So You're EnGAYged, A Gay Wedding Blog

As you may or may not have noticed, I’ve been absent from So You’re EnGAYged for the past couple weeks, and that’s because I’m not anymore. Engaged, that is. And, no, that doesn’t mean that I’ve gotten married. Unfortunately, in this case, it means a break-up.

I told Kelly that I would write a final post, and I’ve been putting it off for days. Blogging for this website has turned into something so wonderful and awesome that I didn’t want to end, and by writing this post, that’s what I’m doing. I seem to be saying goodbye to a lot of things these days, and each one is more difficult than the last.

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Some things in our wedding planning have been really difficult, with Dana and I going back and forth about one little detail, unable to come to a decision and/or unable to find what we want. Finding a DJ was not one of those things.

I was on Facebook one day looking at my friend and co-worker Beth’s wedding pictures. I saw another co-worker in one of them, and it looked like he and his wife were hanging out at the DJ booth at their reception. I asked Beth if he was a DJ or if he was just a DJ stalker. Upon finding out he’s the former, I walked the four feet that separates our desks  and asked about rates, if he was free, and if he’d be interested in DJing our wedding. He was free, a rate was decided on, and a DJ was booked. Bam. All in a matter of minutes.

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I’m not sure if this is a traditional item at all receptions or if it’s a local thing (with the exception of one in North Carolina, I’ve only been to weddings in West Virginia and Pennsylvania), but one of the reception traditions I’m most looking forward to is the cookie table. If you don’t know what a cookie table is, well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. It’s a table with dozens and dozens of cookies on it. All kinds of cookies, as far as the eye can see. Or, well, as far as the table is long, anyway.

Why you need all of this cookie goodness in addition to the wedding cake, I have no idea, but I think it’s awesome, and I can’t wait. According to an article in the Post-Gazette, the tradition originated in Youngstown, Ohio, though most of the people I’ve talked to about it refer to it as a Pittsburgh tradition. As in, “You’ve got to have the cookie table. It’s a Pittsburgh tradition.”

These photos are from my friend Melanie’s wedding.

Wherever it originated, it’s spectacular. I’ve already started asking friends to make cookies for the reception, and they’ve happily agreed. So many people have said, “Anything you need, let me know.” And I’ve certainly taken them up on that offer, especially the ones who like to bake. At our Labor Day housewarming party, after sampling some of the cookies people brought, I immediately asked them if they’d be willing to contribute some to our reception. One friend is so excited, she’s offered to make multiple kinds.

There are a lot of different traditions we’ve decided to kick to the curb, but this is one I’m very happy to be traditional on. What about you — are you having (or did you have) a cookie table at your wedding?

You’d think with two brides we’d have two families beating down the door to pay for our wedding. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. My mother has offered to contribute some money to our ceremonies, and we’ve agreed that we’d like to keep the entire budget close to that amount. Now, for a typical wedding, her contribution may not even cover the flowers and centerpieces at the wedding and the reception, but we’re going to make it work. Here are some ways we trimmed our budget.

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First off, let me just say thank you for everyone’s feedback on our save-the-date cards, both through 5 Takes and in person. Everyone’s suggestions and constructive criticism were invaluable. A huge, huge thank-you to my friend Kristin, who designed not one but eventually about 10 save-the-date cards for us to choose from and even came up with the wording for it.

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As the holidays are approaching, I’m faced with a dilemma I’ve never had to deal with (and won’t have to deal with ever again, thankfully). Holidays mean family, and family doesn’t always mean good things. I’m ridiculously excited to marry Dana next year, but I’m rather nervous that I’ll have to talk about it with my family, and here’s why – not all of them are invited to the wedding. And I don’t want to have to deal with a bunch of questions that would, if I were to be honest, lead to the answer, “Well, you’re not invited, so it doesn’t matter.” And I’m a planner…to the point of absurdity, as Dana will attest to (she just suggested the word “absurdity,” as a matter of fact), so I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I’ve come up with some ideas on what to do and how to deal with uncomfortable family situations.

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So, we’ve (I think) decided on our save-the-date cards, and I’m going to try to get them printed this weekend in order to include them in our Christmas cards. Yay!

Something this whole save-the-date experience has taught me is that this wedding will be impossible without help from our friends. I sat down to design them myself. I’m pretty handy with a computer, and I’m a creative sort of lady. Well, not when it comes to stuff like this, evidently. After an hour and the most boring postcard I’ve ever seen as a result, I started shopping online at Etsy for a viable alternative. As luck would have it, I got into an e-mail conversation with a friend from college, Kristin, and she offered to do them for me. No hesitation, no asking for something in return — just “Hey, what are you looking for, and how can I help?” And now we are left with a save-the-date invite that is so far beyond what I originally came up with that it’s unbelievable. She also came up with the wording and hopefully will help with the actual invites (because, clearly, that is something I’m incapable of doing).

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This week starts our series called 5 Takes. At the end of every month, 5 of our bloggers will write posts about the same topic, giving readers 5 different views of the same subject. Monica is the blogger who came up with this wonderful idea and will be kicking off our week of gay wedding invitations.

In writing our invitations and save-the-date cards, the subject of the wording of each is what’s giving us problems. We’re having a legal ceremony in Connecticut (which very few people will be attending) and then a local celebration here in Pittsburgh (the one our friends and family will be invited to), so the invitations have to both invite people to the Pittsburgh one and inform people about the Connecticut one but make it clear that the invitation won’t be for both.

After wrestling on my computer for a few hours, I came to the conclusion that though I am spectacular with the typing, I’m pretty crappy with the designing. Luckily, my friend Kristin has agreed to help design (which I’m hoping just means “design”) the save-the-date cards. If all goes well, she’ll offer to design the invites as well, I’ll tell her she doesn’t have to, she’ll insist she wants to, and I’ll agree. That’s the plan in my head, anyway.

A friend of ours asked what we were going to do about putting our parents’ names on the invitation and programs. We’ve decided not to include them in either. When we get married, I’ll be 33 and Dana will be 38. By this point in time, our parents aren’t announcing our marriage – we are.

So, this is the tentative verbiage we came up with for the save-the-date cards:

“To share in the joy of Dana and Monica in Pittsburgh, PA,

as they celebrate their commitment to each other and their legal wedding in Connecticut the week before.”

I think the invites will read something along the lines of:

“Dana and Monica invite you to share in the celebration of their commitment to each other and their legal ceremony,

which is in Connecticut the previous week.”

Clear, concise, to the point, informing people about everything that’s going on yet making it clear that they’re not invited to both, but hopefully in a nice way. I haven’t used the word “wedding” in either of these, I realize. But at least on the invites, it will be used. Legal in PA or not, it’s my wedding.

I think the language is slightly clunky, but it’s the best I could come up with. Thoughts? Suggestions? Love it? Hate it? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

I’d never been a huge fan of engagement pictures…and then I started visiting this site. I mean, seriously, some of these photo sessions have been crazy awesome. So I’ve convinced Dana to do a session with an amateur-photographer friend of ours.

We were talking about possible locations, and I told him that South Park, a local park near our house, was the ideal place. It’s Dana’s favorite park, it’s 5 minutes from our house, and it’s the place where we decided to get married. We actually had considered having our reception at one of the buildings there, but the nicest place they had to rent (that we didn’t have to use their caterer) had gross bathrooms. I’m willing to be flexible on a lot of things, but bathrooms are not one of them.

Dana expressed some hesitation on getting engagement pictures and wondered why it was such a big deal to me. The only “official” photographs we have together are from our church directory. Sure, they’re fine, but it would be nice to have more than the one, which is somewhat cheesy.

I’d like to do them sooner rather than later, something hopefully photographer-friend Dan will agree to, so we can include them in our Save the Date cards. Another awesome friend of mine has offered to design the Save the Date cards, but although we are finally on the same schedule for the next two months, Dana and I haven’t managed to pick out a design that we like to give her as an example.

I’m really excited about this. The thought of having quasi-professional photographs of the two of us makes me happy. I think it’s just another one of those outside things that reinforces how much of a couple we are. No, I don’t need reinforcement…but it’s certainly nice to have. It’ll probably be very casual, and I think the pictures will be beautiful because the park is lovely this time of year, even though a lot of the trees have lost their leaves.

So…another wedding event to plan, but yet another one to look forward to. I can’t wait to share all the pictures. Wish us luck for an awesome session!

So, as I said in an earlier post, I don’t think the topic of God and homosexuality is as open-and-shut as a lot of our opponents claim it to be. On a really basic level, how the heck could anyone know what God thinks? Why not just give us all the same rights and let God figure it out in the end? But I’m getting off-topic. A lot of arguments are made that are Bible-based, and I’d like to address some of those here.

First of all, the Bible only talks about homosexual relations in terms of sex outside of a marriage or committed relationship…which it always says is wrong. The Bible never speaks (explicitly, anyway) about sex between a loving, committed gay couple. So with that in mind, in my opinion, that the broad argument of “the Bible says it’s wrong” doesn’t have any validity.

Second, let’s look at the “explicitly” comment I made above. Some biblical scholars say that there are loving, committed relationships in the Bible, and because of thousands of years of translations and mistranslations, among other things, they aren’t explicit. One of the readings I plan to have at our wedding, Ruth 1:16-17, references one of them.

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