So You're EnGAYged, A Gay Wedding Blog

Before I moved to London to be with Alex, I had lived abroad once before in Galway, Ireland. Just 20 years old at the time, I had never traveled before and found myself (like many young Americans) wandering the streets of Europe as a wide-eyed youngin’. My first trip was to meet visiting friends in Paris for a long weekend. The three of us took to the streets they knew so well, visited the best of museums, and sipped gorgeous hot chocolate from tiny porcelain cups. For every museum that we went to, we hit up the postcards section. My friends had been in love for many years by this stage,  counted their anniversary in months, and the sweetest simple notes to each other on postcards they collected from each place they visited. As far as I know, they still do. Their love of postcards–and each other–has stayed with me ever since, and thus I collected postcards from every place I went, waiting to share them with some lover in the distant future.

Photo by Erica

Postcards became a go-to romantic staple and, fast-forwarding to falling in love with Alex, took on a new incarnation as my love and I were long-distance for one year exactly, with all mountains, rivers and ocean in between. Among the emails and the calls, there were packages and letters–and, of course, postcards. At this stage my collection went everywhere with me, waiting for the opportune moment to leave a note, send my love, decorate my living space. Notes for friends; reminders of my love for Alex; wall collages, clothesline adornments and window covers for my living spaces. And even with all these incarnations, the collection seemed to grow rather than dwindle.

Fast forward again to a phone conversation with Alex’s mum about items at the reception when she asks “What are you going to do for your guest book?” Silence on my end of the phone. “Oh, have you thought about that yet?” It hadn’t even crossed our minds yet, but luckily it didn’t take us long to come up with the idea once we did. You see, there seems to be a word theme developing: old letterpress stamps for our cake topper; lettered table decorations (don’t worry, I’ll tell you about that zinger of an idea soon!)–and now postcards. What better way to honor our literary and letter-writing infused relationship then by having a collection of postcards be our guest book!?!

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Living in Europe, where the history comes from (thank you, Eddie), we’ve found picking a honeymoon destination has presented different opportunities than if we lived in my native California, or Canada (somewhere we’ve considered moving), or anywhere else in the world. Both being full-time grad students for the past year has also presented financial challenges. If circumstances were different, we might have had Hawaii, the Caribbean, Mexico or the American South-West as potential hot spots for our days of getting amorous post wedded-bliss.  As it is, we live in London, the flight gateway into Europe, and our honeymoon savings thus far have literally been my tip jar at home.

Like much of our wedding decisions, picking where to have our gay honeymoon required the consideration of many factors: ease of planning, responsible travel, limited budget, and personal meaning.

From the start of our discussions, we knew that if we couldn’t get there by boat or train, we wanted the flight to be short. A shorter flight meant similar times zones which meant no jet lag. Eco-conscious, the closer we honeymooned to where we live also meant less time in a carbon-spouting jet plane, i.e. the lesser of two evils, we’d settle for a 4 hour plane ride versus an 18 hour long haul.

Following on from the earth-friendly options, we did a few internet searches for eco-holidays and came across ResposibleTravel.com. This set off the idea of a honeymoon in Southern France, some little B&B, farmhouse or apartment all to ourselves. France was close by, cheap to get to, and had great options from all-organic stays to re-purposed buildings for accommodation. Equally, Greece & Crete were quite appealing from listings on the same site as they paired the eco-friendly vibe with a gay friendly scene in many locations. Plus, Alex’s sister and her partner had honeymooned in Crete just last summer. Still, France, Greece and Crete didn’t quite have enough connection for us to really get into the idea of it for our honeymoon.

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Tulips. I think it was the first thing Alex and I decided about our wedding, even before the town or my engagement ring. We knew we wanted to have purple tulips at our wedding. Alex’s wedding bouquet, in second-hand vases on the reception tables, on the cake table. I even wanted a tulip in my corsage. Tulips fit everything we were after:

• Meaningful: Of all the flowers we’ve bought, given and received, tulips are most often what we’ve gone for. Plus, the flower stand outside the Tube station by our house is always full of them!
• In season: If we were going to have flowers at all, we really wanted them to be in season and blooming everywhere. From my experience of spring in England last year, they are everywhere indeed.
• Simple & Elegant: Tulips are in and of themselves gorgeous, and don’t particularly need filler flowers or greenery to brighten up a bouquet or arrangement.
• Variation: Asking for purple tulips is like asking for a sample of paints: so many shades! Which is exactly what we wanted; no one shade flower for us.

And tulips we will have, in every shade of purple they grow in. The tricky part, though, was what came after deciding that tulips would make up Alex’s bouquet, be the centerpieces, and adorned the cake table. As I was sadly informed, I could not have a tulip in my corsage. I mean, I could, but it would last all of about 2.5 secs and the wedding day is 12 hours at least, and I am an enthusiastic hugger. What that meant was that we needed to sit down with my amazingly talented friend, Holly, who is graciously arranging our flowers for our wedding present, and figure out what else to have for the rest of the flowers. Or, as I ended up frequently referring to them as: the fiddly bits.

Fathers' & Best Men, Photo by Erica

For our casual floral meeting, Holly made up a few different versions of corsages and boutonnières. We had discussed many different flowers beforehand–orchids, gerber daises, frescias–and had decided alstroemerias were pretty, purple, and pleasant on the pocket (in other words, cheap). They also remind me of two very dear friends & mentors who more than likely won’t make over for the English ceremony. For filler flowers and greenery, Holly also suggested wax flower and limonium and  eucalyptus and ruscus leaves.

I’m not gonna lie: When I saw 27 Dresses for the first time, I knew I had found an up-do possibility for my wedding day. You may not have seen the movie, you may have hated it; I quite like it. And even more than the film itself, I really liked Katherine Heigl’s wedding hair.

Shameless: Yes. Perfect hair: Just maybe.

Thus, when I went in to have my ‘hair trial’ with Freya at Tiko Lilly, I brought with me printed out screen captures from the film for my hair style. I also, shamelessly, brought random red carpet photos of Taylor Swift as well–although my hair has not one wave in it at all. Still, I felt it was the thought that counted.

Photo by Freya

Originally, I wasn’t sure I’d want such a thing as a ‘hair trial’ for my wedding do, but the more I thought about the endless possibilities for up-dos, what I really didn’t want, and that ‘up’ was probably going to be better than ‘down’–the more it seemed like a good idea. Plus, I got to chat to Freya, get comfortable chatting with her about what I wanted and didn’t want–and I found out that she does hair for Bridal magazines. An previously unknown score!

Photo by Freya

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When it comes to Valentine’s Day, Alex and I, basically, like to eat. We border on being foodies, but really we just love the whole atmosphere of dining experiences throughout the day. Planning an entire day around where we can eat or drink is just about the most romantic thing we can do for one another. There will, of course, be the little gift exchanged in bed, the walk along the water somewhere and the snuggle in the corner, but really it’s about what menus we get to eat our way through. Our 3rd Valentine’s together, this year proves to be not much different.

So, for all you other food romantics out there, I hope to inspire in you a plethora of ways in which you can remind your sweetheart that even with the pleasure of a dining experience, they are still the food that feeds your soul.

14 February 2008

Photo by Alex

Just a mere 3 months after we had gotten together, Alex had already moved back to England and I was set to move to Los Angeles. Before my move, however, I had–in a round about way–ended up being in Europe around V-day and damn if I wasn’t going to stop by for a week to celebrate with my sweetheart. And celebrate we did.

Breakfast: I actually don’t remember breakfast. What I do remember though is that I gave Alex Patty Griffin’s Children Running Through album when we woke up in bed. The track Heavenly Day is going to be our first dance at our wedding; I might have thought of it then.

Picnic/Cream Tea: Cream Tea in Cornwall is scones, clotted cream and jam, with tea. Basic, delicious, very specific to Southwest England. Alex had planned a Cream Tea picnic for us: We would walk along the river to St. Catherine’s Castle, carve our initials in an oak tree, and carry on around the cliff side to a vista point where we would have our tea and snuggle on a blanket. Except that this was my first visit to Cornwall and I didn’t know about any of this stuff! The walk was gorgeous, carving our initials was a surprise (Alex brought an extra knife just for this purpose) and the cream tea scrummy.

Photo by Erica

Dinner: As you can see from the photo it was a pretty relaxed day. We went back to her parent’s house (where she was living at the time), warmed up and got changed to go to dinner at the cafe down the road for pizza. In a cafe/bar which only has 5 tables, we took the corner one and goggled at each other over our individual thin crust pizzas. When we went home, Alex had sprinkled fabric rose petals across the bed, and well, the evening ended on a sweet note.

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The last time Alex wore a dress it was a requirement of her high school graduation. She looked stunning of course (I tell her I so would have known I had crushes on girls sooner if we went to the same high school!). Since then she has looked even more stunning in button-up shirts, blazers, and waistcoats in particular. Tell me, she shouldn’t wear waistcoats after this picture:

Photo by Erica and Alex

Ok, it was the only picture I could find and you can’t even see all her outfit, but still!

Since her sister got hitched last year to the Erica of her dreams in trousers, shirt and neck scarf from Gresham Blake, Alex has been drooling over the same tailors in Brighton. Spending the last three years designing the perfect women’s suit–complete with cuffs that kick-out at the ends of the jacket–Gresham Blake knows what they are doing and Alex has dreamed of getting something made by them.

The flip-side of that dream were also some supporting facts: the shops on the high street (or the mall, by US equivalent) are difficult for Alex to navigate. At 5′2″, she wears a 14-18 depending on where we go (and which country), and the number of tailored pieces for women are slim pickings anyway. Reiss, New York & Co., J. Crew, and John Lewis just weren’t going to have what she was looking for or what would fit her (gorgeous, I have to say it!) hour-glass figure.

All that in mind, we made a date with her mum to down to Brighton and have a look at Gresham Blake!

Known for their combinations of stylish wools with bright accents, walking into their shop is like walking into a candy store. So many cuts, combos, accessories and options. Once the manager of the women’s department copped on that we meant business, she led us through the variety of options:

Off the Peg: The tailor carries a stock of trousers, shirts, waistcoats, and jackets in set fabrics & linings that you can buy ‘off the peg’ and have altered (at an additional price) to fit you just right. The suits are, of course, stunning, but Alex didn’t want navy with white pin stripes nor green & purple plaid–which led us to the sample books of fabrics.

Made to Measure: For ‘Made to Measure’, you take the standard style of Gresham Blake’s women’s suit and change the fabric, alterations included. Initially, Alex wanted a cream suit. The manager (who also makes the suits herself) fished up a sample book with a few cream fabrics, but with those it was going to increase the price by about 40%–and Alex would probably only wear it for the weddings, and rarely after. After consideration that it would be really nice for Alex to have a suit she could wear over and over again–leisurely and professionally–she picked out a beautiful light brown wool, with lilac lining. And then she hummed and hawed over it while we continued the discussion of options.

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To recap our venue story thus far: we had had the ’scary’ conversation with first hotel manager checked off the list, received an email to confirm he’d spoken with our new proposed venue, The Fowey Hotel, given a promise that the second hotel manager would contact us, and then we heard nothing.

I’ll admit, I was too busy trying to write my Masters’ dissertation to freak too much, but it was worrying all the same. Invitations needed to be ordered (we found out the day I was ordering invites that our venue was being sold), the 3 month marker was approaching quickly, and family and friends needed to start booking rooms/flights/trains, etc. There was pressure.

Now this is the part where I tell you how amazing Alex’s parents are: Alex and I are both in graduate programs in London, 4 1/2 hours away by expensive train ride from where her parents live in Cornwall, and where our UK wedding is being held. Her mom works in change agency and her dad is a CEO of a wave energy company, plus they’re remodeling the house. They are busy people. And still, they were the ones who followed up on The Fowey Hotel. Just over a week ago, they walked up their road (this time the hotel is about 30 doors from their house) and met with the manager, Andrea, to discuss the hand-over of contracts.

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Ok, so when I last left off Alex and I were a) out a wedding venue b) without a signed contract or deposit and c) unsure of what to do next. The holidays, like the holidays always are, were crazy. For us, it was a matter of balancing family time, Christmas time, university work and wedding planning. Hey, we survived.

Celebrating with Alex’s parents over the holidays, there were a few different discussions took place:

• Alex’s mum & us. Advice: Talk to the manager of the hotel and hold your ground.
• Alex’s dad & us. Advice: Talk to the manager of the hotel and demand that the contract (verbal/email) be held accountable; I’ll talk to my lawyer friend, and use me as the ‘bad guy’ if you need to
• Alex’s dad & the manger (in the pub). (One-sided) Conversation: This is your problem, not ours; fix it (to the manager).

This was during the run-up to Christmas, and it wasn’t until New Year’s Eve that we actually got to hold a (brief) meeting with the manager of the hotel (did I mention the hotel was three doors down from my in-laws? Yeah, there were a lot of awkward “Oh, uh, Hi. Yeah, we should meet a talk” before we ACTUALLY sat down, or stood rather, and talked). Thankfully, the conversation was a lot less scary than any of us in the family had anticipated.

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Humming and hawing for months got us nowhere as fast as clicking on Etsy one day to browse for something totally unrelated to find us our ideal wedding rings. Seriously, Jesse Danger’s Dragonfly Ring was listed in silver on the front page. Isn’t it gorgeous?!

Dragonfly Ring by Jesse Danger

Gorgeous, yes. It’s gonna be Alex’s birthday present on April 1st just before our wedding. The Dragonfly Ring got me to Jesse’s shop though and that’s when we found ‘Love is on the inside.’ Sterling Silver, Rose Gold, all recycled metals, hand-crafted, in our price range.

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We couldn’t help it when we kept walking by all the shops with pretty sparkly rings in the window. We were tempted by diamonds for our wedding rings. As part of our wedding planning is being conscious of our ecological and ethical impact as consumers, we were drawn to three different categories of diamond retailers: gay friendly, recycled and conflict-free, and second-hand.

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