Look, I don’t mean to knock tangible gifts– I’ve received some very nice ones over the years, and it can be great to have an object that reminds you of a certain moment. However, there are plenty of reasons why now might be a good time to move away from storebought items: maybe your income has been reduced in size or in stability. Maybe you’ve been trying to be more conscious of how much stuff you buy and use, where it comes from, and what the cost is to the planet and to the people in the country who made it. Maybe the whole wedding planning process has made you feel kind of like your relationship with your partner can be summed up by the color of the napkins you choose, or the graphic design on your invitations, or the favors you give your guests.
Each of those situations apply to Stacy and I to some degree, but to be honest I’ve always favored intangible gifts. I really love giving Stacy an experience, encouraging her to feel peaceful and relaxed and loved in a variety of different ways. Here are some of my favorites– and the reasons why they’re not cliches. Keep in mind, these are often best when combined with one another.
Photo via flickr.
The love letter. Think about it: when was the last time you received a handwritten letter? How surprised and delighted were you to see your name in someone’s handwriting, rather than Arial 12 or Helvetica 10.5? I adore letters for many reasons, not least because there’s a physical connection between the writer and the recipient. I’ll give you that there’s a tangible product in this one (the letter)… but the thing that makes it special is the intangible resources of your time, thought, and emotion that go into it.
A lot of people avoid writing letters because they don’t like their handwriting or they don’t know what to write, but these are easily fixable problems. If you don’t care for the way your writing looks, you can either a) spend extra time making sure you write nicely, b) ask a calligrapher to write the letter for you, or c) read the letter aloud before giving it to your partner. If you’re having trouble finding the words, keep in mind that in a world of flowery, overdone Hallmark cards, simplicity is a very powerful thing. List the things you love about your partner, recount a favorite memory, share a hope you have for the future. If you’re still struggling, go to the library or do a google search and find a classic love letter or poem to copy out. Trust me, writing it out for your partner makes it personal for both of you. Either way, your letter will be treasured, perhaps not just by your partner but by your future children and grandchildren as well.
photo via Flickr.
The peaceful bath. The great thing about baths is that they encourage us to slow down, to get lost in our own thoughts, to enjoy what’s going on around us. The cliche is to draw a bath for both of you (oh, behave!) but I’ve found that it can be sweet to just draw one for your partner– give them some alone time in a pleasant atmosphere that you create. Candles are a foregone conclusion, but they really do change the mood of your bathroom from “that place where I hurriedly brush my teeth every morning” to “safe haven”. Bring in a glass of wine and some music– in the past I’ve chosen Van Morrison’s ‘Moondance’ album, which steadfastly refuses to get any less awesome and romantic despite the passage of time. And of course there are about eight million different bath oils, soaps, and bubble baths to choose from– just make sure you choose a scent (or scent profile, i.e. floral, musky, woodsy, citrus) that you already know s/he enjoys, so they don’t spend the entire bath smelling something that’s distasteful to them. Conclude with a towel or robe that you’ve warmed up in the dryer, and I guarantee it’ll beat the pants off of flowers, chocolate, or jewelry.
Photo via flickr.
The amateur massage. Massages often get portrayed as a means to an end (and you all know what end I’m talking about here), but that’s certainly not all they can be. If you sent your partner to a spa for a massage, the staff’s intent would be to make her/him feel relaxed and peaceful, and that’s something that you can do for free at home. Hey– life is stressful. Helping your partner unwind is a very caring thing to do, and I think you’ll find that there’s really nothing quite like touch to bring you back to each other.
Back, shoulder, and neck massages are quite nice, but I like to focus on areas that don’t get much love– the hands, the legs, the head, and yes, the feet. These are places that are used almost constantly but are very rarely stretched or rubbed, so they hold a ton of tension. Gently stretch every joint, rub every muscle, smooth every inch of skin, and watch your partner gratefully melt into the kind of relaxation that people pay hundreds of dollars for. There’s a multitude of massage oils available, but you can also create your own by getting some safflower, almond, canola or jojoba oil and adding fresh herbs, flowers, or essential oils like lavender, mint, rosemary, jasmine, or sandalwood– all of which are most likely available at your local health food store. (I suggest letting them mix together in a plastic or glass container for a few days beforehand.) I also have to admit that giving a massage can be almost as relaxing as getting one– so there’s something in it for you too.
photo via Flickr.
Household chores. Stacy is full of ideas about what we should do around the house to make it cleaner, more pleasant, and more organized– so much so, in fact, that I’ve suggested she post a “We Should” list on the fridge instead of coming to me every thirty minutes with a new to-do item! If your partner is like her (and if you’re, like me, lovably lazy and/or disorganized), simply granting some of these wishes can be a surprisingly meaningful gesture. Take a moment to think of something that the two of you have been meaning to get to for a while– organizing the closet, caulking the gaps in the windows, going through those boxes in the basement left over from when you moved, getting the cats’ claws trimmed, putting your old photos into albums, defrosting the fridge, cleaning the oven… all those little things that life pushes to the back burner. Then… do them! How simple can you get? Best of all, this is a gift that in most cases requires no money whatsoever. With that said, it’s best to write out a little card or list telling your partner what you’ve accomplished, and if you’ve got a little extra money and aren’t artistically inclined, you can have a set of cards custom-made to detail the gestures you’ve made. Sending the message that you like to make your partner happy (and that you care about the living space that you two share) is easy, sweet, and sure to make them smile.
Love it, Love it, Love it!
Aww, thank you! :)