Last Saturday I planned a tux shopping event with my Best Man, Jon, to occur around the same time that Liz went shopping for her dress with her Matron of Honor, mom and cousin. I knew that the tux shop would likely be confused and would assume Jon was the one getting married, and they might even go so far as to assume he was marrying me, so as an incentive I promised Jon a beer at the local pub afterward. What I hadn’t realized was that this process would be much more painful to me.
The Men’s Wearhouse near me hadn’t batted an eye when I was fitted for the tux I wore when I was Best Mate in another friend’s wedding, but they, unfortunately, don’t have tails in ivory. So Jon and I, instead, headed to Selix Formalwear. They carry ivory tails and for some reason I had really fallen in love with the idea of tails. After some initial confusion on the part of the salesman, he had me set up with a shirt, vest, tie and jacket. Now, my idea is to have a sage green vest and a cornflower blue tie, but this will give you a general idea:
I liked it, I did. Although I would have liked to have seen it with the pants. I’m not sure why they weren’t offered.
But here’s the thing: Liz and I, like most of you reading this I imagine, only want to deal with gay friendly vendors. After working with this salesman for about 20 or 30 minutes he began filling out a form for my wedding and he looked right at me and said “and what’s the groom’s name?” I laughed, smiled weakly, and waited for him to correct himself. He never did. I had made it perfectly clear that I was wearing a tux at my wedding and the other bride was wearing a dress. But he still thought there was a groom… somehow. I also found the little posters that mentioned the second coming of Christ to be a bit ominous:
Jon and I walked out of Selix with a folder full of information about how to finish the rental process and an uneasy feeling in our stomachs. I gave him one pained look and he said, “Right. What you need is a drink.” After a pint of the local pale ale and a plate of onion rings and garlic fries, we decided that renting the pretty tux was not worth the price I would pay emotionally so we headed back out for more tux hunting.
We stopped by Men’s Wearhouse where a decidedly unhelpful salesman informed me that they didn’t have what I wanted and nothing for me to try on to see if I could compromise my dream of ivory tails. Then we headed to Nordstrom’s to see if I might be able to suck it up and buy my formalwear, but alas, they don’t carry tails. Finally Jon placed a call to another lesbian friend of his who quickly recommended Tuxedo Fashions in downtown San Jose.
Sure enough, the people at Tuxedo Fashions were terrific. They had everything for me to try on and let Jon try on his tuxedo too. When they were taking down my information, the saleswoman smiled at me and said “and your bride’s name?” Awesome customer service. The only problem was, no ivory tails. And to be honest, I just don’t think the ivory tuxedo that I tried on looks that great on me. I know I don’t want to wear it standing next to my beautiful bride in her silk organza gown.
Six hours of tuxedo shopping (including a stop for beer and another stop for some Valentine’s Day goodies from LUSH Cosmetics) and I still have no idea what I am going to wear to my wedding. I do know, however, that we will be renting all my Bridesmates’ tuxedos from Tuxedo Fashion.
And the kicker? Liz found her dress in the first store she shopped in. She had the full on tears-in-her-eyes this-is-the-ONE moment. I just hope I can have mine.
Glad you didn’t give up! I think I would have needed a two-day breather after Selix! I’ve always had great experiences at the Men’s Warehouse near my hometown. But, they’re tux shop was none too happy when my cousin was getting married and she mentioned a female attendant (me) that would need a fitting.
So does this mean we have to go beer drinking tuxedo shopping some more?
Sigh. The things I do for family…
Dang, go you. Dealing with other people’s bulls*@t is enough to make me want to abandon the quest sometimes. I’m super impressed with your stamina through the gender-policing, heteronormative obstacle course that is suit/tux shopping.
We were so not able to handle it that we went the internet route. I really admire your courage under-fire: walking into another tux store after dealing with asshats in the first shop is real courage. It’s often more courage than I can muster.
What a frustrating day! Stacy hasn’t really shopped anywhere yet out of nervousness about having this kind of experience, but she HAS decided to go see a friend of a friend who works at Saks in the suit section (and happens to be a gay guy). I don’t know if you’d feel comfortable with this, but I wonder if a compromise might be to wear a white women’s suit? It wouldn’t have the tails, but you’d probably have more options and could get your vest seperately. I hear Ann Taylor and J Crew carry some great suits. It also might be worth combing eBay, Craigslist, and secondhand stores- you really never know what you’ll find there!
By no means am I an expert in the whole women shopping for men’s suits….but… in collage I bought a white women’s tuxedo for a formal dance(my fiance, Wasabi, wore a black tux, it was hot). I searched everywhere for what I wanted and then randomly stumbled upon the perfect white women’s tux at a Club Monaco store in DC. I won’t say it was cheep, but damn I love that thing, and we looked hella good to, if I do say so myself.
So, I guess what I’m saying is, keep looking, something will jump out at you. You may not cry, but you will find something you love.
This is a long shot but since you are on the west coast- There’s a shop in Portland that made a white suit for a lesbain wedding that was featured on this site. The shop is called Duchess.
http://www.soyoureengayged.com/real-weddings/real-gay-wedding-salem-oregon-christmas-tree-farm-corinna-and-julie/
Good luck, and way to persevere despite all of the heterocentricity!
Oh Raven, I am so inspired by you! Ms. Grrrl got it right–that takes some STAMINA to go through all that in a day! And Wasabi’s Portland idea isn’t half bad: definitely more queer friendly and you could make it a weekend getaway!
My advice is also to think about other lighter colors–grey, beige, brown? Alex thought she really wanted a cream suit, but it came down to seeing it in the shop, she changed her mind.
Good luck, and keep us posted!
Hey Raven,
You won’t believe what we found for you. We have an Ivory Tail (fulldress) in our store that we just got in for you. Please stop by and try it on to see if will work for your wedding. Thanks for the nice comments. We will do our very best for you and Jon. See you soon.
So impressive that you kept going and found a great place. I was talking to soon-to-be-married friend Nate who just said he didn’t want to go to Men’s Wearhouse “because they’re kind of douchebags.” I suggested that we find a local tux shop that is not comprised of douchebags.
Here’s hoping that you find the perfect “this is the one” tux!
Wow! Israel, who commented above, works at the awesome Tuxedo Fashions shop. He left me a message that they may have tracked down just what I want. How incredible is that??? I’ll be heading down there as soon as I get back from vacation! Woo hoo!
Go Israel! Here’s to customer service!