“To be or not to be…that is the question”
When William Shakespeare penned those famous words, I’m not quite sure he would reference it when discussing lesbian weddings, none the less, I found it a fitting title for this week’s blog. As you know from my last blog, I recently discovered the perfect ring…and have been trying to decide when & where would be the ideal time & place to actually propose. Well, in the midst of all this, it hit me, do I need to talk to Glenda’s parents about my “intentions”. How awkward does that sound, “my intentions”, it’s not like it’s the medieval days where I had to get permission to take home my new possession…proving that I could support thy lady and bear lots of strong offspring to carry on the family legacy. I mean, do lesbians actually do this? Think about it, for what can be perceived (by some) as such a non-traditional relationship…is this tradition expected?
Here was my dilemma: I suppose I am a traditionalist of sorts…I value a proposal, the symbolism of a wedding, exchanging vows, first dances, etc. So, I was struggling with this decision for quite some time. Not because I feel it’s a “right of passage” or that I feel that I have to get permission to be with her, but, because…I think it might be important to Glenda & her family. She comes from a fairly traditional family, so I truly believed that her parents would appreciate my involving them in the process. They haven’t been exposed to many gay relationships, so the last thing I would want to do is make them uncomfortable. Ya know, me dating their daughter is one thing…but me asking to legally commit to her forever is another…how would they react?! ***Let me make the disclaimer now, they are amazing people, very very supportive of their daughter, and of us together. Bottom line, they are awesome, and I LOOOOVE THEM!*** I was really nervous, almost hesitant to do it. Do I really want to hear their reaction? Not that they would oppose, but, not hearing a sense of excitement in their voice might be mildly heartbreaking. Ahhh, I don’t know?!
So, after much deliberation, what I finally decided was…my gaining their respect & blessing is worth an awkward conversation and warrants any nerves that may have accompanied the conversation. So, I was going to talk to them! Now, note…I said I was going to talk to them, not “ask for their blessing”. I figured that in this day and age, adults decide for themselves who they want to spend their lives with…as did Glenda & I. So, the purpose of my phone call to her parents was to more or less, give them a heads up on where I stand, and how I foresee our future. I wanted them to know that I loved their daughter for all that she is, and that I intend to make her happy, etc. Of course, it was more eloquently said, but all in all, that was the message I conveyed. I made a point to say how I wanted to involve them in the process as much as possible, and that I hope they can share in the excitement of what the future hold for all of us. I was so glad that I called!! Her father thanked me for calling them, and recognized the courage it took to do so. They knew I respected Glenda, and them, and the whole ideal of marriage. So, all in all, I was glad that I made that awkward 5 minute phone call, hopefully it will provide a lifetime of support, respect and happiness for OUR family!! Next step in this process…the proposal…stay tuned!
Love,
Elphaba
That’s a huge step to take and some giant giant guts. My stomach was flopping a little and I hurriedly scanned the post to see their reaction. I’m such a traditionalist. Hells, I went to Junior Cotillion to learn how to be ‘a lady’ and wait for punch and I even wore the white gloves. It’s in my family and in my background. But Natalie and I also took tradition and kind of played with it…and made it ours. And it sounds like your on the right path to do just that :)
That’s is a very nerve racking, hard thing to do! I’m so happy it turned out well! And you win some brownie points with the family I’m sure!
I am so excited for you! I absolutely can’t wait for the proposal story!
good choice and well done!
I asked my lady’s mother. It was nerve racking…but in the end, worth every minute of it. She (my mother in law to be) will never-ever forget it, and I have a free pass for some time ahead. Go for it. They will love you for it.