I already wrote a post about our wedding cupcakes, and I wrote a little something too about our experience trying to get a same-sex cake topper; so I thought for our 5 Takes Cake Week I would write a little something about Groom’s Cakes!
And here he is again, my Big Gay Armadillo Groom's Cake... Photo courtesy of S. Pyle
I think the idea of the groom’s cake is… weird. The generally believed idea these days about the reason and history of the groom’s cake is this – the wedding cake (like everything else about the wedding) is pretty, frilly, and the choice of the bride; so the groom get’s a manly cake to shore up his masculinity. Doesn’t sound much like something that fits neatly into the world of LGBT wedding planning, right? The actual history of the groom’s cake is a little more complex and fairly vague, best I can tell.
It seems commonly believed to have evolved as a Southern tradition, but timelines seem to be anywhere between the 17th and 19th century. It would seem that traditionally the wedding cake was a lighter cake, and the groom’s cake would be a darker cake, often fruitcake, and sometimes containing alcohol (or would be drenched in alcohol after the fact in order to preserve it). By some accounts it’s a tradition for the bride to surprise the groom with it, by others the groom picks it out himself, and by others the groom’s mother is supposed to bake it. I’ve also heard that the single women at the wedding take home slices to put under their pillows so that they can dream of the man they’ll marry (a little consolation prizes for the ladies who didn’t catch the bouquet, I suppose?)
Nowadays, groom’s cakes have evolved into cakes in shapes or themes that reflect the groom’s interests or are just generally more “masculine” in look and flavour. And everyone knows the classic groom’s cake scene from Steel Magnolia’s with the Bleedin’ Armadillo (which I honoured for our wedding for my own Southern “groom”). And in my groom’s cake online explorations for our wedding, I came across the phenomenon of having meatcakes for grooms (because apparently even just sugar is emasculating?). I also discovered the Butch Bakery, a New York City bakery that specializes in manly cupcakes. Obviously I initially thought it was *our* kind of butch, and was pretty stoked. Sadly, no such luck – but these guys take masculine baking to a whole new level, so my hat is off to them in their pursuit of the manly confection. I imagine these have made an appearance at many a wedding as the groom’s counterpart to the new trend of wedding cupcakes.
So, what’s the deal? The tradition of the groom’s cake gives me the “ickies” for reinforcing sex-based gender binaries that don’t apply to queer couples (never mind the implications of it’s ritual consumption!). *We* have weddings that have no grooms, or two grooms, or grooms that aren’t men, or proudly effeminate grooms who like their cakes pink and frilly – not to mention not-so-pink-and-frilly brides, and couples that just don’t jive with the bride and groom terminology at all. But I also think that cakes shapped like fun stuff are… well, um, fun! And often, as even some posts on this blog have discussed, the wedding cake itself can sometimes be a more complicated or even stressful part of the wedding planning, wherein family members, tradition, expectations, style or just the necessities of feeding large numbers of people can make the wedding cake choice a little less about whimsy, humour, or even just the couple’s personal preferences. So the groom’s cake presents the opportunity to focus more on personality and/or fun, and gendered roles aside it does make for a great gift or a way of involving a partner that hasn’t been as involved in other parts of planning. But again, the term itself “groom’s cake” just don’t fit like it should…
Personally, I liked using the term groom’s cake for our wedding because we had a really queer interpretation of what groom meant to us – but that doesn’t necessarily work for the concept as a whole. So let’s queer the groom’s cake! This is my call to the troops to find a good new name for the groom’s cake! What’ll be? Anyone got any good ideas? These are the days, my friends – we’re building the traditions of gay weddings one kick-ass matrimonial celebration at a time. So let’s stake our claim in this thing and make it our own!
I LOVE this blog!
How about the “Companion Cake?”
“The tradition of the groom’s cake gives me the ‘ickies’ for reinforcing sex-based gender binaries that don’t apply to queer couples…”
They shouldn’t be assumed to apply to straight couples either, but all the same I completely agree. Let’s call the so-called ‘groom’s cake’ what it is — a fun cake (wow, never let me go into marketing). Or, go all out: call it the heteronormative gender binary subversion cake!
We’re calling ours a ‘bride’s cake’ cause, well, we both like being called a brides (or the brides, collectively).
How about ‘Couple’s Cake’? Or ‘Joke Cake’ (attempt to be a better marketeer, and possibily failing…)