I think that feeling of intensity was why receptions were created. Receptions are meant to be the release that follows an incredibly emotionally intense experience.  The problem is that, unless you have a planner, you’ve probably put more energy into planning the reception than the ceremony, so the reception feels like a continuation of the wedding — not just a party afterwards.

If you think this might be the case for you, I strongly encourage you to plan an afterparty.  I hadn’t realized how important it was going to be for me.  As soon as I got into the bar after our reception, it was like a giant weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I promptly spilled beer on my dress (and didn’t care) and started loudly toasting with my friends.  For me, it turned out to be an absolute necessity.

All photographs by Kelly Prizel Photography

Our reception was held in the Red Barn at Hampshire College in Amherst, MA.  We ate good food and drank great beer (great beer was on our “will not compromise on this” list) and toasted with lots of champagne.  We sated our sweet-tooth with my aunt’s delicious cupcakes and danced to contra music provided by a local band called the Flying Garbanzos.  To sum up, we just generally indulged.

The dancing was all group dances called by a contra dance caller — which was totally dorky, but super fun. I think the highlight of the evening was when the caller decided to call a dance in French and had us all shouting “une, duex, trios, Poussée!” just before pushing off of each other to jump into the air.  I guess “poussée” means “push” in French, but really sounds like something else.  At the afterparty we kept toasting by yelling “une, duex, trois, Poussée!” and then erupting into fourth-grade laughter.

It turns out that dancing with your friends and grandparents at the same time is really fun.  Like, really fun.  Why don’t we get to do it more often?  I should start inviting my grandparents out to clubs.  They make everything better.

It was fun, and joyous, and totally overwhelming.  I could not have asked for anything more.  There was so much love and joy and support.  We are truely blessed.

All photographs by Kelly Prizel Photography

We ended our reception with a mini concert, which I’ll fill you in on for my next post…

All photographs by Kelly Prizel Photography

I went a little craft crazy with our wedding. Which was weird, since I had never undertaken a craft project in my life up to that point. I think I was just really scared that our wedding would end up looking like every other wedding in the history of weddings. I’m not sure why that scared me so much — probably because I was unsure about my feelings about weddings and marriage in the first place. So I crafted away for months and months (I’m not sure I would recommend taking on so many crafty details to anyone else — although I loved it, I did feel a little insane in the weeks before the wedding). So here they are… all the pretty little details, for your enjoyment!

Escort Cards and Table Numbers

You may remember from this post, that I was particularly excited about these vintage math flash cards. And they did not disappoint. They were pretty, they were unique, and I think people got a kick out of ‘em.

Favors

Near the beginning of our planning process, we stumbled upon the notion of giving scratch-off lotto tickets as favors. I really loved the idea and I think Beau loved it even more. We’d gone to so many weddings and showers from which we took home trinkets that sat in the trunk of our car for months before we threw whatever they were away. So, scratch-off lotto tickets seemed perfect: they were fun, you didn’t have to take them home with you, and they benifited the great state of Massachusetts in all it’s gay-marriage-loving glory.

But once we decided on the favors, we were left with the dilemma of how to display them. I mean, they’re not pretty. So after many, many months of pondering the question, we settled on creating petal envelopes with messages of thanks (because I really liked the idea of favors being a thank-you to all the folks who took the time and spent the money to be with us for our wedding). You can’t see it in this picture, but the back of each petal envelope is sealed with a penny that is superglued to the spot where the petals meet. Folks used their penny to scratch their tickets — and we even had a few winners!

Cupcakes

I am lucky enough to have two gourmet chef aunts. Okay, so, they’re really English professors, BUT, if they wanted to be gourmet chefs, they could be. They’re that good. And when I told them we had gotten engaged, the first thing out of their mouths was “we’re making the cake.” I could not have been more thrilled. These cupcakes still haunt my dreams, months later. I think my biggest regret from the wedding was that I didn’t eat more of them. I actually kick myself about that on a regular basis. No joke.

Flags!

You may remember the flags from the ceremony post. I really think they were one of my favorite things about the whole affair. They were the little thing that made it all feel like “us.” One of my friend’s made a facebook photo album of our wedding in which her “yay” flag is predominantly displayed in every photo. Love it.

Childhood Photos

In the weeks before the wedding, we collected hundreds of childhood photos to put on display at the reception. The whole weekend really felt like a coming-together of families and it was nice to recognize the roles that all of our friends and family had played in the years leading up to our union. We picked a lot of photos that had folks who would be in attendance with us in our younger years.

Not-Quite Programs

We didn’t actually have programs. I was planning on it until the very end when it just didn’t seem neccesary. We had asked my grandmother, who is writer, to write a poem for our wedding. She wrote a beautiful tear-jerking wonderful poem. What we didn’t know was that as a surprise to us, she had a graphic designer turn the poem into a piece of art and create copies for everyone. So, instead of programs, we had my grandmother’s beautiful poem. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

Centerpieces

Early in the planning process, I put my mother in charge of centerpieces. Centerpieces were out of my sight and out of my mind until a month before the wedding when I started to freak out about them — since we didn’t have a florist and I had put pretty much no thought into flowers or centerpieces. Well, it turns out that there was absolutely no need to freak out because my mother had put SO MUCH effort into the centerpieces that I started to wonder if I should have delegated more to her. She had spent the year collected thousands (literally thousands) of pieces of sea glass and ocean rocks which she lugged back from remote islands in her kayak. She had also been buying up vintage milk bottles from thrift store and yard sales for an entire year. And she concoted a grand plan to pick all of the flowers on the morning of the wedding (which she did) from local wildflower fields. It was just stunning.

All photographs by Kelly Prizel Photography

Next up… the reception!

All Photographs by Kelly Prizel Photography

One of my favorite wedding bloggers (sadly, I can’t remember which one… but I bet it was Meg at apracticalwedding, she was my wedding planning guru through the whole process) said that a personal, moving ceremony sets the scene for the entire wedding. She seemed to think that it didn’t really matter what happened after the ceremony because if people felt like they had just played a part in something deeply moving and sacred, they would experience the wedding as a wonderful event, no matter what kind of table linens or music or favors there were at the reception. That bit of advice really stuck with me and looking back on our wedding I think it is absolutely true.

We put a lot of effort into making sure that our ceremony was as personal as possible.We wanted to partake in traditional rituals (vows, rings, readings, music, pronouncement, etc), but in a way that reflected our values and our relationship. And because of that planning work even the two very big things that went wrong (the torential downpour that forced our wedding inside and the fact that our minister (my lesbian aunt) fell ill and could not officiate), didn’t make a bit of difference to us in the moment.

So, here are the things that made our ceremony reflect us:

1. The music. Throughout the planning process, my friend and very talented singer/songwriter Kelly McFarling kept popping into my head. We were lucky enough to have her sing and play (on her banjo) an original song, “Reach” (you can hear it on her myspace page if you’d like) accompanied by another good friend of ours on the guitar. She also played our processional and recessional on the banjo.

2. The ceremony script: I was lucky enough to stumble upon Mrs. Cherry Pie’s hand-writen ceremony script on WeddingBee (before the blog was sold to e-Harmony’s parent company and I quit reading it because of e-Harmony’s homophbic policies). We both really liked Mrs. Cherry Pie’s script and assumed that we’d write something similar, but in the end we liked it so much that we used it almost verbatim (aside from writing our own vows). My aunt, our officiant until the last minute, made her own tweaks to it once we handed it over to her. (My aunt’s partner was able to fill in for her at the last minute becuase of her illness — although her partner is not a minister, she had, strangely enough, also performed many marriages and commitment ceremonies over the years — I can’t believe how lucky we were to have in our back pocket.)

3. The Reading: My grandmother is a poet and several months before the wedding we asked her to write a poem for the occassion, which she spent many weeks working on. She also had a graphic designer friend of hers make the poem look pretty and printed out a bunch of copies for anyone who wanted to take it home with them.

4. The Flags!: I always feel strange when weddings feel somber — and I’m so surprised by how many of them do… I think it’s just because a wedding is a truely sacred event and is obviously something to be taken seriously. Becuase of that seriousness, I think the tone during ceremonies often ends up feeling kind of somber. We warded against this feeling by making flags that said “Yay!” “Woot!” and “Whoo hoo!” for everyone to wave. They were one of my favorite things about the whole wedding I think.

All Photographs by Kelly Prizel Photography

I could go on forever about the ceremony… especially about Beau’s vows, which everyone was talking about for the entire reception, but I’ll leave it for a later post.

Next up… pretty little details!

All images by: Kelly Prizel Photography

Beau and her best man brother were all decked out in J. Crew pants.  Beau wore a matching vest and her brother wore suspenders.  We ended up getting Beau’s shirt at Club Monaco, which sells slim fitting shirts in an extra small.  They also will tailor shirts for free.  We had them shorten the length of the sleeves.  I think she looked pretty hot if I do say so myself.

We got ready together, which I’m really glad we did. I would recommend it to anyone who doesn’t feel the need to have a “first look” moment.  It was really calming to spend the day together.  Everyone else I saw kind of made me nervous — especially my family since they were all scrambling to put the decor together.  But being with Beau helped me stay calm, cool, and collected.  Plus, I didn’t trust anyone but her to lace me up as tight as I wanted to be.

One of the most special moments of wedding weekend was that we decided to exchange gifts.  We did it privately in our hotel room.  Beau’s father had given her her great-grandmother’s necklace to give to me as a wedding present.  This would be a huge deal for any bride — but at a gay wedding, where family support is not always a given, it was really, really special.  My mother helped me put it on before the wedding.

Pretty soon we were set to go…  we just had to make a few minor adjustments before the big moment.

Next up… the ceremony!

All images by: Kelly Prizel Photography

I’ll use my word-use triumph as an invitation to start the wedding re-cap posts.   Let’s start with the salon:

All images by Kelly Prizel Photography

I totally put off making a hair and makeup appointment until it was really drawing VERY near the wedding.  I do not recommend this to others.  I had to make an appointment that was slightly too late and then I felt rushed trying to get into my party clothes and have all our formal shots taken.  I would definitely recommend getting your hair and makeup taken care of  five to six hours before the start of the ceremony.  Especially if you’ll have to do a lot of driving around from salon to hotel to venue.

My best friend and maid of honor was with me at the salon.  She took the opportunity to try and make me crack up while my makeup was being done.  This was particularly hilarous since I really couldn’t laugh or screw up my face in any way since there was always some kind of brush or pencil doing it’s intricate work on me.

Another tip…  no matter how ridiculous and expensive it seems… get a trial hair appointment.  I wasn’t going to do it becuase it seemed totally ridiculous, but my mother convinced me that it really was a necessity, so two days before the wedding I went in for a trial.  I didn’t really know what I wanted, so I just said “um… I don’t want to look too bridal, but I think it want it up… but maybe not.”  God, that poor stylist.  Anyway, she did my hair and I HATED it… I mean… really hated it.  I felt like I was going to prom and it just didn’t feel like me.  So I had her try several more styles until she got to one that I felt really comfortable with.  Before we got the the style that I liked, I felt really stressed out and uncomfortable, like I wasn’t going to look or feel like myself on my wedding day.  I’m really glad I didn’t have to go through that on the day of my wedding. Cause when wedding day rolled around, I was cool, calm, relaxed and ready to joke around with my best friend.

Oh… another tip… EAT.  Halfway through my salon appointment, I was FAMISHED and I realized that all I had eaten all day (it was 2pm), was a quarter of a bagel at 8am.  I had to send my MOH out to get me a smoothy, which I sipped very daintily while I got my hair done.

One tip that a married friend of mine gave me right before the salon appointment (I met up with friends in town before hand for a few minutes).  Relish your salon time… it’s the last relaxing time you’ll have all day… drink it in.

Next post… getting ready with my Beau.

We did it.

We got married… and lived to tell the tale.

I’m so overwhelmed that I’m not quite sure where to begin:

1. I cried.  a lot.

2. I felt completely overwhelmed by emotion from the moment we walked down the aisle until the afterparty started post-reception.  Completely overwhelmed. Like beyond overwhelmed. Perhaps that is why I cried. a lot.

3. Beau’s vows were perhaps the most beautiful thing I had ever heard in my entire life.

4. I feel like I could sleep for a month and still be tired.

5. I realized that you can plan and plan and plan and plan, but you will never be prepared for the actual event… it was like I was swept up in a tidal wave and pushed along at a breakneck pace, held in the arms of everyone in my life that I love, until finally landing gently at a bar and handed a beer and told to relax.

Last night I finished my “yay!” flags for people to wave as we recess back down the aisle and they’re exactly what I wanted.  My mother has been packing up the boxes and boxes and boxes of sea glass and river rocks along with the vintage milk bottles that she’s collected all year for the centerpieces. I’ve been steadily cutting out triangles from fancy paper to make banners.  My aunt is flying all around town looking for a birdcage for the cards that folks bring.  My fiance is sending in all of our balance checks to various vendors and delighting in the fact that we have not gone over budget (yet). My mother is buying up cases of wine for the rehearsal dinner.  My grandmother is making schedules of who is cooking dinner when for the entire week leading up  to the big event.  My mom’s architectural lighting friend has been cajoled into coming up early to help with the lighting for the rehearsal dinner and wedding.  And I’m just sitting pretty. Feeling happy and ready to go.

All year, in my frenzy, I read other bloggers talking about the calm that descends on them pre-wedding and I totally thought that I would not enjoy the same relaxing state — but, it turns out that I’m ready to just enjoy myself through this whole thing.  That feels really good.

Wish me luck… I’ve got a weeks worth of  last-minute planning ahead of me… let’s see if the calm can stick around.

It was a looooong road to get here.  When we first got engaged, I shopped around the internet looking at photo after photo after photo of wedding dresses and by doing so, came to the conclusion that I really wanted a short one.

Then I took some of my co-workers with me to a bridal salon and didn’t realize that I would basically have to get naked in front of them.  It was awkward and I didn’t feel right in any of the dresses. Plus… there were none that rose above floor length.

Then my maid of honor took me to David’s Bridal (where she had gotten her dress) and I really didn’t feel right in any of their dresses — they made me feel chubby and the material was all itchy and I felt like I was in a wedding factory.  (She looked awesome in her dress from them — it just wasn’t for me).

Right after our failed David’s Bridal escapade, we decided to walk around SoHo and look in all the fancy shops for a fancy dress that I could wear as a wedding dress and we came across Morgane le Fay.  A shop that sold the most beautiful big, white, float-on-air dresses I had ever seen.  They were nothing like your ordinary wedding dress, they were unique and beautiful… and… of course… three times my budget.  I was ready to get one (but my cost conscious maid of honor talked me down).

And then, after scrolling through (literally) 90  pages of etsy.com wedding dresses, I came across Janay Andrews of Janay A. Handmade and I fell in love with her amazing wedding dress separates.  EVERYONE in my life thought I was CRAZY to order a custom dress without seeing the designers work in person and without getting measured at her shop.  And about two days ago, I was starting to agree with them. In fact, I had a not-so-minor breakdown in which I made Beau agree that we could fit it into the budget for me to go back to Morgane le Fay and buy a $3,000 dollar wedding dress last minute because I was SURE that my custom dress would be awful.

But… it arrived in the mail yesterday and Beau laced me up when she got home (there is no way I could wait until our wedding day to get her opinion), and we both agree… it is PERFECT.

I can’t believe how lucky I am… I have a custom, handmade, dupioni silk wedding dress with lace details that cost me $755, including shipping and I ADORE it.  I really do.

I’m not sure where I got the idea — but I’m really excited about it: we’re using vintage math flashcards as our escort cards and table numbers! We’re going to write each of our guests’ names on a math flashcard whose answer is the number of their table (we’ll back each card with pretty paper so that our guests have to do the (incredibly easy) math themselves. What I really want to do is write guests’ names using a typewriter, but I don’t have one and I’m not sure where to find one for cheap. So… we’ll see… it might just be handwritten.

Then for our table numbers we’re going to place a flashcard with the answer side showing on each table and guests will have to match their answer with the table.My only concern is that this might be confusing for our guests — I think what I’ll do is write directions like “solve your problem to find your table!” on one of the chalkboards that I started making last week!

How else can I make sure that these work as well as they should?