There I was, happily planning the wedding without a care in the world (I find the budget constraint sort of a pleasant challenge since I know that if we go over we probably still have some time to drum up a little extra cash to cover it). Every decision I made Lynn liked, and the few that she didn’t were easy for me to compromise on. Perfection! Why do so many couples talk about wedding stress? This is a big, fun, party we’re planning here!
And then. Then I threw out the idea of getting invitations for our rehearsal dinner. I had figured that it would be a family picnic for our wedding party, parents, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. Lynn’s family has a cabin called Bear Hammock in the middle of a national park (it was her great-great-great grandparents’ homestead, so the government couldn’t take it when they made the area into a park) which is both beautiful and really really cool, so I was thinking bbq, guitars, campfire, and general merriment. But Lynn’s mom was not having it. Too many people, too little space, no, no, no.
So I tried again—there’s a state park that we love on the site of a funky little religious cult from the turn of the century (they thought we lived inside a hollow earth and that the heavens were in the center, among other things). We’d originally wanted the wedding there but between accessibility issues and rental costs it didn’t work. Why not move the family picnic there? No, no, no. Still too many people, too much stuff to coordinate, too far away. No.
Third time’s the charm? We finally decided to have a smaller dinner for just the wedding party and our parents at a local restaurant. There’s a Uruguayan restaurant not too far away that looks reasonably priced. We’re going to Uruguay for our honeymoon, so I thought that was perfect. Again, no. Lynn would prefer Thai. –sigh- At least in this case we can come to some sort of compromise. She’s in Naples checking out the Thai and Uruguayan restaurants and we’ll decide based on space and cost (and whether they’ll let us take over their restaurant on a Friday night in high tourist season). All things being equal Uruguay wins since most people don’t have that kind of restaurant nearby and almost everyone has decent Thai. But if it’s cheaper or easier or generally nicer to have Thai, that wins.
This whole mess has helped me understand all of the wedding stress people talk about. Thankfully we mostly agree on things and our parents are mostly on-board with the details (or in my dad’s case just not terribly interested as long as there’s food). So I’m telling myself that it wouldn’t be a wedding if there weren’t one big hold-out, screw-this, why-do-we-even-need-to-have-a-wedding fight. Just one. To get it out of our systems. And I’m glad it’s been over something silly and trivial and not something that is really important to either of us.
How have your fights been going? Anyone getting out of this unscathed? What would be your pick—Thai or Uruguayan?
Yea, everything has been smooth sailing, except the date. Between complaints about weather from our families, and the limitations caused by Jewish holidays in the spring, we have changed the date three times. Sigh…
Our one big argument so far has been about what to wear. This was one area Chris was really adamant about (no matching or even coordinated bridal party; at least semi-casual; she must wear Adidas), so I thought I had a pretty clear idea of what we’d decided. Then one night out drinking with some friends, Chris announced that she’d be wearing a cloak, and asked our officiant (also her best friend) to wear his also for the ceremony. I thought she was joking, and said no (ok, it was a little ruder than “no”.) Except, she was definitely not joking. We got into a huge fight at home that night, including many tears and several blustery we-don’t-even-have-to-have-a-stupid-wedding threats.
Thankfully, we’ve since worked it out (no cloaks, if you’re wondering) and we’ve had good conversations about better ways to introduce new, potentially combustive, wedding ideas. But those were an ugly few months of conflict. It was definitely stressful!
I’m glad that your conflict is (almost) behind you… for the record, I’d pick Uruguayan, especially with your honeymoon tie-in. :) Good luck choosing!!
oh man! cloaks! that could be cool (especially with those headpieces!) but only if it matches everything else you’re doing. I can see how it might not be the easiest thing to take on board out of the blue like that.
Uruguay did, in fact, win. Mostly because Lynn went with her mom and the owner immediately came out, fed them with some really great tapas-style samples, said he’d work within our budget, didn’t flinch at the mention of a second bride, and was completely friendly and welcoming. Also, I love parradilla!