Ceremony Pet Peeves: The "Apache" Wedding Blessing and the Dreaded Unity Candle

*By Roxy*

Bookish as I am, one of the first things I did upon my engagement was to go to the library. I got a stack of wedding planning books (most of them scary and fairly useless), but my favorite by far was Rebecca Mead’s One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding. She went a little bit overboard in her vilification of the industry (as far as I’m concerned, at least), but one of her most interesting ideas was that of the marketing of the “traditionalesque.” She talks about all the things that are sold to brides in the name of “tradition” when really those things, and in fact, the big white wedding itself, is a thoroughly modern invention.

One of the most hilarious is the so-called “Apache Wedding Blessing.” I had never heard of it when I read the book, but now, a good nine months into serious wedding-culture immersion, I seem to keep bumping into it. Here’s the text; it may be fairly familiar to most of you.

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth for the other.
Now there is no more loneliness.
Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.
May your days together be good and long
upon the earth.

I just want to point out, for those of you who are thinking of using this at their wedding, and who think that this is a nice way to incorporate a Native American wedding tradition, that this is a poem invented for a Hollywood movie in 1950. It was written for Broken Arrow by the nice Jewish screenwriter Albert Maltz.

And while I’m on my soapbox, how about a mini-rant about the Unity Candle? Did you know that it’s only been around for the last thirty years? It was most likely invented by a wedding planner and became popular because of its use in a soap opera wedding. Every time I see it used in a religious ceremony, I just have to roll my eyes to myself. Because even if it weren’t a pop-cultural invention, as a symbol it’s fairly trite.

Just to clarify: I’m not being prescriptive here. Of course you should have a Unity Candle and the Apache Wedding Prayer if you want them. But be aware that their origin is not tradition, but Hollywood.