Photo by Katherine O'Brien (text added via Picnik.com)
One of the most frequent questions we get asked is what our last name is going to be now that we are married. Are we combining last names to create a new one? Is Deborah taking my last name or vice versa? Our decision took about three minutes. We are hyphenating. We couldn’t think of a decent combo-name, and both of us love our last names too much to give them up! The hyphen seemed like a great compromise. The question was and still is– are we legally going to change our last names to include the hyphen?
Geez, I wish I could tell you. We want to change our names to somehow legally acknowledge that we are married, but the process is a little more complicated (and expensive) than we initially expected. I have been looking into the necessary protocol for a month now, and I am still just as confused as when I started out on my knowledge adventure.
Our first stop was this super cool website called MrsNowMrs, which allows you to input all of your information and it then fills out the nessecary forms for you. Then the site helps you file the forms to legally change your name. It is pretty great, and they are very LGBT friendly. I couldn’t find the necessary forms for Texas same-sex couples, so I emailed their web support and got an email within 24 hours.
” Unfortunately, we cannot assist you with your name change due to government regulations. Since you reside in a state that does not recognize your marriage you cannot obtain a name change going through the married name change process. You will need to obtain a legal name change through your local county court system in order to change to your new married name. Please let me know if you have any questions and I will be happy to assist you!”
They were really nice, but legalities are legalities. So, with the new found knowledge that we had to go through the county clerk system I took my search to Google.
Google is a big giant rabbit hole filled with scam sites and mounds of frustration, and our county clerks website isn’t exactly a fount of information. But I prevailed! I can fill out the required paperwork on legalzoom.com for a whopping $139 each (more than our power of attorney, btw) and then we have to pay the county a $222 court fee. We aren’t sure if we get to file together or separately, so for a sum total of $500-722 plus a few weeks to a few months for the paperwork, Deborah and I can legally hyphenate our names.
With our bank accounts rebounding from the wedding, we don’t really have the money to pay for this at the moment. It sounds silly, but we changed our names on facebook and all of our friends have us hyphenated on all of their contact lists. For the time being, this is okay. Not ideal, but it is something.
Ultimately, we want to have our names legally changed, but if it is this much hassle to just have our dang names changed then what about tax forms? Future big purchase items like cars or a house? Is it easier to just be known to our friends and family as our hyphenated last names and keep them non-hyphenated until we live in a state that legally recognizes our marriage?
Totally sucks how it’s just never that easy! I feel compelled to change our names because we have a kid involved and what unison for her sake. Never thought of the extravagant costs associated with it. Thanks for sharing this!
Thanks for sharing this point of view Michelle! I want to let you know that I’m not married yet but we do own a house together. My mom is a fabulous CPA and even not being married we both claim a percentage of the house on our taxes that are filed separately and both end up benefiting from our joint purchase. As for filing all of the paper work our names our different currently on all the forms and it wasn’t a problem, but I never even though about what would happen when and if I change my name. I am now wondering if all the forms have to be redone. Oy! Good luck with everything!
I remember offbeatbride.com used to advertise a company that would help you change your name whether the marriage was legally recognized or not. I checked the website, but I didn’t see it. If I remember correctly, it wasn’t very expensive. Good luck!
Thanks for this post! My partner and I didn’t do the name change because of the paperwork costs either. SUCKS!
They should start charging hetero couples the same…I bet that would serve to “preserve the sanctity of marriage” better than fighting against our rights lol let’s see how many of them would actually go through with it if the legalities were this difficult or costly for them lol
@Tami- I totally agree! Though the Vegas ‘Insta-Wedding’ market may become obsolete if people had to pay over $500 to change their name post ceremony!
@Christa- The website on offbeat the MissNowMrs site I talked about. They file everything for you for just $30– but you do have to provide a valid marriage license for your state, which we do not have.
We did it a little backwards. My partner changed her name here in Texas and we are planning our wedding for 2012. I think I still have the forms and she just had to go down to the court house twice, once to get the court date and once for the court date. It was two years ago but I think it was less than $150