Archive for September, 2010

5 Takes: Family Wedding Drama

Posted on September 29th, 2010 by Wasabi. 2 Comments

Wasabi
Wedding Date: Spring 2011
Bio: I just finished up my MBA while planning our wedding, learning about Judaism, and hitting the ski slopes at every opportunity. My fiancée, Ginger, helps disabled kids here in New Orleans when she’s not reading or snowboarding. We are getting married on May 21, 2011 at a funky art museum in a traditional Jewish ceremony followed by an unconventional wedding reception.

By Lara Swanson

You know how every family has their own little brand of crazy? Well I think this stuff just gets amplified by the pressures and expectations of weddings. I want to share with you the things that we had trouble hashing out with our families. I would have thought for sure that the guest list and the budget would be things to argue over. Or maybe what traditions we will and won’t follow. But, I was completely blindsided by the things that ended up being difficult to come to a decision on, with each set of parents weighing in.

So many SYE bloggers have stepped up and let us all in on their family issues related to their wedding, and I think it’s brave and really helpful, so I’m gonna take a stab at it. As you may remember, we decided to fund the large bulk of the wedding expenses by splitting the cost between the two families equally. Obviously, if you want to avoid some of the parent drama, you could just pay for the wedding yourselves. That way everyone doesn’t have a stake in each decision.  But, unfortunately, that just wasn’t in the cards for us. So we had to compromise in a way that didn’t give up anything too vital to what Ginger and I want out of our wedding, while ensuring that we thought about what our parents and guests need to get out of the wedding too. (more…)

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Writing our Ceremony

Posted on September 28th, 2010 by Wasabi. 4 Comments

Wasabi
Wedding Date: Spring 2011
Bio: I just finished up my MBA while planning our wedding, learning about Judaism, and hitting the ski slopes at every opportunity. My fiancée, Ginger, helps disabled kids here in New Orleans when she’s not reading or snowboarding. We are getting married on May 21, 2011 at a funky art museum in a traditional Jewish ceremony followed by an unconventional wedding reception.

By Lara Swanson

I have to admit I was pretty lost when I first thought about writing our ceremony. The first hurdle was that it would be interfaith in some ways- but what ways? how much? (I was in the process of converting to Judaism, and its still very much a work in progress.) Then there was the bridal party- We want to honor our friends and family but in a non bridal party way. How do you do that? Last where do you go to find out how to write the ceremony, especially if your not planning to actually do any…writing? I needed explanations of traditions, prayers, readings from the Torah, and ways to acknowledge our Queer Marriage and particular legal status issues, but I didn’t really want to start from scratch and write it myself. Googling the indiebride ceremony readings thread was helpful, but I was still pretty lost despite the time put in. One of the nice things about a long engagement is that I can just shelve stuff on the to do list when I want. I had had over a year to go, so I knew I would figure it out eventually…or not, I guess?

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5 Takes: Family vs. A Destination Wedding

Posted on September 28th, 2010 by Brian. 2 Comments

Brian
Bio: Date of Marriage: Civil Ceremony in New Haven, CT on September 7, 2010 and Wedding at Las Caletas in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico on October 17, 2010. About me: I’m a college counselor living in NYC with Tom, my partner of 10 years, and two cats, Toby and Maude. I’m a traveler, an activist, a teacher, a favorite uncle, a knitter, a blogger, and a now - a husband. I’m a lover of all arts and a passionate pursuer of dreams and beer.

I love my family and I know they love me. They also love Tom and welcome him to our family. Whenever I talk to them on the phone they ask how he’s doing, if we are happy, and then when our conversations end, they tell me to tell him they love him. It took a long time getting to this point, but that’s where we are today and where we’ve been for a long time. They seem happy about my marriage as well. And once I decided to marry Tom, I let them know immediately. It’s almost storybook… almost.

My family is unable to attend my wedding in Mexico for financial reasons. With the current economic climate, my mother is out of work and my father’s business is not doing so well. Actually, last we spoke he was trying to sell it. My two aunts and uncle are also unable to come for the same reasons; many of my friends too. You have to expect that when you choose this type of wedding. It would be nice is everyone were rich, or at least me so that I could buy plane tickets and passports and hotel rooms for them.

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5 Takes: Getting Married With and Without Your Family

Posted on September 27th, 2010 by Mandy. 1 Comment

Mandy
Wedding Date: May 29th, 2010
Bio: I am currently in the process of of living happily-ever-after with my amazing spouse, Bek; brightening up our drudgery of grad school and non-profit administration by camping, traveling, drinking on the balcony, and planning the expansion of our family! Our recent projects have included throwing the best New York City wedding EVER.

About a year and a half before the big wedding that I’ve been writing about here on So You’re EnGAYged, we got married without our parents.  No family at all, no friends. We decided to get married, and then got hitched at city hall 9 days later. We told our parents beforehand, but we made it clear that it was just going to be the two of us. It wasn’t about not wanting them there – it was about wanting just the two of us there. And it was amazing! Everything about getting married was about US. And while it was tough to explain it to our families, I’ll never for one second regret the way we did it.

Our parents were all really good about it, and respected our decision. But we knew they were all disappointed to some degree that they weren’t included.

So later, when we decided to have a big wedding ceremony with all our friends and family, we had mixed responses. Everyone was happy, and excited, but a little… unsure of exactly what it meant. I think they had all worked really hard to be happy with the way we had gotten married, and made real efforts to respect our marriage despite having not been included in our marrying. We announced we wanted to do something that included them, and they didn’t really know how they were supposed to react. Add to this that we didn’t really know just how much of a “wedding” this was going to be, so it’s not like our parents got a whole lot of guidance from on us what to expect.

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