So You're EnGAYged, A Gay Wedding Blog

Our DIY Ouija Save The Date

Continuing with our pseudo-Halloween/autumn theme we sat down awhile ago to ponder what exactly was the best way to do our save the dates. We brainstormed a couple ideas (punk rock flyer, leaves, little pumpkins) but nothing really stuck until we were discussing how it might be fun to incorporate Ouija boards into our centerpieces and my wonderful fiancé suggested we do Ouija Save the Date cards. I was so in love with the idea because while Ouija boards definitely fall into the spooky Halloween category the artwork on them is actually quite sophisticated and elegant. I set to work using some of my Photoshop skills to create a design. One side would be the Ouija board with all our info and on the other a sort of photocopy punk flyer-ish version of our favorite engagement photo. We printed them on a crème colored card stock and used a paper cutter to cut them to size.

Then we ordered Poppy colored 4 bar envelopes and Grape colored 4 bar envelope liners from Paper Source and address labels and purple seals from My Own Labels. Using a white pigment stamp pad and owl stamp I found in the dollar bin at Michaels (owls are a recoccuring theme in the wedding) we personalised the front of each envelope.

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So I agonized over what to do for him as a surprise and eventually was inspired by those chalkly little holiday treats Necco Hearts. I bought a whole bunch of construction paper and cut out stacks of hearts in all the different necco heart colors. Then I used red ribbon to hang the hearts all over the house and I draped our table in a red table cloths a poured necco hearts all over and filled it with presents, and finally right before I left for work I put on a CD of romantic songs from the course of our relationship on repeat. When he opened the door I may not have been there but he definitely knew how special he was to me.

Necco Hearts Hanging In The Window

When it came time to picking where we wanted to get married Joey and I discussed a variety of issues as all couples should. Personal connection to the location was important of course but also convenience for guests, ability to accommodate them, and price were all contributing factors. The first thing we discussed was whether we would get married in Las Vegas where we currently reside. It didn’t take long to rule that one out, while it would be easy for all of our friends to attend the last thing we personally wanted was a Vegas wedding. For me being born and raised near the California shores Ive always fantasized my wedding would take place near the ocean. I was fortunate to find that although Joey is from the ocean less south that he too had always dreamed about this. Much of my large extended family lives in Southern California and with its wide variety of warm salty beaches it seemed a good solution. In July we set out to accomplish a number of tasks  the first of which was to scope out a variety of So Cal beaches and see if any of them struck a cord with us. The first beach we visited was Huntington Beach in Orange County.  We had actually decided to have our engagement pictures done there as it had a beautiful pier which would provide lots of photo opportunities and it was close to where our photographer lived.

When we arrived we found a massive beach miles long and quite wide, with no sea rocks or identifying characteristics other than the pier. It was also extremely crowded and there were absolutely no intimate spaces. The other side of it was that it had lots of funky public art, crystal clear water and would more than likely be less crowded in October. Still we decided to press on with the search… We set out the next day to check out Newport Beach, and on our way we stumbled across the first beach I ever took Joey to in Corona Del Mar. We didn’t know which beach it had been because on our first trip to the beach we just headed straight to the coast and stumbled upon this small charming beach nestled in the cliffs and we shared cupcakes and splashed in the water. It was a wonderful day on a beach we had figured we’d more than likely never find again. Once we stumbled upon it we decided to check it out and see how it felt. Whilst exploring the small inclosure we found a scenic rock formation with a large open space on top, and a small tree lined picnic area next to it. It seemed like the perfect location for guests to mingle and sip drinks before heading up onto the sea rocks overlooking the ocean for the ceremony. Also given the nature of how important the beach already had been to us it was clear we had found our perfect spot.

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So after the phone call with my father ended on a very sour note where I said something to effect of “I don’t do ultimatums and I wont be bullied. If you don’t want to pay or attend my wedding thats your choice.”. In all honesty I wasn’t all that opposed to inviting my aunt I just wanted to make sure a game plan was hammered out before we went and booked her a plane ticket. The brother situation is a horse of another color…

My parents expressed to me at one point that my brother was ordained and that they would like him to be our officiant  however we had already chosen a close friend of our to be in charge of that so I politely explained the situation and they were not very happy. You see my brother is not in my wedding party either I had actually chosen him to be one of the people who supports the chuppah in our ceremony. (For those not in the know, The Chuppah is a Jewish wedding tradition involving a canopy which represents the new home you are building under god, the people who support the chuppah in some ceremonies are symbolized as being the foundation that supports the union you are creating) A role I assigned him not too lightly and felt very strongly about. When I told my parents his role (though I didn’t explain it as throughly as I just did) they still seemed uneasy as though I were giving him a throw away task like handing out programs or something. They kept pushing for him to officiate but I kept repeating that I liked where his position was, so the ultimatum that he had to officiate really lit a fire in me. My father called back shortly after and apologized for his behavior and withdrew his statements as unthought out reaction to my mothers feelings being hurt. I later more fully explained my brothers role in the wedding to my parents and they finally gave in.

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My wedding planning has taken off recently at very brisk place whether its booking venues, taking meetings, DYO tasks, or finalizing the guest list and wedding party, im definitely in the thick of it now.  And im noticing a disturbing trend in my planning that seems to be gaining more and more momentum. At first I didn’t really notice the subtle comments or the strong suggestions pushing me one way or another until there was a small nuclear meltdown within my family, allow me to explain.

I have an aunt who  struggles with some very mild mental disabilities. She is a very strong minded, kind and loving woman but her mental frame of mind is that of about a 7 year old child with a 40 year old womans vocabulary, if that makes any sense. She is not fully handicapped by any means, she goes out, she shops, she does things just like your or I do except she is a little slower than most people. She and I have never really had a close relationship other than a few Christmases at Grandma’s house from my child hood where she was in attendance. But I almost never saw her and still don’t really feel like I know her all that well. In the past year or so her life has taken a number or very turbulent ups and down (which I wont go into here) and both of my parents have stepped up to the plate and taken her under their wing to see to it that she has a very nice place to live, she is in good health and always loved and cared for. The other side of this is that she can be a very difficult woman who requires constant supervision and has to be told what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and when something (even the tiniest of things) makes her unhappy or goes wrong she call my parents endlessly. (more…)

Well after a tumultuous and stressful holiday season has finally closed on a wonderful “it was worth all the hard work” note, I’m preparing now to launch into full fledged wedding planning mode. Yes that’s right the rehearsal is over now its time for the big show. Since I’ve only written a few updates thus far and will now be picking up the pace in my writing I thought I might offer a closer look into our wedding and its inspiration and the road leading to where we are…

For me there are few brighter shining moments in the year than the fall season, the crispness in the air, the harvest, the food, and the colors all fill me with an warm glow that I anticipate all summer long. Joey and I met and fell in love during the fall months and this has only enhanced my deeply wrought affection for the season.

Specifically the crown jewel of this time of year in my eyes is Halloween. It has always been my favorite holiday and I have so many fond memories from my childhood of carving pumpkins, wearing costumes made by mom, my father sitting outside shaking chains to scare kids. As a young gay teen this fondness grew during a time where everyday I felt more and more like a outsider and Halloween was a day that you could let your freak flag fly (even in the most conservative little town in Northern California). I was fortunate enough to fall in love with a man who understands this mild obsession of mine.

I had mentioned early in our courtship that I had a dream of a Halloween themed wedding and Joey was one of the first people who really understood that. Over our years together Halloween has become more deeply rooted in traditions and lavishness than even Christmas (although Christmas is still Joey’s hands down favorite J After we became engaged and inevitably needed to set a date Joey was quick to hop on board the Halloween wedding train. My parents were initially less enthusiastic…

My mother is a wedding force to be reckoned with, a former professional wedding florist and now experienced wedding planner she knows her stuff and how to make it happen. When we broke the news to her that we had set a date in mid-October 2010 and were looking to throw a festive fall wedding with an emphasis on Halloween themes a soft and subtle glaze fell over her eyes. I’ve slowly come to realize that my mother had been planning my wedding in her head for sometime now and Halloween was definitely not in the plan.

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Like just about all Americans my life has been touched upon by the recessions in numerous ways. Whether its working in a deeply unstable work environment with very sometimes scare job security or enduring family financial crisis these turbulent times effect my day to day life and there for effect my wedding planning. When we first approached our families about our wedding budget and what they would be willing and able to help with both sides were generous to us and we planned an upscale yet modest small wedding. Our wedding budget was set for around $5000. I know that is pennies compared to national wedding average which skyrockets into the tens of thousands of dollars but for a small wedding it was more than enough.

Each family offered to pay for a selection of things and my parents offered to take the bulk of the costs. My parents would rent a beautiful cape cod style vacation home along California’s coast line which could accommodate the crowd of 70 people and provide rooms for some family members and friends to sleep in, and my mother and Cousin Michelle would self cater the event. On top of this my parents offered to give us a honeymoon to Paris using a variety of their reward points and benefits they had accumulated over the years couple with some expense of their own of course. All in all a very comfortable place to be financially.

Since then however both of our families have been hit with a variety of financial crisis, from medical bills to job loss. Their situations have changed and thusly so has our budget and plans. When we had to make a cut we made the hard decision to cut big so the first thing to go was beautiful Cape Cod vacation home. At $2500 for the week of the wedding this was always a bit of a strain on our budget and it sling shot our budget full force back into a comfort zone.

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I’ve been contemplating for awhile now what I’d like to wear to the wedding, actually its something I have thought about for years… before I even met Joey. I guess some little girls (and fabulous boys) dream of the big poofy dress and veil but there are definitely those little (less fabulous) boys like me who’ve known for a long time what they would like to wear to the big day. I feel like to frequently men’s formal attire is locked into two groups Suits and Tuxedos. Neither of which I find myself identifying with.

My Prom Photo… we posed silly but the reaction is still appropriate

I’ve worn a tuxedo exactly three times in my life: Once on a cruise to celebrate Y2K when I was 15 and I thought it would be snazzy to wear zoot suit tux. It wasn’t. Once to my Senior Prom, it was an ill-fitting baby blue vested black tux with tails which I thought would add a sense of personal flair. It didn’t. And the last was a classic tuxedo I wore in my high school production of 42nd Street, which was supposed to make our awkward chorus of teenage boys seem dashing. It was a good try. The point is I’ve never liked the way I looked or felt in tuxedo, they simply don’t suit me. My good-natured mother has been nudging (occasionally shoving) me to wear a tux on my wedding, and both parents have commented that I’ll regret it if I don’t. But is it crazy to say I don’t think I will, so long and I feel my most handsome that day. Plus if we want to talk about regrets we could talk about the powder blue ultra 70’s with ruffles and tinted sunglasses number my Dad wore to his wedding. Yes its as amazing and funny as you’re imagining. (more…)

So you’re finally engaged! Congratulations! For some couples this is a immediate diving point into the complex, fun, and occasionally stressful process of planning a big ceremony and reception that is uniquely “them”. Other couples such as myself opt for longer engagement periods before taking the full fledged dive into the planning process. Whatever the case may be this is one of life pivotal moments and its definitely on worth celebrating. But many couples may be wondering what the protocol is: Do we wait a period of time after being engaged? Do guests bring gifts? Do we invite just family? Should it be formal or casual? Truthfully the answers to these questions are in you’re hands and no one else’s but here are some tips from me on how to a successful engagement party that marks start of the great big wedding planning insanity.

1. Ignore the Traditions: Etiquette aficionados will tell you that the function of an engagement party is to introduce your two families to each other and formally announce your engagement to world. But lets be honest this isn’t the 50’s, there is a good chance that your families will have met already and be well aware of your engagement. Also if they haven’t met yet perhaps this isn’t the best occasion to blend families and spring the news of your engagement, those matters may require a touch more delicacy and this occasion should be about you and your fiancée and not the mama-in-law drama. Other traditions include the parents hosting the event, elaborate decorations, and heavy teeming. Ignore these traditions and rules unless they suit you personalities, the fact is that your about to plan an event loaded with traditions. There will be time for rules, etiquette and formality.
2. Assemble the Right Crowd: Another thing etiquette guides will tell you is not to invite anyone that isn’t going to be invited to the wedding. But this can be a great opportunity to invite people who may not be able to make it to the wedding. Our wedding is going to be in Southern California so it was nice to be able to celebrate with many of our friends from Vegas. Also if its at all possible to have out of town friends attend it can be worth the extra effort to get them there. The mingling of my groomsmaids from San Francisco with Joey’s groomsmaids gave a real sense of family and our own private wedding community coming around to celebrate us.

   

   

   

   
   
   

   Photos From My Private Collection

3. Keep It Simple: Its easy to get caught up in a the images of a high society engagement party, finger foods, mimosas but really ask yourself if that’s representative of your relationship. If that’s who you are then go ahead and rock to the beat of that drum but remember your launching into planning a big and expensive party as it is so making this event as simple and stress free will help allow you to enjoy yourself. In lieu of engagement gifts we made the event B.Y.O.B and potluck. This gave us a wide variety of friends specialty foods and drinks from enchiladas and chocolate truffle cupcakes to homemade limoncello and pumpkin beer. We also held it on a night we would have held a party anyways, in our case Halloween. Which meant it was very little expense and unwanted stress for us.
4. Have Fun: At the end of the day this is just a party, its not the most important day of your life but it is a special occasion and it can be one of the most fun days of your life. Let loose and let go!

Here is a little background since this is my first blog, Joey and I met in late July 2005 over myspace (of all places), I found his profile whilst surfing and noticed his love of Le Tigre, Hole, Literature and art however at the time I was living in New York City and he was in Montgomery, AL. We began a correspondence and on September 1st 2005 we decided to become an item. We met for the first time shortly after and from the first moment it was magic. We moved in together in Las Vegas after 10 Months of dating and about a dozen plane tickets (I know that might sound crazy to some of you) and we’ve been together ever since.

So on our 3rd anniversary (September 1st, 2008), I took Joey on a sort of Easter egg hunt with clue cards about each special event I had planned. When he woke up there was a red envelope taped to his door and inside was a card letting him know he would be receiving a variety of cards throughout the day on one side would be a clue about what the next activity was and on the back would be a clue towards what the final present would be. We went to see a movie he was excited about, ate taco bell (our first “date” was there, we love some taco bell), went indoor black light miniature golfing, went record shopping and then the big surprise was Bob Dylan tickets. The concert was… unique to say the least. (more…)