You want to know one reason why same-sex marriage should be legalized? Because it’s been going on, in some form or another, for centuries. From the Roman Empire to the Ming Dynasty and beyond, LGBT couples have been pledging their commitment to each other. And guess what – society as a whole hasn’t imploded yet. Here are a few more modern facts in the history of gay marriage.
Let’s start with one of my favorite terms, the “Boston marriage.” Back then, ladies committed to other ladies and worked towards a future of equality, though the relationships weren’t always sexual. But with the word “marriage” in the title, it’s a safe bet that it was sometimes. With a form of same-sex marriage named after one of its cities, it’s no surprise that Massachusetts was the first state in this country to allow legal same-sex marriage.
According to the Advocate, “the first marriage in the nation designed to legally bind two persons of the same sex” was between Neva Heckman and Judith Belew on June 12, 1970. There are many other milestones in the next 30 years, but things really start to pick up steam for the LGBT-marriage movement in the beginning of the 21st century.
In the year 2000, Vermont becomes the first state to offer civil unions as a way for same-sex couples to pledge their commitment to each other, and in 2009, the state took the next step and approved same-sex marriage. The following year, the Netherlands became the first country to give same-sex couples all the rights afforded to heterosexual married couples.
Same-sex marriage was legalized in Connecticut in 2008, Iowa in 2009, and New Hampshire in 2010. It is recognized and performed nationwide in seven countries – Belgium, Canada, the Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Spain, and Sweden. Dozens of other countries and cities perform and recognize civil unions.
Looking back on the history of same-sex marriage, we’ve come a long way. Gay couples no longer have to live in secret, with one of them living as the opposite sex in order to gain approval from the community. But for every Neva Heckman, there’s a Fred Phelps. For each LGBT and LGBT-supportive person, there’s someone who calls our lifestyle deviant and says that we should not be afforded the same rights as heterosexual couples. Even though we are closer than we ever have been to marriage equality, what that amounts to is a mere 10% of the country allowing same-sex marriage.
So You’re EnGAYged is a wonderful resource for enGAYged couples, but what we as a community have to remember is though the wedding is important, the marriage is even more so. Each time a couple pledges commitment in front of friends and family (and God, if that’s what you believe), we’re taking an important step in the right direction. But it’s by living through example in a marriage that will help the world realize that we’re not so different from other couples.
It’s easy to get caught up in the wedding planning — the favors, the invites, the food, the reception — but through it all, it’s important to keep in mind that the wedding is only one day. The marriage is what our LGBT predecessors fought so strongly for. Let’s honor them and each other by living each day of our lives with the goal of not just a fabulous wedding, but a strong marriage.
It’s so cool to see you writing here again!
I hadn’t thought about legal marriage in the US in terms of percentage- it’s both heartening and sad to see it put that way.
It’s kind of ironic that the real heart of marriage- the desire to commit to another person, to love and support them- is something that no law can touch… yet the denial of those legal rights is such a clear statement of who is a full-fledged member of society and who’s not. I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiments of the whole post, but the last paragraph especially. It’s further inspiration to keep fighting, and it gives me hope that we’ll win in the end. I just hope I see that victory in my lifetime.
well said. i think it is insane that so many americans are denied basic civil rights, but so much more insane so many more americans are completely comfortable with that.
Monica, nice to see you blogging again! I have to agree with you about the marriage thing. My partner and I will have been together for 14 years in July. We have never had a ceremony or marriage. We would in a heartbeat if it was legal, and afforded us the rights of heterosexual married couples. However, our commitment is strong, and our friends and families know that we love and are committed to eachother. We could have a big wedding,(which would be nice)but we wouldn’t be any more committed to eachother than we are now. For me, I’m holding out until it is legal, and then we will have one heck of a shindig! ;) (Of course we may be doing that when we are 60 years old, hopefully it won’t take that long!)