Okay, I need y’all to point me in the right direction. When Beau and I got engaged, I immediately started scouring the internet, local bridal boutiques, and area thrift stores for the perfect dress (which I ended up finding over at Janay A. Handmade‘s etsy shop). Finding a dress was difficult, but also kind of fun… I wanted to do it. However, the hunt for Beau’s outfit has been a different beast all together — in fact, we haven’t really even begun hunting… oops.
As I’m sure y’all are already aware, for butch women, staring down a formal event can be massively stress-inducing. A dress? Um… no. A suit? Yeah, maybe… if you can find one that fits. And shoes… oh shoes… there are so many fabulous ones, but they’re all so freakin’ BIG. Needless to say… we’re in a formal(ish) attire pickle. 
Our one saving grace has been H&M… they make slim cut suits for hipster boys that fit Beau almost perfectly (minus the boobs)… but the problem with H&M is that the suits they make in nice fabrics they’ll only sell as a set (pants and jacket together) and Beau’s measurements don’t line up… she would need to mix and match a different pants and jacket sizes and we don’t want to have to buy the same suit twice in different sizes… arg.
So, let me tell you what we want, and you, oh powerful internets, will tell us where to begin our search: A nice light grey, light wool, crisp, non-wrinkly pants/vest pair over a perfectly tailored white collared shirt with a fab tie and to top it off, some kick ass men’s shoes (for a women’s size seven feet). Does our dream outfit exist? Where do we begin? And can someone solve the boobs in men’s vests/shirts problem (any genderqueer-friendly tailors in the Baltimore/DC area)?
Have you looked at J Crew? My bridesmaid bought her vest/pants set there? They have great fabrics, too. I considered one of their women’s suits for my own outfit but ended up finding one at Banana Republic that had better flow for me.
We had exactly the same problem, so we searched and searched but eventually decided to get something made. My dressmaker is now making my dress and N’s suit.
I’ve previously had great success with Men’s Wearhouse. They will alter jackets (not sure if there is a fee or not) and I have always been treated like any other customer at their stores. I adore this. In fact, I will not consider renting my tux (and all of my bridesmates tuxes) at any other store. And even though I am a chesty girl, the last tux I rented there fitted me beautifully.
http://pics.livejournal.com/moonlightnrain/pic/0004dhah/g42
My bride found a pair of pants on sale, which we bought. She then found a shirt in my wardrobe (surprisingly) plus a waist coat in her wardrobe. The shape of all three items are perfect, but the colours and fabrics aren’t. We’re taking all three items to a tailor and getting them made in the same fabric (she’s planning on wearing ivory). So for $40 (for the pants) we have a great pattern for a tailor to work from.
I don’t have any suggestions in your area…i’m sorry!! but, i will say, my partner, patty did the vest/shirt/pants/tie thing and it was great!!! i thought she looked great & she was very comfortable. she really didn’t want to do the “dyke in a suit” thing, so the vest was awesome. (btw, our wedding is featured today as a matter of fact on this site as a “real wedding”, so you can check it out & see for yourself!)…
she ended up going to a specialty store for the pants and shirt (fred segal here in LA), urban outfitters (!) for the vest and she found the best shoes at macy’s mens. macy’s mens seemed to be the only men’s shoe store that went down to her size (a men’s 7, i think…). we were lucky enough to have someone we know do alterations. the only thing that was a little weird was that she got awesome men’s low rise pants that fit her really well, but the vest didn’t come all the way down in the back, so in retrospect, i would have altered that too…so maybe something to look for when you get the vest? oh, and she didn’t try to do match-y with the vest & pants, in fact, the pants are just solid brown, so then she easily found a patterned vest that went well…just a thought for the fabrics…
she didn’t “bind” but the vest did a good job, i think…then, she just unbuttoned the vest later for dancing, etc. also, for her, men’s low rise pants seem to work well since they don’t go so far up on the hips…so maybe check for low-rise pants.
don’t know if those tips help at all…but good luck!!!
xox
Thanks so much for all the suggestions. I’ll keep you all updated!
oh, too bad you’re not having a beach wedding! I just found a store (future MIL sent it, actually) that sells women’s guayabera (cuban) shirts that are really great–www.mycubanstore.com. For men’s shoes, go to the kids’ section! She’ll be a size 5, and any decent store should have plenty of dress shoes to choose from. Other than that I’d say go to a tailor for the rest. I’ve only had good experiences with them, even the ones in dodgy little shops under train stations they really know what they’re doing, and probably won’t even bat an eyelash at a woman wanting a nice suit fitted.
Some super-fashionable kids’ store might be the best bet for shoes – a woman’s 7 is about a boy’s 5, right?
I’m having the same issue. I don’t want to wear a tux, and I don’t want to be UBER butch either. I live in Tampa Florida, but am going to look into other options. Wedding isn’t until March of next year thank goodness. Good luck!
Amy
Hi, good post. I have been wondering about this issue,so thanks for posting.
Okay, we’ve finally made the some attire decisions! Whoo hooo! Read the part two post for the latest.