Thanks to our por-gay vendor, Maureen Cotton for sending these engagement photos. And the cowgirl shots!
We traveled in similar social circles for a while, since our girlfriends at the time were best friends. When we first officially met a year before actually getting together, it wasn’t love at first sight. Alex doesn’t even really remember meeting Maria! We just weren’t on each other’s radars yet.
About a year later, we were part of a large group of friends celebrating New Year’s Eve, and the next morning at brunch was the first time we actually made real eye contact and conversation. While we still weren’t interested in each other yet, we definitely connected on some level. A short time later, we ran into each other at a dance club and shared a moment on the dance floor; this time there was definitely an instant physical connection. After that Maria invited Alex to a house party, where there was some subtle chemistry. Finally, we found ourselves at someone’s birthday party, which was held at a bar, and this time, we both let our guards down.
The next day, Alex sent Maria a 4-word message on Friendster (pre-Facebook and MySpace) – which turned into a multi-day-long conversation that we still have saved. A few days later, our first date started us on a road of passion, humor, laughter, and intimacy, and we never looked back.
We pride ourselves on having the anti-fairytale story of engagement! It’s a very vulnerable story for us, but we think it’s important to share it because we’ve learned through our own experience and that of other couples that it’s often not as simple as “One person asked, the other said yes.”
Maria had never defined marriage as the definition of commitment (you really can’t when you’re gay and it’s illegal for you to have a recognized wedding). Alex, on the other hand, did have a vision of marrying someday, and was convinced that Maria would grow to the idea and that Alex could someday propose. Someday.
However, Maria came around much earlier than expected—realizing that she did want to celebrate the relationship with a wedding. But Maria didn’t tell Alex about this shift. She secretly researched ring designs and worked with a friend to create an amazing piece. Six months after first deciding that she would propose, Maria did the deed, at a Portland bed and breakfast at the beginning of New England roadtrip vacation together.
When Alex unwrapped the CVS bag, which held a carved wooden box, which held a unique diamond ring, she was completely shocked. Maria had been poo-pooing marriage, up until only a few weeks before! Alex knew in her head that she was supposed to say yes, but her mind, heart, and anything else that gets involved had not yet caught up to the idea.
So it wasn’t until 36 hours later, at their next stop at a B&B in New Hampshire, that Alex said yes. Those 36 years contained lots of conversation, difficult questions, unearthed assumptions, fears, tears, and vulnerability. But most of all, those were hours of complete honesty. When Alex said “Yes, okay, whoa, let’s do this!”, it was the beginning of the next step in their relationship. Deeper, more vulnerable, and seriously giving in to the notion of commitment.
We have found our own, deeply personal, and deeply real definition of commitment, engagement, and marriage. We don’t use the word “forever” – because nothing is. That, of course, is the intention. But we take nothing for granted and live, love and connect deliberately every day.
We have not yet secured a date or location. We have a very specific and unique vision in mind for our wedding – one that we are not willing to negotiate or rush. We are picturing a 2 day/2 night weekend event at a summer camp-like setting, with 100-150 guests all staying together, enveloped in nature and warm weather. So we are currently in the research stage of planning, and looking to secure a date for August or early September 2012.
Love the pictures of you two in the windows!! So great, all around!
What a beautiful couple! The connection shows. Best wishes!
You’ve got to check out Bournedale (http://www.capefunctions.com/)
I’m getting married there in Sept. It’s set on a beautiful lake and has cabins to sleep 200+ guests. Their overnight package is reasonably priced and they take care of everything for you! Amazing.
Congrats! You guys look truly in love!
Thanks everyone! I love the recommendation — keep ‘em coming!
These are really great! I especially love the one with the kissing over the fence. Too cute!
Awe, love you two. Gorgeous photos! xo
It may have taken 36 years, but it was worth it :)
You know, for an anti-fairy tale, this sure is one cute story! I hate to get all mushy especially since we just met and all =) but the delayed response which entailed “lots of conversation, difficult questions, unearthed assumptions, fears, tears, and vulnerability” was especially touching. And I’m very much-so looking forward to that. Congrats….