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I would rather not have to hear:
1) “Whose parents are the bride’s parents?”
2) “Are you going to have a REAL wedding?”
3) “Is that legal in Maryland now?”
4) “Oh, waiting two years is good. Maybe you will have more states to choose from.”
I don’t have to explain to you why I wince when I hear stuff like this. I just have to remind myself that our friends and family have been overwhelmingly supportive of Ginger and I, and our relationship, and well, we all get these crazy questions, right? What have you heard that got under your skin?
Lots of people have been asking us if it’s legal as well, but I actually don’t mind the questions. Mostly people are totally respectful but they honestly don’t know, and I’m doing my best to embrace the extent to which having a big fat gay wedding is still a political act. I’m actually thinking of putting an FAQ on our wedding website with answers to these all-too-common queries. Some will have to be a bit tongue-in-cheek, of course.
An FAQ is a great idea. I would have to talk Ginger into making a wedding website first, which she is opposed to. She thinks its unnecessary. But, that would be a good way to field these questions. I just wish more people knew about the fight for marriage equality in their own state.
Beau and I got legally married in CA before the vote (because we’re not residents of MA and this was before MA made it legal for non-residents and before CT made it legal at all). So even though we’re planning our big wedding for August, we actually already did the legal deed. We went out there because it was important for us to have our marriage be legal (if only a little bit)… anyway, because of that we get a lot of questions about whether or not we’re already married… so we put a page on our wedding website entitled “wait a minute… didn’t you already get married” that explains the whole thing. A lot of folks have commented that it really helped them understand. It’s annoying that we have to do so much explaining, but, hey… that’s the way it is, I guess.
We are permanent residents in British Columbia, and I have often found myself answering the kindly-meant question, “and you choose to get married out here…?” first explaining that we’re originally from New York and Maine. [Wait for it.] Right, it’s not recognized out there. Yes, really.
I hear you Katie T! So many questions about legality…and it’s really not the person asking that bothers me, it’s the answer. Who wants to say, “No, it won’t be legal, because we live in Louisiana, and it’s pretty clear that a MA marriage license means nothing here.” I hate that reality. It might mean alot to do that for other reasons, but one of them isn’t because then we would be seen as legally married in either LA or MD. Boo!
Is that LEGAL?
Did you tell your family?
Why did you have to do that, you’ve been together FOREVER.
You’re so extreme (that’s my favorite… a lesbian said that one).
“So, if gay marriage is legal, how will they stop friends from getting married just for the legal benefits?” Hmm, this is a bigger problem in gay marriages than straight ones how, exactly?