When we got married in England, we had two people in our wedding party: our brothers. Our Best Men, they were amazing. And for their wedding gifts we took the more ‘traditional’ route of giving them their wedding accessories: purple tie and cuff links for Alex’s brother, green tie and cuff links for my brother. Sorted.
Our wedding party in California, however, is much bigger: we each have a maid of honor, three bridesmaids plus my best friend is officiating. That’s 9 ladies total.
For ages now, we’ve known that we want our guests to wear white knots for marriage equality during the wedding. My maid of honor dutifully tied them and stored them in a clean Tupperware box months ago for safe keeping on the big day. We haven’t quite figured out how we’ll distribute them–in baskets and handed out before the ceremony or on the table during the reception–but they’ll be there. Regardless, we knew we wanted to get fancier ones for our ladies (and probably our parents & siblings as well) from Holden Marks, The Official White Knot Collection. While I’d love it if more than 10% of the net proceeds went to marriage equality campaigns, 10% is something and the lasting awareness even more. (I’ve also just emailed them to find out what their quantity discount is as $15/pin is a lot times 9 +)
White Knot Pins by Holden Marks
But what to go with the pins? Are the pins enough?
Because Alex and I both love tea–what can we say, we live in England–and it would be nice to have something from this little island to give our favorite ladies, I thought about mugs. Well, to be specific, our favorite mugs by Orla Kiely, an Irish designer based in London. Alex wasn’t super keen on the idea, but aren’t they pretty?
And, Alex does have a point: do we really want to figure out how to get 9 mugs to California from London (even if shipped from the website). Don’t we have enough to figure out logistically? The answer is we do, as you might realize as well from my posts, but we’ve also thought of another, unbreakable alternative: books.
I work for an educational charity called More To Life that, in addition to putting on personal development programmes, also has a small range of publications produced by some of my team members and written by one of the co-founders K. Bradford Brown. There is a set of 6 Guidelines that sit pretty on the shelf next to me at my desk on different themes: Creativity, Success, Love, Relationships, Feelings & Spirituality. I tend to pick one every other week or so, flip to a quote and leave in on my desk. And I recently brought a set home for Alex and I to have, and inside are quotes like this which just resonate with me, our relationship and what we want to create for our weddings:
Love doesn’t fix things. It transforms them. – K. Bradford Brown
Our wedding is all about love: our love and our commitment to the union based on love, the shared love of our families and friends coming together, an awareness that love is what will remain whether or not we actually get a piece of paper in October that says we are legally equal to other couples in my home state.
So, as you might guess, we’re thinking of giving each member of our wedding party a Guidelines to Love book as well as a White Knot pin. The books might not cut down on our logistical planning for the wedding, but we know we’ll be giving our ladies gifts for being our witnesses, supporters and friends that will stay with them for a long time after the actual day.
I LOVE the idea of the books! I think it’s a great gift, and very meaningful to what the day is supposed to be all about it!
Hello. This is my first time posting here, but I visit the site regularly and you are one of my favorite bloggers. :) I think your London wedding with Alex was divine and the idea of having weddings on both your home countries was a marvelous idea! :) You (and Alex) have inspired me and my partner to actively pursue the idea; we have been ambivalent to have 2 weddings in 2 different countries, but you have shown us that it is not just possible, but a great way to cement and strengthen the union and commitment that a wedding symbolizes.
I love your idea of a white knot for the wedding party (and for all the guests). It is a good symbolism of support and awareness for our plight for marriage equality which appears to be within our reach as citizens of the US in this lifetime. It saddens me that despite being considered one of the most diverse and heterogenous societies among all the nations, majority of Americans are still close-minded re: equality for all. Hopefully, and I do wish this sincerely with all my heart, come your wedding in October, California will have moved a few more steps forward towards equality. Nevertheless, I have no doubt that your wedding will be grand and special! :)
The books are a great idea in addition to the fancy white knots. If I may make a suggestion, to make your gifts to your wedding party more personalized, you could chose 1 quote from the book you are giving each of your bridesmaid/maid of honor/officiant, include a short handwritten note from both you and Alex, elaborating how that quote reminds you of that particular person and their role in the development/blossoming of your partnership (with Alex) [may also be a lesson you learned from her; advice you want to share with her... any quote appropriate for that person]. I think this is a good way to honor and thank your friends for their role, influence and support in your life. It will be more meaningful and touching to them, and it will be a good way for you and Alex to reminisce as well :)
Just a friendly suggestion. Whatever you guys decide, I know it will be amazing. You adding the books to the white knot is already amazing in itself. :)
I wish you all the best and congratulations again on your upcoming wedding! :D
Xam
Thanks, Mandy! Loving the recaps!
Hi Xam!
Thanks for your post (thanks for reading my posts, too!), and I’m sorry I didn’t see it until now! I think that is a fantastic idea to pick out a quote for each of them. The great thing about the books is that it is not just romantic love that it speaks to, but love of all kinds and we definitely love our ladies of honor. I will share your idea with Alex and figure out how we can implement it! (Just did: she loves the idea!!)
It’s perfect to get your comment this evening too as I was just sharing with a friend who’s taken a few of the courses with me who is also getting married this fall, and now she wants to include the quotes in her favors too!
As for having 2 wedding in 2 countries: it is so worth it. My best advice is to at least give yourself 6 months between each of them. Both events are full of logistics and they take time/patience/creativity. Plus, once the first one happens, you’ll want time to reflect & enjoy. We also feel like it’s given us the opportunities to really share with ALL of our friends and family AND include some of our favorite parts of our home countries into both events.
I wish you and your partner all the best in your planning and marriage, and would love to hear more if you want to share!
xoErica
P.S. Oh, and we’ve got another idea up our sleeve for favor pins, so you’ll have to let me know what you think when it’s posted!