My first recap ceremony post was focused on our readings and the beginning of our ceremony. This second post is about the second part of our ceremony. After our first two readings, we said our vows. They began with our officiant saying, “Will you each promise to take pride and joy at seeing the other continue to learn and grow, and when your partner’s life grows in one direction, will you try to bend and grow together?” and we responded We Will! We then said our vows. We didn’t want to use traditional vows and agreed that writing our own vows wasn’t really for us. Instead, we chose e.e. cummings poem “I Carry Your Heart With Me (I Carry It In My Heart)“. We chose this poem for two reasons:
1. It is gorgeous, beautiful and so well written.
2. It has a sort-of call and response that worked for our vows.
During our vows, our rings were being passed around through our guests. I have heard this called a blessing of the rings and a ring warming. You can choose whatever term you like! Regardless of what it is actually called, this was one of the most special components of our ceremony. It was so special to us to include all of of friends and family that had gathered with us to celebrate our marriage.
Towards the beginning of our ceremony, our officiant, Spike Gillespie, said the following:
Deborah and Michelle have each selected a ring that will be worn every day to symbolize their commitment to one another, and to keep as a token of remembrance when they are not able to be together. They would like to take a moment to pass the rings among their assembled friends and family, asking that as you hold the rings in your hands, you pass your blessing and wishes of good luck on them on them through the rings.
The plan was for the rings to be ‘warmed’ by the end of our vows, but plans, schmans! Our friends and family were really blessing our rings!
Thankfully, we had a back-up plan (we sort of figured it would take a wee bit longer than we thought). Our musicians played Ingrid Michaelson’s ‘The Way I Am.’ Here’s an excerpt of the song:
If you were falling, then I would catch you
You need a light, I’d find a match
Cause I love the way you say good morning
And you take me the way I am
If you are chilly, here take my sweater
Your head is aching; I’ll make it better
Cause I love you more than I could ever promise
And you take me the way I am
Jeffy was the last to bless the rings. I was told later that he started to give the rings back to our officiant,Spike, but then stopped and gave them this kiss (Thank you, Katherine O’Brien for capturing it). FYI… My happy tears? They are still flowing (during the ceremony and now as I write this recap). AND! The joy just kept going during our ring exchange.
Our ring exchange was composed of an excerpt from The X-Files episode Amor Fati (Season 7) and Finding Nemo. It sounds nerdy. I know. In reality, it is so so nerdy, but it is so us. Deborah and I first started talking about our relationship after many late nights watching X-Files episodes. We began with X-Files and it seemed fitting that we would have some kind of nod to that in our ceremony.
I won’t get into the super nerd-tastic details of two X-file fans views on Mulder and Scully’s relationship (i.e. why it is a perfect relationship that started in friendship and built on trust and respect). Yes, yes, I know we are discussing two fictional characters right now, which is why I’m just going to get to what we actually said:
You are my friend and you tell me the truth. Even when the world is falling apart: you are my constant, my touchstone. When I look at you, I’m home.
I told you there were happy tears!
With rings blessed and exchanged, our friend Sonya began our final reading, Why Marriage? by Mari Nichols-Haining
Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage expecting another to make them whole…
Together we create our marriage…
Because with this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.
Finally, we had our hand fasting. We chose to do a hand fasting for a variety of reasons. The biggest reasons were our cultural backgrounds (a stretch, but it was there) and the fact that we wanted some epic finality to the ceremony. A handfasting is so beautiful (on epic scale) and allowed us be married in more than just a ring exchange. Since we weren’t having a religious ceremony and we couldn’t have civil ceremony, we wanted SOMETHING! The handfasting was considered a legal form of marriage in Scotland until the early 20th century. Hey, if it was good enough for our ancestors, it is good enough for us!
My only experience with hand fasting was one I experienced at a Pagan wedding I had attended. Our friend Jennifer is Pagan and a bit of a write, so I asked her if she would be willing to speak about what a hand fasting was and the type of ceremony that would be taking place. I also asked if she knew of any blessings we could read during the hand fasting (that weren’t too spiritual). Jennifer went above and beyond. When she couldn’t find a blessing she liked, she wrote one herself. And it is beautiful, lovely, perfect, touching, amazing, insert-any-feel-good-word-here:
Michelle and Deborah,
May your love be like the fire of two flames, beginning separately
but joining together to reflect the light and warmth you create together into the lives of others.
May your wisdom be like a river flowing into a sea, so you may give truth and knowledge freely to each other.
May your honesty be like the meeting of winds, sometimes moving storms and
sometimes creating them, but ending always in peace.
May your strength be like the slow meeting of two mountains,
pushing each other past all obstacles up into the sky.
By the grace of the goddess, blessed be
Then, Spike fastened our hands together with our hand fasting cord, and pronounced us married in front of our friends, family and everyone else in the entire world! Then we were told ‘You May Kiss Your Bride!’ and we did!!!!
We were then presented as Mrs. and Mrs. Campbell-Greene and walked back down the aisle to My Girl by the Temptations as two smiling, overwhelmed with love, married ladies.
With flags and ribbons, our guests waved their congratulations!
Our bridesmates give a resouding cheer!
We hopped into our awesome vintage car and as we left, our bridesmates all shouted ‘Huzzah! Huzzah!’ It was awesome, in the original meaning of the word– awe inspiring and amazing. Even months down the road, I remember so much from our ceremony. A lot of friends said it would be a blur, but there are so many beautiful moments that still stand out, crystal clear, in my mind.
All photos by Katherine O’Brien Photography
Next up: Our Reception!
Want to read more? Here are more posts from our wedding:
The Ceremony, Part 1
Post-Portrait Shenanigans
Group Photos
Our First Look
Deborah Getting Ready
Michelle Getting Ready
Oh my goodness, the photos and description of the ring blessing makes me cry! Congratulations, what a beautiful and special ceremony!
I love EVERYTHING about your ceremony details… the readings… the song… the ring warming… it’s all so personal and inspirational! I’m dying to know what excerpt you used from Finding Nemo ;)
That shot of you two coming down the aisle…priceless. It conveys so much happiness and love.
Love love love!! The first photo is great!
Congratulations, Ladies! The entire wedding looks fabulous!! You two were made for each other!
This post makes me so unbelievably gooshy inside–I love it! And well so so agree on the addition of the hand fasting ceremony–the implied legality if that action adds something more… Huzzah!