Photo by Tanja Nixx - my amazing tattoo artist.
I had a sticky on my desk as I was planning the wedding and it said:
Make it your own
Involve your community
Keep it simple
Be present
Let your friends and family be your loving support
I looked at that sticky note every day and I drew inspiration from it each and every time I had to make a decision. The wedding industrial complex exists for a reason and we tried to thwart it at every turn.
I wanted to list out the DIY projects and things we did to save money because it is possible to have an incredible wedding for under $10,000! We did it and you can, too! As I was reflecting back on our wedding day, it became crystal clear to me how important each one of these decisions was because they all contributed to the most perfect day. Our wedding was a celebration of love and community—or as my day of event planner called it, “A backyard picnic with 32 pieces of flair!”
We saved money like this:
- Handmade invitations – it was a huge undertaking, but so worth it
- Altar and photobooth backdrop – made by a friend and I
- Photobooth props – made by me
- Paper napkin flowers – thanks to my friends and family, we had almost 100
- Small table cloths used on cafe tables for the reception – sewn by my Mom
- Small fabric flowers – sewn by me because we couldn’t afford fresh flowers
- Vases – spray-painted white by me – most were jars
- Buttons – four different styles and handed out to guests as they arrived – purchased on Etsy from an LGBT seller
- Pegboard memory board – my Dad helped me with this one
- Picture frames around the venue – purchased at IKEA and decorated with stickers that we got at Michael’s
- Dessert table – I trusted a friend to do most of the work and so happy I did
- Jewelry – my earrings and bracelets were made by my maid of honor
- Hair flowers for my maid of honor, bridesmaid, and mother – bought on Etsy
- Vintage brooch bouquet – mostly made by me, made fabulous by my maid of honor
- Bridesmaid bouquets – once my maid of honor got into town, she whipped up two gorgeous bouquets out of silk flowers
- Veil and birdcage veil – made by my lovely friend, who also married us – she rocks!
- Here Comes the Bride sign – made by my sister
- Boutonnières – vintage tulip pins purchased by Nat’s friend
- Hair – did it myself
- Makeup – my officiant is an expert fake eyelash applier – I asked her to do it
- Wedding dress – bought a bridesmaid dress and ordered it in white
- Music – we provided it all to a sound guy on CD. Who needs a DJ?!
- Venue – finding a venue that was owned by someone in the LGBT community was super important to us. We got married at a bar in the Mission District with a gorgeous back patio and it was transformed with our funky decorations into a splendid love fest!
Splurge on the following:
- Mani/pedi the day before – it was super relaxing and we paid for all of the ladies in our wedding party. Everyone was relaxed and looked fabulous!
- Rehearsal dinner – we almost weren’t able to afford it, but thankfully my Mom made it happen. Keep it simple; we ordered pizzas!
- Food at the reception – make sure that you find a delicious caterer for your big day. I think some people just came to our wedding to eat our delicious food. Ha!
- Hotel – spring for a nice hotel, so that you and your bridal party can get ready together. We found a great gay-owned B&B that treated us like family.
- Photographer – this was a last minute expense for us, but I’m so happy that I took the time to place an ad on Craigslist and was very thoughtful about who I chose. We actually got two photographers because my tattoo artist wanted to shoot a gay wedding and she did a phenomenal job!
- Shoes – the shoes I wore for my wedding were the most expensive pair I’ve ever purchased, but they were fantastic. I made sure that they were comfortable enough to wear throughout the day and they totally sparkled!
Reflecting back on our big day, I can say, without any hesitation, that it was perfect. Every single decision, sleepless night, craft project, splurge, and lesbian processing conversation paid off in creating the most splendid day ever, not only for us, but also for our friends, family, and community. I’m sure that you’ll have your own experience of your big day, but the last five things I’d like to leave you with are from a femme who worried quite a bit about everything. Some of these are shallow, but I’ll share them anyway.
- Get plenty of rest and take really good care of your skin leading up to your big day. I started moisturizing and using face scrubs/masks and in my photos my skin is glowing. Drink lots of water, too!
- Work out and eat well. I did fun workout routines (aerobics, weights, dancing) in my living room in the six months leading up to the wedding and not only were they a great stress reliever, they helped me develop muscles and feel super sexy in my body for the big day. I’m not a small girl … never will be … but lifting weights and sweating it out a few times a week helped build my confidence big time.
- Have a vision and go with it. I started out with a small inspiration board I found on one of the wedding blogs. Lots of people told me I was crazy when I said my wedding colors were red, blue, and white.
- Delegate – we had the MOST AMAZING group of friends and family that chipped in all weekend to make it super special. I am forever indebted to them and hope that if/when they decide to have a big event, they can count on me to be there 100 percent.
- Be present – I was a nervous wreck leading up to our wedding. The first night of restful sleep I had was the night before our big day. Our officiant, also one of my dearest friends, got us super grounded right before the ceremony and I’m so happy that she did. I was grounded and present in a way I hadn’t been before. The day will pass by so quickly – you’ve been warned – take time to stop and observe!
- Laugh, have fun, and be prepared for one or two things to get totally fucked up! I had some visions for baking projects I wanted for the dessert table – they didn’t happen and I had to let it go. We had some friend drama in the days leading up to the wedding and found out about some big drama at the reception on our wedding night. People are freaks and those who aren’t fully present and/or happy for you will fall apart on your wedding day. Be prepared to let them go. If anyone purposefully messes up your wedding day, you might want to consider how important they are to you!? Nat and I are dealing with some big friend issues right now and although it sucks, we feel super bonded together as a couple – our first challenge as wife and wife!
Can’t wait to start posting the rest of our wedding!
SD
Great advice. We are having a hard time with traditional wedding vendors and are doing a lot of things ourselves because of that. That said, we have had so much fun with DIY projects and I can’t wait to share with our guests on our big day :)
Congratulations!
As one of the people lucky enough to have been invited to join you on your big day, I can attest that it was truly special, and a lot of fun! May you and Nat have many decades of happiness!
Great advice – I am a bride as well as a vendor, so it’s weddings ALL the time…especially stressful to plan one on top of running a business. So happy to know it’s possible to keep it simple and still have a fantastic day that you, your partner and all your guests fondly remember without spending a boatload of money (after all, money is not what it’s all about). Congrats to you and your wife!
Congrats SD!!!! We just got married too, and I look forward to lots of recaps!
What a beautiful wedding. Good choice of hotel, reception and food! It was a beautiful wedding with loads of love going around!
Awesome Advice!