Comments on: Name Change for Gay Couples

By: Wasabi

Wasabi — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:36:09 +0000

I’m struggling with this too. We are still deciding with the top contenders being me taking her last name or us both changing to my mother’s maiden name. I don’t think either of our families will care deeply one way or the other. I’m really leaning toward taking her last name. I’m also worried about gender roles, stereotypes, and what taking her name implies given that I’m also more likely to be the gestational parent. At the same time, I do see changing my name to her’s as a sort of queering of the whole naming system. I do really like that if we go that route, we will be Mesdames wasabi and ginger herlastname (two men would be Messrs). While hetero couples have to deal with one person’s name being dropped completely like Mrs. John Smith, queer couples don’t have that particular problem.

By: Alyia

Alyia — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 04:16:41 +0000

My partner and I haven’t decided yet. She has her father’s last name but always wished she didn’t (absentee dad, no contact in many years). I found that I wasn’t okay with taking her name for that reason, but also because it turns out that I’m pretty attached to my own. I think she would probably be okay with taking mine, but I want to take something of her into my name. I hate hyphenation, so the latest draft is that we’ll both be Firstname Myname Hername.

By: What if there’s no precedent? « Shan & Mike

What if there’s no precedent? « Shan & Mike — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:23:34 +0000

[...] 30, 2009 by Shannon Because it’s my favorite topic, I enjoyed reading this post and its comments on So You’re Engayged. I swear someone needs to pay me to do a study on the culture of last [...]

By: emily kate

emily kate — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:03:59 +0000

Thanks for all of the input!
I think we’re leaning now towards me just taking Lynn’s name. She offered to hyphenate (and a few of my straight friends said they liked that idea) and I went through a short phase of feeling like we should both take mine as our legal middle names, but in the end I think it’ll work out better for us if I just change mine. I’ll probably keep using my name some at work, though.
(kelly, I did google all of the permutations once I read your comment just to make sure I wouldn’t be sharing my new identity with anyone awful–as far as I can tell it’s all clear!)

By: ms. awesome

ms. awesome — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:36:59 +0000

We never really had any debate on the subject- we’ll be hyphenating (hopefully without the hyphen though). We like the idea of having the same name both for us as a couple and for future (far into the future, lol) children.

By: PK

PK — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:50:47 +0000

We are having this exact same discussion for our upcoming wedding. Both my partner and I are very attached to our last names, and would like to hyphenate but both of our last names are very long…so together it’s a bit unbearable! One thing we’re considering is to make one of our last names a second middle name for both of us and the other our “real” last name. That way we’d both get to keep our names but on a daily basis share the same one.

By: Monica

Monica — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:52:57 +0000

We are going to keep our own last names. It hasn’t even really been much of a discussion for us. But I think the main reason it isn’t (at least in my head) is because we’re not planning on having children. I think if we were, I would want us to have the same last name because of the whole family unit thing.

By: Allyn

Allyn — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:24:00 +0000

Full disclosure: I am a woman marrying a man soon, but I love the blog and am a strong supporter of gay marriage, but as I am also struggling with this issue, I wanted to share my thoughts

I have a very unique name that I adore (Milojevich, pronounced totally phonetically if you pretend the “j” is a “y”) and has wonderful meaning to me, especially after my father passed away in high school. I have always had a strong connection to my serbian heritage, so the idea of becoming a Bennett is just not going to happen. We are thinking about blending the names so that we still have the same last name, but still making it ethnic sound. Right now we are thinking Bennett + Milojevich = Bennojevich.

Or he might take my name. I like that idea a lot.

By: Lora Jane

Lora Jane — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:46:06 +0000

I considered hyphenating. That is actually a lot for me as I have two first names already, why make it worse. Then my Valerie said she would’nt do it. That in turn made me feel a little “less than”, so I guess the names will stay the same.

By: kelly

kelly — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:30:17 +0000

Natalie and I talked about changing our names. Natalie REALLY wanted to hyphenate. I thought Fitzpatrick-Prizel as a last name might be a kill joy.
I insisted on taking her last name for a few reasons(despite a LOT of pushback from Natalie)
1. The number one reason? I wanted a more unique and googable name. I know. How lame. But as an artist, having a name people could easily google and find me was a huuuuge plus. There must be 3454576567678 Kelly Fitzpatrick’s in the world.
2. I have no love for my last name. After my father passed away, my father’s side of the family never talked to me again because I’m gay. I don’t even know if my grammy on that side is still living. So carrying around that last name was a burden and painful reminder of the whole incident.
3. I really liked the idea of my kids having the same last name as the both of us. I do worry about the fact if we just hoped over one state, our marriage would mean nada…and our rights would be questionable. Having a last name might be beneficial in an emergency.