Picture via Stephanie James Couture
Some brides totally rock their veils and look gorgeous, but I never wanted to wear a veil myself. It’s funny how this particular bridal accessory can hold so much cultural and personal meaning. For some, a veil can be that one thing that makes you feel like a bride. For others, wearing a veil is a meaningful religious tradition. And then there are people like me. Wearing a veil just makes me feel strange and uncomfortable, like I’m wearing a costume. When I was shopping for my dress, I noticed that dress shops really like to throw a veil on my head to try to coax out that tearful, “I’m a bride” moment. And, what if that’s just not me. Why is there this expectation that every bride MUST want a veil?
Some salespeople that I encountered acted like if you don’t want to try on a veil, you just don’t know what you REALLY want. I heard things like, ”Oh you think you don’t want a veil, but let’s just toss this on you anyway, and YOU’LL SEE!” I held my ground and the cool shops realized that they were better off throwing a birdcage or a big flower on my head than coming at me with yards of tulle. But the whole experience left a bad taste in my mouth. It was an unfortunate reminder that brides aren’t expected to know what they want or to deviate from the norm. I guess it was my first glimpse into what it means to not fit into the wedding industry mold, live and in person. In a sea of strapless, A-line ball gowns and cathedral length veils, I’m the lesbian looking at the four tea length dresses in the shop, and no I don’t want to try on a veil, thankyouverymuch. I’m just totally in awe of all of you ladies who are picking out beautiful suits and fighting the heterocentric stereotypes that come with wedding garb. Because dealing with other people’s wedding expectations can be exhausting, right? In the end, I decided that I just want a fancy, feather-y clip in my hair. I asked my dress designer to make something similar to the accessory (that she made) pictured above. Was anyone else caught off guard by the pressure to wear a veil?
When I tried on my dress, the salesperson immediately went for the veil, and it was one of those huge, poofy things that I detest, which took a lot away from the moment for me.
I went back and forth on whether I wanted to wear one, and although I finally decided I would, I totally understand the ‘grrrr’ feeling at being expected to wear a veil (and do a million other things as well).
Your entry made me think of this post, which I laughed really hard at: http://queserasera.org/archives/001339.html Make sure you click on the ‘veil’ link!
Alyia,
I LOVE the convo on that link. fab.
Yes! I ended up designing & making my own gown, but in the early days of my engagement when I was still “dress shopping,” I could not seem to get the sales people to understand that I did not want to wear a veil. For me, having been raised in a christian cult, it was a symbol of a bride as her father’s “property,” and it just angered me. Unfortunately nobody seemed to care what I thought about it. Even though I was the bride. Really disappointing.
Alyia- Exactly! Awesome link!
[...] Like Wasabi, I was too stoked on the idea of a veil so I’ve opted for a pretty silk flower instead. Brass & Amethyst Necklace by ArtWark on Etsy [...]