So You're EnGAYged, a LGBT wedding blog

This process was far more taxing than we had thought.   My emails would always start off with outing ourselves, so that if there was any issues, we could scratch that hall off the list.   I had thought, given the economy halls would be faster in responding, but that was not always the case.  The waiting always made me wonder if it was a lack of organization or something more dubious.

We had two main criteria for a venue 1) Unique 2) Relatively inexpensive.

The first place we went to was in Buffalo where we used to live.   The hotel was our choice, in the abstract.  It is a boutique hotel and we had loved it when we stayed there for my birthday.   We found the staff, rooms, service, etc wonderful.  The hotel really is a show piece.  My parents came up from Long Island to come with us and help us with the meeting, as well as visit us for a couple days.

It was mid-summer, but rather rainy and cold.  It took about two hours to get there from Syracuse.  We got there right on time and met with the general manager.   Like I said, we have stayed at this hotel before, so I think we gave it, and him, a bit more license than we might of otherwise.

First, he did not even say congrats, and was not as warm and welcoming as I expected, but the hotel is grand and really fit the uniqueness we were looking for, albeit it bit out of our budget.  But what became increasingly clear was how much this hotel DIDN’T fit us.  There would be  little opportunity to put our stamp on the day, which is important to us.  When asked about linens etc., he replied “we do all that.”  When we asked “Well can we see some photos?” He retorted, “we have them on the website”  That should have sealed the deal, but we went on looking around.  I have to say that we really do love the venue, but we could simply not get past him and his nature.  Maybe he did not like gays or it was one of those, ‘this hotel is so special I needn’t have to sell it’ attitudes.  Either way, we left with a bad taste in our mouth, and while we went out to lunch to discuss what we thought, we all knew it was just not right.

I had been tempted to e-mail and let them know what a bad experience we had, but thought better of it, and just moved forward with our search.

On a side note, my nephew, who is about 12, was with us that day and kept asking “who is getting married?”  I never told him I was gay, always thought that his dad should explain that to him, but after a bit my mom took him aside and told him that Dave and I are getting married.   Later he said to me “Nanny told me you and Dave are getting married.  That is cool.  I think it should be legal.  I am going to write a letter to a senator.”

While that day may have been perturbed by the less than cordial hotel manager, it was made immensely better by my nephew’s pending letter writing campaign.

Given our less than wonderful experience in Buffalo, we started a full fledged search in the Syracuse area.  And by we I mean me.  Dave is all about the details but not so much about the gathering of them.  But it is just as well, I am a control freak anyway.

I cast a net of about an hour or so radius, I used www.cnyweddings.com, which proved very helpful.  One local city that we love is Ithaca  so I searched around a bunch of different halls there.  Some were a bit perfunctory and others were quaint and WAY too much money.  Then I came across “The Barn”.  At first I did not think much of it, but then I started to like the idea more and more.  I met our criteria of unique and affordable.   The pictures we saw looked fun and quirky.  I was getting really excited about it, David was still stuck on it being a barn, but played along.

So, we took the trip out to Ithaca on an offensively hot summer’s day.   I had this vision of the barn being tucked away down a tree lined road, where as you drove the winding dirt road, the barn would peak out from behind the trees, until it came into its full majestic view.  In my mind I saw David and I holding hands outside standing beneath trees in their late summer charm, with roaring hills as the back drop.  Once the formalities finished, we would repair to the majestic barn, which was strewn with cute lights.  The tables were dressed in white linens and the centerpieces were wild flowers freshly picked from the surrounding garden.  In my head, this was urban sheik meets country charm.

That was all in my head.  We pulled up to the barn and turned into the drive, which was not winding.  Rather, it doubled as the parking lot.   The barn was not set back but right off the main road and from inside you could hear the cars whizzing by.   It was clean and did have its own charm.  However, where the ceremony would take place did not have a back drop of rolling hills but instead the unpleasant view of the neighbor’s dilapidated shed.

The owner was very nice, and truth be told I would totally pick this venue for various types of parties because it really does have its charm, it just lacked the wow factor I had hoped it would poses.  It just was not what I was looking for, and Dave, well, he knew he was right all along.  One the ride back he noted, “I told you it was just a barn”.

In keeping with my insistent need to find this diamond in the rough quirky and unique venue, we visited a local artist space.  It hosts a wide range of events, from art shows to theater productions.  While it is in the heart of downtown Syracuse, I had thought it would be such a cute space for a wedding.  But, it was just too small.  And during our visit, there was a rehearsal for an upcoming fashion show, which I was fairly certain was a street walkers preparatory session. We felt bad for the manager, though.  They had the music so loud he had to fit his pitch in-between songs.  So after trying to find this wondrous unique space, I finally gave into the idea of doing it at a traditional hall.

We went to a couple halls/hotels of the tradition fare, but the one that stood out was The Renaissance Hotel (now Crowne Plaza) in downtown Syracuse.  We had gone there a couple times for drinks and thought it was a nice looking place and I had talked to some people who hosted events there and they had nice things to say.  So, in the end, I was excited to check it out.

When we met with the event planner, I immediately had a good feeling.  He was wearing a white blazer and green plaid pants.  I thought that if this guy works here, and if planning the event, unique would totally reign the day.

He took us to the banquet hall that we could use for our ceremony.  It was straight forward, not much to it.  The cocktail hour would be right outside, which was convenient .  He then showed us the reception hall.  It was on the 20th floor of the hotel and was surrounded with windows and you could see over the whole city.  We were struck by this and imagined how it might look at night time.  I even imagined commissioning fireworks to be lit after our first dance a la Wishes at Magic Kingdom.  I mean, I know that would not happen, but the fact that I was thinking about it was a good sign.

There were some downsides, the room was a horse shoe, so not everyone could see us, which depending on who we are talking about might not be the worst thing.   Also the dance floor was a bit small, and we both, and many of our friends love to dance.  But all in all, we were excited about the place.   We liked that our family, both of which would have to travel, could stay at the hotel.  We liked that the hotel was 5 minutes from our house.  And we also really liked the event planner.  It was the first time we felt like someone actually cared that we were getting married and wanted to be part of the process.  Needless to say, we left that meeting fairly sure we would pick this hotel and for the first time in weeks were excited about the wedding planning.

The last place we checked out, on our friend Dan’s recommendation was the Lincklean House (www.lincklaenhouse.com), in Cazenovia, which is about 20 minutes from our house.   It is an old inn, over 170 years old.  The website did not have a lot in the way of information on cost, but we figured it was worth a trip.  Cazenovia is a great town, with shops and restaurants.  Reminds me of an eastern Long Island town.  When we first walked in we knew that it was the perfect location for us.  You are greeted with black and white tiled floors and a large red carpet stair case.  The lobby has wonderfully large leather couches anchored by a fire place.  The dinning room doubles as their restaurant, so it does not look like a banquet hall, which we liked. And while we need to finish the wedding at 11pm, there is a bar in the basement of the hotel which is open to 2am!! And then she gave us their famous popovers with honey-butter.  We were sold!!  Another plus was that they have hosted same-sex weddings before.   Leaving there Dave was so excited.  While the Renaissance was still a contender we really loved the Lincklean House.

So, on a sunny summer afternoon, we sat on our porch with our laptop and ran through the pros and cons.  Cost, feel, uniqueness, capacity, style, etc.  And between sips of wine, we decided to choose the Lincklean House.  So, we met again with Carrie and got the date we wanted, labor day weekend!   While this was an exhausting process, we really feel like we got the right place.

Once we signed the contract, things started to seem real.  It became easier to visualize ourselves getting married, and that was a great and long awaited feeling!

Below are some pics of the Lincklaen House

This is the main reception hall,the sweat heart table will be right in front of the fire place

Another shot of the main reception room

This is in the front of the hotel, where we will most likely set up the bar

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