I know that a lot of the readers out there do not (unfortunately) live a state where they can get legally married (yet). I thought about making this post all about marriage inequality with an ironic twist about how unfair it is that Jen and I have to do all this paperwork when others don’t. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that I didn’t feel that way, at all (about the paperwork thing. I of course think that it’s against all basic human rights to allow some consenting adults to get married and not others). Filling out the paper work was kind of cool and made it feel real. So while this post may leave some people bitter and to some it may feel like I’m rubbing my god fortune in their faces, I would like to take this moment to rejoice in one small victory towards equal rights. And so I embark on the journey of getting all the paper work done.
Step one: The license
The license was really very easy to apply for. The hardest part was getting to city hall after work (I take that back the hardest part was finding parking at city hall. We should have taken the subway). Now in Massachusetts you can get your marriage license in any city you want, regardless of what city you live in or what city your getting married in. So Jen and I did some on-line shopping to discover what city around us had the cheapest marriage license ($50 for a license from the city of Boston? No thank you!). Then we looked at what days the various city halls were open late. Keeping in mind that this was a Saturday we found ourselves with two options: pay $35 and go apply for it on Monday, or pay $30 and wait until Thursday to apply. We decided that we couldn’t wait and went and paid $5 more and get our license three days early. The Internet told me that we might need either our birth certificates or our passports for identification. Now any time that identification might be an issue I always over compensate and bring every form of ID I can think of, so of course they didn’t actually ask us for any form of ID. So we filled out all three forms that we had to fill out.
Instead of asking for a Bride and a Groom the forms asked for Party A and Party B. So I was Party B and Jen was Party A. I found this interesting considering just how many forms we’ve filled out where we’ve had to decide what to do with the Groom section of the form (Do you cross it out, do you just ignore it, do you say something to the vendor you’re working with?). I have been wondering for some time what the government did so that I can could wonder in more excruciating detail why the government and Bed Bath and Beyond can manage to come up with gender neutral terms but florists throughout the state still have forms that say “bride and groom”. I know it takes a little brain power here kids, but the question of what termnology to use on your forms is not an impossible puzzle to solve. If the government can do it, so can can you.
I digress…the forms were filled out and after the three day waiting period I stopped back at city hall on my way home from work and picked up our marriage license. I had read lots of advice that it’s a good idea to get your license taken care of a month in advance. This way you don’t get caught up in the three day waiting period. While it wasn’t a month in advance getting it done this early was good. Now no matter what happens in the rest of our prep time we can console ourselves with the fact that we can still get married.
Here we are at city hall. Yep, those big stupid grins are cause we just applied for a marriage license.
Step Two: One Day Marriage Designation Application.
Some of you maybe saying “WHAT?”. So I will explain this. In the state of Massachusetts they have this law (I believe New York has one too) that simply put says anyone can marry you. And it really is almost that simple. What you do is you download the single page One Day Marriage Designation Application form the commonwealths website,; fill it out, get someone to write up a recommendation for the person you want to have marry you, and then send it to the State House for the Governor to approve. I work near the State House, (can I take the moment to point out that the capital building of our Commonwealth is a State house. Weird right?) so I just dropped it off on my lunch hour. The application was approved that day and our designatee received the paper work in the mail that week.
So it is now official: on May 29th, in Brockton, our friend can legally marry us. Come hell or high water we will be married. We have all the paperwork to prove it.
Diane,
My fiancee and I are from Florida, but are coming to Mass immediately following our wedding here to marry legally in Mass. Any pointers/suggestions? Your post was helpful (we knew about the wait for the license but did not know about the Designation application.
Thanks again!
–Kaleigh
Diane,
I hear you about the whole bride/groom designation! It drove me crazy to have to fill out forms like that and I always found myself crossing out groom cause it was much more fun that way. And, I kind of felt like it sent a little message too.
I wrote about the Vermont marriage license here: http://equalitywedding.wordpress.com/2011/05/10/legal-documents
At least they’ve adjusted their forms too!
Here’s to hoping other companies in states where same-sex marriage is legal start to do the same!
Emily
Just got married at city hall in DC. My favorite part is when they say “By the power invested in me by the District of Columbia, AND THE US CONGRESS!!!!” Congrats to both of you on making it legal!
Which city hall did you go to? We’re Boston residents and figured we’d pony up the $50 to not have to get a zipcar to go elsewhere (because at that point, I consider it a wash).
Hey Jeremie,
We went to Cambridge City Hall. It’s in Central Square and very accessiable via the red line.
Thank you so much for this post. We live in MA (and near Brockton) so your post is very helpful. We are having one of my FI’s friends marry us too. What did you (or whoever recommended them) have to write for the recommendation part?
Thanks! Oh, and I love your photos from recent posts too. Congrats!