together, can protect and support our family, however we might come together. It is also pretty radical, if you’re still reading this dear people, that if she gets sick, I can hold her hand in the hospital, and if I pass away, she will be given all that was mine. They may seem like small things to ask for in life on this internet page, but I have been told–and done extensive research–that being married helps obtain these things more easily.

Reason #2: Sometimes you can’t always be practical.

This reasoning is often the domain of the poet–’I love you this way because I know no other way of loving’ (Pablo Neruda) and ‘No vows written to wed you,/I write them white,/my lips on yours,/light in the soft hours of our married years.’ (Carol Ann Duffy)–and being a poet, I could dwell here for hours. I won’t now, that would never do for a blog–but, remember my wife? She wraps her arms around me when I’m cranky or sad and says, ‘Let me love you.’ She understands the need to have maple syrup, peanut butter and soya milk in our cupboards at all times. If only you could meet her, if you could see us together, I think then maybe you would understand instantly. Maybe. Well then, have you ever written your own vows, or spoken about marriage in the same breath as courage and love and faith? Have you ever picked out a ring to wear on your left-hand and as you were looking at the myriad choices thought, ‘I want this to remind me of *insert wedding date here* and know in my heart I was true?’ Has your family ever stood around you and told you, whether it was spoken or not: today, we love you; today, we uphold you as one; today, we say you are married and we couldn’t be more excited? Well then, maybe you’re getting closer…

Reason #3: Commitment rocks.

I’ve never been one for affairs or cheating. A one-woman-woman we both are, but allow me to let you in on a secret I’ve discovered in the last few weeks: being married doesn’t just mean I can’t be with somebody else–physically, emotionally, whatever–I realized, in the very core of me now, how much I don’t want to be with anyone else but her. And that, my friends, no matter which way you spin it, is so much cooler. Bring on the tattoo over my heart, I say.

Reason #4: Love.

If you type the word ‘love’ into iTunes, the search results give you 200 songs. If you search for books on Amazon with the word ‘love,’ they provide you with 219,828 titles to choose from. If you Google ‘love,’ there are 1,300,000,000 pages you can browse across the internet. And if you could see the way I look at my wife, you would know instantly that the first word that came from lips the morning after we first kissed was ‘love.’ End of story. Period. Y punto. I married her because I love her. She married me because she loves me.

Why marriage? Meet my wife.

Yours sincerely,

Erica, wife

Photo by Cornish Wedding Photography