I’m writing this on our 5 year anniversary, 2 days before our 2 year wedding anniversary and on the day I’m 38 weeks pregnant, which means I’m full term.
So…here I am, married with baby on the way.
I have to admit this is NEVER a position I thought I would be in. As a gay woman and a feminist, I never really thought that marriage and family would be a part of my life. But now I couldn’t be more excited, I don’t know if I’m softening with age or broadening my definition of feminism. I truly believe that marriage and family can fit within those parameters.
Honestly, married life for us isn’t much different than the years we spent living together, and although we were fortunate enough to be one of the 18,000 couples that were able to be legally married, really I hate to say, it doesn’t mean much. We still have to file our taxes separately, I still have to list Patty as domestic partner (and prove it with joint checking accounts and notarized letters!) on my health insurance and Patty still has to legally adopt our baby.
Of course, that said, I would never do anything differently. I loved our wedding and I love our life, we are so blessed in so many ways.
We knew we wanted to try to have kids, so we spent our first year of marriage doing things just for us: we went out to see music, went to movies, hung out with friends, had dinner parties, and spent a month in Europe.
Europe was definitely the big event of our first year of wedded life. We took Patty’s mom to Ireland, visited friends in Scotland in London, and spent our one year wedding anniversary in Paris, where else? Patty’s best friend’s band had re-united and they were playing a big festival in Paris on our one year wedding anniversary. It seemed like a sign! We figured if we had kids, we wouldn’t be able to travel freely like that for a while, so we took advantage of it. It was the trip of a lifetime, and I’m so grateful we were able to do it.
And then we capped it all off with several weeks in New York city, visiting friends, going to fashion week, going to plays and generally enjoying ourselves as a couple.
So here we are, two years after our wedding, expecting a baby girl in September and I’m happy to share her “origins.” Patty’s brother is our donor, which means she be genetically linked to Patty–such an amazing gift. Basically, as soon as we returned from New York, we started trying to conceive. Patty’s brother was so easy and on board! He lives in town & they are in a band together, so he was very flexible and able to come over when everything lined up. (I charted my period & tracked my fertility for a year, so I knew when I was about to ovulate.) Without going into too much detail, we used a jar & a feeding syringe…no doctors office needed. (If you are considering this method & would like more details, I’m happy to answer any questions!) And it worked on the second try!
I have to admit, I was a little shocked it happened so quickly…I was expecting at least six months of trying and was a little floored when I took that pregnancy test!! Are we really ready? A baby! But I trust that the universe gives us exactly what we need at the right time.
And now, nine months later, everything is different and it is going to change even more, more than I can even anticipate…All I can think about is baby, baby, baby! With only two weeks to go until our due date, everyone advises us: go out now, spend time with each other, go to dinner, movies–anything that you won’t be able to do without a babysitter. So I’m looking forward to enjoying these last weeks before a new chapter in wedded life begins.