So its already here, my three month wedding invite window has finally approached and its time to bring on the invitation projects. Where did all the time go?  When it came time to design the invites for Joey and I’s Halloween tinged Orange County beach Nuptials, I labored over what to do. My previous DIY, the Ouija Board Save the Dates, went over extremely well and they stemmed from a want for something classy but still fun and spooky. Whilst brainstorming ideas that were “Classy”, “Halloween”, “Spooky”, and “Orange County” in style. I had a revelation. Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion.

Located a mere ten miles from our ceremony site, Disneyland, has always been a favorite place of Joey and I’s, and The Haunted Mansion, one of our favorite attractions. The ride which premiered at Disneyland in 1969, takes guests through the corridors of a manor inhabited by 999 Happy Haunts (with room for one more of course).  The ride is spooky to the hilt, but not gorey or graphic in the way many more modern “haunted” attractions are. Its been the subject of songs, merchandise, and a critically-bashed film (which I couldn’t bring my self to hate, even though it is pretty bad) and now… wedding invites.

Various Invite Cards with Hidden Haunted Mansion Trinkets

To create the feel of the ride we hid trinkets, symbols, and images from the attraction throughout the design. Including:

• The 13 Hour Clock, with shadowy hand (artwork for the clock adapted from DoomBuggies)
• The Demon Wallpaper
• The Raven
• The Hitchhiking Ghosts (artwork design from decals created by Etsy seller IMakeNeatStuff)
• The Tight Roper Walker Painting (IMakeNeatStuff)
• 3 sayings from Madame Leota’s Speech and the Ghost Host:

1. On the Reception Card: “Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween
   awaken the spirits with your tambourine.”
2. On the RSVP Card: “Rap on a table, its time to respond,
   send us a message from somewhere beyond”
3. On The Directions Card: “Beware of Hitchhiking Ghosts”

• The Haunted Mansion Font: Ravenscroft (Free for personal use at MickeyAvenue)

A7 Linear Enclosure With Various Event Cards and Vellum Top

We used “Linear A7 Enclosure” Cards from Paper Source in Poppy, and created 3 differently sized cards to sit tiered in the pocket, showing just the colorful headers for Reception, Directions, and RSVP. For the inner upper flap we printed the basic wedding invite info and printed them onto vellum and attached them with double sided tape.

Then to bind and close the folder together we layered 1″ x 12″ strips of  metallic Black Brocade Paper with 10 inch strips of 1/4″ Beet Satin Ribbon and then sealed it all with our 13 hour Clock Seals which we printed ourselves using full sized sticker sheets.

Sealed Envelopes

We stuck each mini folder into a Black A7 envelope and sealed them with yet another seal we printed on full size sticker sheets, this time incorporating the Demon Damask Wallpaper from the ride and our initials and wedding date.

There is a menace out there in the wedding world, and its at every grocery store, every news stand and every pit stop you make. It taunts you with its glossy airbrushed brightly colored beauty, Its craft ideas and promises, it’s bold stylized letters that call out to you with “100 Ways to Cut Your Budget” or “50 Things Every Couple Must Absolutely Know”.

Yes, I’m talking about wedding magazines. Its pure unbridled wedding planning pornography, and we eat it up. Oh I know what you’re thinking, “What could possibly be so bad about some harmless wedding magazines?”. Well, unfortunately, there is a lot written between the lines on those pages.

When we began the preliminary stages of planning our wedding about a year ago, Joey I rushed out and bought a bundle of the latest wedding magazines. We flicked through the pages eyeballing the floral arrangements, the towering cakes, and the ever so chic couples featured in the spreads. It was fun! We talked about what we liked and what we wanted, what we absolutely hated and couldn’t even imagine. It was a perfect way to start our planning process because, like most couples, neither of us knew a thing about planning a wedding.

But as time went by and we developed our own ideas and personal tastes, a disturbing trend emerged in my wedding magazine reading. For, I would say, 80% of you, wedding magazines are going to eventually make you feel inferior about something. One of the first facts I read in a wedding magazine was that the average American wedding costs $28,000 and for “lucky” “brides” its more like $50,000+. I dunno about you readers, but my wedding budget isn’t even a third of the “average wedding”. And this is the chief problem; these magazines only cater to one niche audience, and they will tell you its average.

Specifically for you LGBT readers, this niche audience does not seem to include you. There is absolutely no gender neutral language in a wedding magazine. You will not find images of gay couples, you will not see representations of yourself. Martha Stewart Weddings did include a gay wedding its pages fairly recently which was definitely a step in the right direction but it was blip of sea of hetero wedding speak. This is something seemingly harmless but it can force yourself into “roles” you wouldn’t normally place on yourself. For example when I read a magazine and see the word Bride, I have to assume thats geared at me as I am at the forefront of most of our planning. But I’m not a bride… I’m a man, I hate the idea of being considered a bride.

While most magazines goals are to help couples, they often only highlight insecurities with their advice. For weeks I toiled over my invitation design, as one magazine told me that it was tacky to use anything store bought in an invite. I looked at hundreds of invitation designs and none of them felt right. Another wedding magazine said that one groom didn’t diet during his planning phase and hated every single picture of himself and refused to hang them up in his house, so suddenly I’m convinced a hardcore crash “wedding” diet will inevitably be the only way I love my photos. Or something simple I didn’t care about gets a Ms. Manners “The guests will expect it, so you should do it this way” and I worry that I’m doing my wedding planning “wrong”.

I eventually put a stop to this madness, when I read an advice column in which a reader asked if it was okay to have hosted wine and beer with a cash bar for other cocktails (the exact arrangement we are doing at our wedding). The magazine scolded her for asking her guests to pay for anything saying “You wouldn’t make them pay in your home, you shouldn’t at your wedding”. This time instead of questioning myself, I got annoyed. Who wrote these rules?  Who gave them the authority? Why does any of this crap really matter, wasn’t this supposed to be about my relationship? I closed the magazine and swore to never read that publication again.

And it occurred to me how few pages of those magazines are really about marriage (and how many of them are about dresses, GOOD LORD). How little of it is actually about loving another person and wanting to grow old with them. The brief sections that are even about relationships are weird naggy pieces about “My Groom Doesn’t Care About The Planning” or “My Groom Hates Talking About The Wedding”. These kinds of publications all too often send all the wrong messages about what is important.

When it comes down to it there is so much good-intentioned pressure when you’re planning a wedding from family and friends to do something a certain way the last thing you need is another source telling what to do and not to do. Guests will never know if you bought your wedding invites from Target; you will be beautiful/handsome at your wedding whatever shape you are; the guests will be grateful for things out of their expectation zone. It will make your wedding that much more memorable. I’m not telling you to never go flip through a wedding magazine (though my humble opinion is that blogs offer much more variety in perspective), look at them and enjoy them, but don’t let anyone (or anything) let you loose sight of why you’re really there.

(Photo by Brooke Jensen)

I thought I’d take a little break this time from my usual “planning update” posts to write a little bit about why I am getting married and why its so important to me.

I have a co-worker who is well a trifle nosey and more than a little conservative who loves to prod me with wedding questions every time I see her. At first I felt that she was asking me so many questions because she herself had recently got married and wanted to offer advice and support, but as time has gone on she has slowly revealed that she is flat out questioning of my relationship and my right to marry. Its a minefield every conversation we have, in which I try not to trigger any bombs by only giving her as little information as I possibly can. However the other day she asked a doozey…

Coworker: So if your wedding is in California , it wont be a legal wedding, because the voters repealed the courts decision there. (SIDE BAR: Oh really? I hadn’t heard anything about that.) So if your wedding isn’t a legal one, why even bother?

I initially dodged her question when a work matter arose right at that moment, which was probably for the best since I might have for lack of a better term “ripped her a new a-hole”. But as the question simmered and congealed in my brain until I started to get really fired up. A straight couple would never be asked to defend the validity of their relationship in this way, and a I guess they would never have to since its all just wound up in a neat little legal bundle. After a few minutes I calmed down and decided to let the matter slide and I wouldn’t initiate the debate with my coworker for the time being.

It would be nice to say this is the first time I’ve encountered a question like that, but it isn’t. I’m sure it’s the same for many of the gay engaged couples out there, but how does one field this type of question politely? What are the answers? I cant really speak for anyone else but here is why I chose marriage, legal or not. LOVE.

(Photo by Brooke Jensen)

Remember that antiquated idea, that a couple joined their lives not for legal benefit but for sheer fact that that kind of commitment was important to them? Its something people so quickly lose sight of whilst defending of the legal equalities couples should have.

Joey and I will have been together for 5  years by the time we walk down the aisle, everyday with him is a treasure to me. This is the man who understands me more deeply and more intimately than anyone i’ve ever known. There is an argument that Joey and I could continue on living together unmarried and it would be no different. To an extent that’s true. I already consider him to be my husband and just because we stand in front of a religious figure and exchange vows doesn’t mean that’s going to change anything in our relationship, and I hope it doesn’t.

However it is important to me to pledge myself to this man for my whole life, it’s important to me to have my friends and my family there, and for me personally its spiritually important to have my relationship recognized by my own personal idea of God. I know a big part of the gay marriage debate is keeping religious beliefs out of the marriage laws (as they should be). But for me the non legal side of marriage is a deeply spiritual thing. I’m not a religious man but I do have faith and I do feel strongly that “God” (or whatever you choose to call it) brought me and Joey together and wants us to be together. Everyday when I look into Joey’s eyes I see God’s work. For me that is something I want to acknowledge.

(Photo by Brooke Jensen)

Surrounding ourselves with the most important people in our lives and exchanging vows, is an important thing whether or not the government (or my coworker) views it that way. Love is truly a miraculous thing, and no one should have to explain its reasoning. However…

Some people still feel the need to ask these questions and perhaps its our duty to educate them about what marriage means to us all. Maybe it will change their views, maybe not. So when my coworker returned to me in the break room the next day and smugly asked

Coworker: So you never answered my question, why have a wedding if its not even legal?

My reply was clear and precise:

“Because I’m in love with him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and thats really all the reason I need. Why did you get married?”

Now our wedding color scheme is patterned after both traditional and non traditional Halloween palettes of Orange, Royal Purple, Black, and Chartreuse.  Aside from the black its a fairly loud set of colors and ones that don’t look great on everyone (I cant pull off Orange myself, except for in small amounts). I really didn’t want the girls to go out and buy a dress they would never wear again for the sake of being matchy, and I know NOTHING about what to put on different kinds of female bodies to be the most flattering. The simplest solution was to let the girls pick their own black dress and they we would add color with a ribbon and accessories. So we selected a color for each girl (and boy) from the color scheme for them to base their accessories on. Whilst the flower girls would wear orange and purple dresses with a black ribbon.

I made up a website for the group with some example of cocktail wear from various websites all priced under $50 (most were actually under $30) and info on which color 1 inch satin ribbon they should purchase from a bridal boutique.

Ribbons, Ribbons, Ribbons!A few dress examples

A few dress examples

We didnt really want them to all rush out and buy expensive dresses partially because we were very fond of the idea of them all wearing the same shoes, low top black Converse all stars. I saw this in someone elses wedding photos ages ago and fell in love with the idea of formal wear with punk rock sneakers. It just sort of fit our sensibilites!

And we gave them a few cheap jewlery ideas most of which were from Target but since we dont know much about jewelry we figured we’d let them decide what goes best with their look.

Jewlery Ideas

For months now we’ve bounced around various ideas about what to wear but we kept coming back towards comfort over style. One day last week I asked Joey to go online and just look at various pictures of grooms he thought were wearing cool clothes and save the pictures he liked and we would pick and choose elements  to make up his outfit. Sounded simple right? Well we sort of ran into the same problems where all we were seeing were tuxedos and suits which granted look great on some men… just not us. So I told him to imagine he was going to a really cool event that he wanted to look awesome for and to create that outfit instead. BINGO.

There are so many hang ups about what Grooms (and Brides) are supposed to wear that we were both looking at the wrong kind of clothing, he created a collage with bowties, comfy linen pants, punk rock pins, and patterned button ups. Using the bits and pieces he picked I was able to assemble a mock up of an outfit that was wearable and fashionable. When I saw his outfit it inspired my own which was is similar but still more “me”. When I showed him the outfit concept he was so excited, we both were, for the first time in regards to wedding clothes.

Once they are ordered I’ll be sure to write a part 3 with real photos but all in all, we’ve finally found them.

When Joey and I were searching for cake vendors in the Orange County area we found a number of great vendors but the bakery which impressed us the most was Cinderella Cakes & Cookies Too . Not only were the flavors along the lines of what we were looking for but the cake designs were beautiful and professional. The owner Timorie and I exchanged emails about our various questions and ideas and I always received prompt and thoughtful responses. Also the staff appeared on a recent episode of TLC’s Ultimate Cake Off, where they won and recieved high praise for both style and most importantly taste. After the exchanges I knew this was a company that had the professionalism we were searching for. We met up at the Costa Mesa, CA location for a tasting and consultation, we requested a few flavors to try and asked her to pair them with her personal choices for fillings (I did request one pairing of Red Velvet and Coconut Bavarian).

We arrived to a warm friendly atmosphere, where we were made to feel very welcome. She prepared us samples of the Red Velvet both with the Bavarian and with a cream cheese filling which was her personal recommendation, Marble with a Kahlua Mocha Bavarian, White with Cookies and Creme, and Lemon with Lemon Cream Cheese and fresh raspberries. The cakes were all delicious and she was right about the cream cheese filling going better with the Red Velvet. Ultimately we had trouble deciding on just one so we decided to do different flavors for each tier (the Red Velvet w/Cream Cheese, White with Amaretto, and the Lemon with Lemon Cream Cheese and Raspberry).

Clearly I posses all the art skills of a 9 year old... dont be jealous

When it came to design we had actually previously found a design on her website we were very fond of which was a simple frosted cake with a branch of cherry blossoms going across. There is a picture of it here (its Cake #11, or the 3rd down on the farthest left column bottom corner). However the changes we proposed were to make it square which fit our pseudo-modern sensibilities, change the frosting to a pale lavender and the flowers to orange. I created a little cutout version of it for our planning book which you can see above.

All in all we were treated wonderfully and are super excited about our cake and to see how it all turns out! Be on the look out for PART TWO where we visit our Reception Venue! TTFN

Joey and I with Groom Mickey Toys at Disneyland

Share and Enjoy:

]]> http://www.soyoureengayged.com/bloggers/wedding-planning-trip-part-one-the-cake-tasting-and-design/feed/ 3