So You're EnGAYged, a LGBT wedding blog

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It is hard to believe that as I write this,we are only 2 weeks, 6 days and 1.5 hours (but who is counting) away from the start of our wedding.  It seems like it has been a long time coming but at the same time, it feels like yesterday that Dave and I went venue searching last summer.

In thinking about this blog I posed the following question to myself: Has our wedding, so far, turned out the way we expected? In short, yes.  But it is not exactly what we envisioned. When we first started this process we had this idea that our wedding should fundamentally impress people with both its simplicity and sophistication.  While I think we are still striking that cord, I am less and less worried about how people will perceive it and more worried about how Dave and I will enjoy it.  I had it in my head that our wedding should break every possible tradition; that it would some how set the standard for the modern gay wedding.  But then I turned off the hyperbolics and remembered that Dave and I are just middle class kids who are not on the Martha Stewart trajectory.  And, more, when we tried to make it something it wasn’t it just felt forced.  So yes, it is the way we thought it would be, simple and sophisticated, but how we define those words have changed.

As I reflect further on the process I am reminded about how little we really knew when we got into this and how much we have learned.  I am impressed by our ability to pull this off.  While we have had a lot of assistance from our wedding planner and various other friends and family, we still feel central to the process.  It is true that we have many things to do and while we don’t know if it will all come off right, we trust that our vision will be effectuated.  As a couple this process did not bring us too much strife…believe me there were fights here and there…but nothing that a little stiff drink and some quiet time did not fix. I wish I could report that I was in some zen place…but I am not.  I know that everything will get done, but this is kind of the worst part…we are sooo close, but yet just far enough for it to feel distant.

But what I think has become clear to me over this planning process is how important it is to pay homage to traditon, while forging our own way.  I think we thought on the onset that we could do as we pleased, and there was no need to pay any attention to tradition, but as we thought more about it some traditions were worth keeping and had some connection to what we are trying to share.  We have decided to do a handfasting cermony, a la the Celtic tradition, although we may change it up just a little bit.  We are both Irish, and feel a deep connection to those roots, so this was a perfect marraige of a non-traditional cermony and our hertiage…and Dave likes the pretty ribbons.

As I have talked about before family is very important to us.  And unfortunately some of our close family will not be with us.  The only living sister of my grandmother is not able to travel and Dave’s grandfather just recently passed away.   These realities that present themselves in the midst of a joyful planning process is both sobering and humbling, but more so, serves as a reminder of why people get married and celebrate with their loves ones, because, simply, we don’t have forever with each other.  My father is not well, although he is doing well presently, but this summer has been hard.  So we are keenly aware of time these days; Time left with people, time spent doing things, and times to come.   Time, the passage of it, however fast or slow, will always sneak up on you but I am glad that for a day, Dave and I will be putting our flag down on the passage of time, to say, if saying meant anything, that we are present here, ready to continue loving each other, and to continue to respect the things that matter: family, friends, and love. So, as we embark on the final yards of our wedding race, we take solace in the fact that our love is as strong as ever, our life is good, and our intentions are good.

I will not do a full blog until after the wedding, but look out for a short DIY blog about a fun project I did: Wedding Advent Calendar!

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