So You're EnGAYged

As Save the Dates and the wedding website have gone out, I’ve been reflecting recently on my proposal to Alex, telling different parts of the story along the way. Last night, I told someone the story of how I talked to Alex’s parents about getting engagement before I proposed to Alex–and I thought I’d share it with you.

Being the slightly more impulsive/quick decision-maker of the two, I decided I was going to propose to Alex sometime last year. Part of me wondered if she would beat me to the punch line, but with her head in medical books most hours of the day, I figured it would be me. With the ring and location picked out, now I just had to decide whether or not I was “asking the parents” first.

I’m not the only lady-knee-bender who asks themselves this question, but I wanted to know Alex’s opinion on the matter. I wasn’t interested in “asking for her hand in marriage,” but there was something about sitting down with her parents and having a conversation about the future that appealed to me.

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So you’re finally engaged! Congratulations! For some couples this is a immediate diving point into the complex, fun, and occasionally stressful process of planning a big ceremony and reception that is uniquely “them”. Other couples such as myself opt for longer engagement periods before taking the full fledged dive into the planning process. Whatever the case may be this is one of life pivotal moments and its definitely on worth celebrating. But many couples may be wondering what the protocol is: Do we wait a period of time after being engaged? Do guests bring gifts? Do we invite just family? Should it be formal or casual? Truthfully the answers to these questions are in you’re hands and no one else’s but here are some tips from me on how to a successful engagement party that marks start of the great big wedding planning insanity.

1. Ignore the Traditions: Etiquette aficionados will tell you that the function of an engagement party is to introduce your two families to each other and formally announce your engagement to world. But lets be honest this isn’t the 50′s, there is a good chance that your families will have met already and be well aware of your engagement. Also if they haven’t met yet perhaps this isn’t the best occasion to blend families and spring the news of your engagement, those matters may require a touch more delicacy and this occasion should be about you and your fiancée and not the mama-in-law drama. Other traditions include the parents hosting the event, elaborate decorations, and heavy teeming. Ignore these traditions and rules unless they suit you personalities, the fact is that your about to plan an event loaded with traditions. There will be time for rules, etiquette and formality.
2. Assemble the Right Crowd: Another thing etiquette guides will tell you is not to invite anyone that isn’t going to be invited to the wedding. But this can be a great opportunity to invite people who may not be able to make it to the wedding. Our wedding is going to be in Southern California so it was nice to be able to celebrate with many of our friends from Vegas. Also if its at all possible to have out of town friends attend it can be worth the extra effort to get them there. The mingling of my groomsmaids from San Francisco with Joey’s groomsmaids gave a real sense of family and our own private wedding community coming around to celebrate us.

   

   

   

   
   
   

   Photos From My Private Collection

3. Keep It Simple: Its easy to get caught up in a the images of a high society engagement party, finger foods, mimosas but really ask yourself if that’s representative of your relationship. If that’s who you are then go ahead and rock to the beat of that drum but remember your launching into planning a big and expensive party as it is so making this event as simple and stress free will help allow you to enjoy yourself. In lieu of engagement gifts we made the event B.Y.O.B and potluck. This gave us a wide variety of friends specialty foods and drinks from enchiladas and chocolate truffle cupcakes to homemade limoncello and pumpkin beer. We also held it on a night we would have held a party anyways, in our case Halloween. Which meant it was very little expense and unwanted stress for us.
4. Have Fun: At the end of the day this is just a party, its not the most important day of your life but it is a special occasion and it can be one of the most fun days of your life. Let loose and let go!

A very funny thing happened! Joe, from Turn Loose the Art, one of our Pro-Gay vendors who sent me a book to display at our Pride booth, sent along these pictures and I was looking at them thinking….hmm….something seems very familiar. One of the girls is one of our new bloggers that I haven’t introduced yet!! So we are very excited to see these gorgeous pictures.

Having fun in New York City, playing with all the wonderful lines and colors you can find makes these pictures hard to stop looking at.