Thanks to Christina, a former real wedding feature of ours, and blogger for Steady Happy.
I’m writing this on our 5 year anniversary, 2 days before our 2 year wedding anniversary and on the day I’m 38 weeks pregnant, which means I’m full term.
So…here I am, married with baby on the way.
I have to admit this is NEVER a position I thought I would be in. As a gay woman and a feminist, I never really thought that marriage and family would be a part of my life. But now I couldn’t be more excited, I don’t know if I’m softening with age or broadening my definition of feminism. I truly believe that marriage and family can fit within those parameters.
Honestly, married life for us isn’t much different than the years we spent living together, and although we were fortunate enough to be one of the 18,000 couples that were able to be legally married, really I hate to say, it doesn’t mean much. We still have to file our taxes separately, I still have to list Patty as domestic partner (and prove it with joint checking accounts and notarized letters!) on my health insurance and Patty still has to legally adopt our baby.
Of course, that said, I would never do anything differently. I loved our wedding and I love our life, we are so blessed in so many ways.
We knew we wanted to try to have kids, so we spent our first year of marriage doing things just for us: we went out to see music, went to movies, hung out with friends, had dinner parties, and spent a month in Europe.
Europe was definitely the big event of our first year of wedded life. We took Patty’s mom to Ireland, visited friends in Scotland in London, and spent our one year wedding anniversary in Paris, where else? Patty’s best friend’s band had re-united and they were playing a big festival in Paris on our one year wedding anniversary. It seemed like a sign! We figured if we had kids, we wouldn’t be able to travel freely like that for a while, so we took advantage of it. It was the trip of a lifetime, and I’m so grateful we were able to do it.
And then we capped it all off with several weeks in New York city, visiting friends, going to fashion week, going to plays and generally enjoying ourselves as a couple.
So here we are, two years after our wedding, expecting a baby girl in September and I’m happy to share her “origins.” Patty’s brother is our donor, which means she be genetically linked to Patty–such an amazing gift. Basically, as soon as we returned from New York, we started trying to conceive. Patty’s brother was so easy and on board! He lives in town & they are in a band together, so he was very flexible and able to come over when everything lined up. (I charted my period & tracked my fertility for a year, so I knew when I was about to ovulate.) Without going into too much detail, we used a jar & a feeding syringe…no doctors office needed. (If you are considering this method & would like more details, I’m happy to answer any questions!) And it worked on the second try!
I have to admit, I was a little shocked it happened so quickly…I was expecting at least six months of trying and was a little floored when I took that pregnancy test!! Are we really ready? A baby! But I trust that the universe gives us exactly what we need at the right time.
And now, nine months later, everything is different and it is going to change even more, more than I can even anticipate…All I can think about is baby, baby, baby! With only two weeks to go until our due date, everyone advises us: go out now, spend time with each other, go to dinner, movies–anything that you won’t be able to do without a babysitter. So I’m looking forward to enjoying these last weeks before a new chapter in wedded life begins.
Oh my goodness! Beautiful story! I love it.
I’m sooooo happy for you two! :)
I absolutely would love some details on how you got pregnant! That is an amazing story and it makes me incredibly jealous !<3
I'd love to hear from you!
My email is diane_bsba@yahoo.com
Thank you for sharing !
my email is diane(underscore)bsba@yahoo.com
Thanks!
I too would love to know more about the how :) We’re about a year (or two) away from starting to conceive.
ulleryme(at)gmail(dot)com
Congrats! Many blessings. Here’s to a super rewarding birth experience, a healthy baby girl and life full of love!
Yay! I vote more and more posts like this on soyoureengayged… but maybe that’s because I’m married and not engayged anymore.
I would love to hear more about the particular path to conception as well… it’s something we’ve considered as well — our fears about it center around whether or not my wife’s parents will see the baby as her’s or as her brother’s. Any thoughts? Advice on how to broach the subject with family?
Christina- I loved reading about your wedding, and it’s so awesome to get an update on your very full, married life! What joy!!
I second what Ms. Grrrl said- I would love to see more stuff like this on SYE!
Your story is so incredibly touching… thank you for sharing! It is so amazing to feel the simple happiness when there is an abundance of love. Congrats on all your blessings!
My wife and I also plan on having her brother donate for us when we are ready to have kids so I love to hear similar stories! How can we get in touch with you to find out more?
Nicole, I’m really happy to be in touch with folks who have settled on the brother route. Have you talked with your in-laws yet about it? If so, how did they take it? The only thing that I worry about if we go the brother route is that my in-laws will always think of the baby as my brother-in-law’s and not my wife’s. We really want them to be a huge part of our children’s lives and don’t want to have to deal with them feeling like my brother-in-law is the “real father.”
If you know of any good reading about this, or if you have experience talking with your brother-in-law or your mother and father-in-law, I would love to hear more about your experience.
If there’s not already, there should really be a forum on the internet to talk about this stuff!