Photo by Wyatt Olson Photography
A few weeks ago, I was having a blogger conversation with Kelly about my just-gone California wedding and she shared that her and Natalie wondered how I had arrived at the decision to wear a red dress… It never occurred to me to blog about it because, really, it was always what I wanted for our California wedding that I stopped thinking of it as ‘different!’ (Kind of like when Mandy was reminded that a family wedding was the ‘antithesis‘ of hers…)
I think maybe it started as a serious joke. Something I said in passing to someone when talking about the wedding–Alex’s favorite color is red and we knew it would get incorporated into one of the weddings–and maybe it just instantly made so much sense that I never went back to another idea. Plus, it helped finding the perfect wedding dress(es) when I wasn’t EVEN looking for wedding dresses yet! The quick story goes that I found my English wedding dress in a (just happened-upon) sample sale at The English Department (who rock!), went on Jenny Yoo’s website, saw the red dress, tried on one in white, and then ordered the red one!
See:
It has pockets!
Dresses by Jenny Yoo
Ok, so I bought the red because when I tried it on in white in the shop, I started wiggling around in a happy dance that, even with my excessive enthusiasm for many things, has rarely happened to me in my life. I knew I’d found the dress! Whoo!
But I bought the dress in red for a few different reasons.
One, the color f*ckin’ rocked. I mean, poppy red in shantung silk is gorgeous.
Two, I look really good in red, if I do say so myself, and I’ve always wanted a red dress. The thing about wanting a red dress though is that wherever you wear a red dress, you’re going to be the center of attention (in my opinion) because you don’t miss a red dress. So what better time than your own wedding, right?!
Third, I really struggled with the idea of wearing a white dress, aside from the fact that it washes me out. On a superficial level, Alex wasn’t going to be wearing white because it didn’t feel right nor look good on her either. As you might remember from the English wedding, I wore a champagne (Yoo called it ‘snow’–ha! Not where I come from…) shantung silk dress. The champagne color was fitting with the light oatmeal of Alex’s suit and I glowed in the dress. But on a deeper level, I just couldn’t envision myself in a white dress the more into the wedding planning we got. A white dress to me, especially without Alex not wearing white either, really made a statement that “I was the BRIDE.” In all the photographs I’ve poured over and blogs/magazines I’d seen, no matter how gender conscious I wanted to be my eyes instantly went to ‘the white dress’ of almost every wedding I saw where only one partner wore a dress (gay or straight). There was a thorn in my side thinking that our guests–and anyone who saw our photos–would look at me as ‘the bride,’ and not Alex. And that, broke my heart.
Now, I don’t really think that only wearing a white dress makes you ‘a bride.’ Alex is my bride, through and through. But a white dress wasn’t me, wasn’t us, wasn’t what we were creating.
Lastly, another appealing thing about a red dress was that it was still a traditional wedding dress color: Chinese wedding dresses are red for good luck and to ward off evil spirits. Good luck sounded awesome, warding off any fears of gay-haters even better, and honoring the Asian-American part of my extended family that I hold very dear to me, best of all.
With all those reasons and thinking combined, I got my red dress. And I wouldn’t have it any other way…
Photo by Wyatt Olson Photography
WONDERFUL and BRAVO!
I don’t want to wear a white dress either, my girlfriend is more of a traditionalist but I agree with you. We are so ingrained to think that wearing white automatically makes you the bride when it shouldn’t matter, whether you are two grooms, two brides or a bride and a groom – the wedding should be a celebration of the two getting married and not about labeling. You looked gorgeous by the way and I love the cowboy boots! Smashing, absolutely smashing!
You look gorgeous and totally rocked that dress! I’m wearing more of an off-white but with blue accents so not really traditional either. My fiancé is also wearing color. I love how we don’t have to play by “the rules” ;-)
Any dress with pockets is super exciting to me. I’m going to try on dresses next week with my sister and I called ahead to tell them that I’ll be wanting to put on “colorful” dresses even though I’m a bride. We’ll see what happens. You look stunning in that dress!!
Thanks for your thoughts behind your dress choice (white dress may designate one woman for the bride and the other the groom.) On point and thank you for articulating emotions and feelings I had on why I was so opposed to a wearing a white wedding dress. Even though I often wear white tops, etc I hated the thought of using something so traditional, which was leading others to other traditional assumptions and thoughts. I didn’t want to lose me-in all my gay glory. I wore a beautiful dress that was silver gray along with partner’s gorgeous cranberry colored dress.
Thanks all! I’m glad the sentiment resonated with you too… I was worried I’d come across anti-white dress, when I’m not really. It just wasn’t for me (or you, too)!
Good luck with the dress hunting if you’re still to go, and congrats on the wedding if it’s passed!