So You're EnGAYged, a LGBT wedding blog

It feels strange to be writing this so soon after the long-awaited news that Proposition 8 has been overturned.  Although I believe all of us know that there’s still a long and difficult road ahead, there’s much to be said for attaining such a victory. Yet I have to admit, this news feels bittersweet for me.

I recently found myself un-engayged, less than three months from what would have been my wedding day. While I wish to respect my former partner’s privacy, I can say that this came as a terrible shock to me, and I’m still feeling a huge amount of grief. To be honest, I haven’t been able to bring myself to visit the site in the last few weeks. I know I’ll be back soon, though, because I still have so much in common with the  bloggers, the commenters, and the founders here: we love love.  We love being in love, we love talking about love, we love finding ways to express love with paper and flowers and fabric and yarn and music. Even though so much is changing for me, that quality remains– I still love love, and it still makes me happy to know that so many of you are on here celebrating it.

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It’s pretty safe to say that most people who look at my fiancee correctly assume she’s gay. Stacy’s got short hair (that she has cut by a real barber, in a real barbershop), speaks directly and succinctly, and plays hockey. I’m pretty sure the last time she was in a dress was for her first communion, and boy, you should see that picture. It was the 80′s, so even her socks were frilly, and Stacy looks like she’d rather claw her eyes out with a rusty fork than spend one more second in that tower of white ruffles.

I, on the other hand, usually notice a flicker of surprise when people I’ve just met catch on to my pronoun usage, which is often how I choose to out myself.  I guess I come off as straight because I have long hair (even though it’s usually pulled back), own a fair amount of skirts and dresses (though I spend most days in jeans and a t-shirt), and enjoy earrings and makeup (if I get up early enough to care about things like that). I’ve had conversations with sweet little old ladies about wedding planning come to a screeching halt when they realize I’m marrying someone of the same sex. Apparently I just don’t look gay– which is fine, because… I’m not.

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Photo via Flickr.

I come from a family that loves music– I mean, REALLY loves music.  My mom was drumming in a band when she was pregnant with me and finally had to give it up when her belly got so big that she couldn’t pick up a dropped stick.  Two of my earliest memories with my dad are when he took me with him to hear his favorite South African pop group perform, and when I accompanied him to a local independent radio station to “help” him DJ his weekly show.

Stacy and I also have many musical memories- in the early days of our relationship we spent many evenings out enjoying our favorite house DJs, and over the years we’ve discovered new favorite artists (The Shins, Vampire Weekend, Jack Johnson, Danger Mouse, Virginia Coalition) and reawakened our love for the classics (The Beatles, Al Green, Ella Fitzgerald, Van Morrison, Paul Simon). Stacy’s extra excited about the prospect of buying a house since it means we’ll finally have enough room and privacy for her turntables. We love having the radio playing as we make dinner or Sunday brunch, and every road trip becomes an excuse for getting some new tunes.

What we and our guests will hear at the wedding reception has been the subject of as much careful thought as what we’ll wear or eat. My best friend’s husband is a DJ, and he’s graciously offered his services for our reception. I trust his taste– they had Booker T on their wedding website, for goodness sakes– but I wanted each part of the reception to have a specific musical feel, so I came up with the following suggestions to give him.

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Photo via Justin Liew’s flickr photostream.

I have a membership at a gym I really like. It’s clean and bright, the staff is friendly, there are people of all sizes there, it’s usually not too crowded… And I hadn’t gone there since December.

See, I get into this awful cycle where if I don’t go to the gym, I feel super-guilty for not going to the gym, and so I, uh… Don’t go the gym because I feel guilty. I know. It’s crazy. And yet it’s an incredibly hard cycle for me to break. But I went tonight, and I’m hoping to get back into going three times a week.

Now, I don’t want you to think I buy into the BS idea that I should be at my lowest-ever weight/smallest size for my wedding day. I’ve never been what most people would call skinny, and I’m not going to pressure myself to fit someone else’s idea of what my body should look like. Anyway, I already bought a dress that’s comfortable, flattering… and fits me as I am (including what I’ve gained since I stopped going to the gym– hooray for corsets!).

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