Our wedding site
It was a typical girls’ night at the Hole four years ago when I first laid eyes on my fiance – the East Village gay bar pulsated with the typical hipster lesbo crowd. I was sure I’d never find love amongst all those hideous trucker caps and inescapable fauxhawk hairdos. That is, until my friend Jenni introduced me to the woman who played drums in her former band. George*. Sigh. It’s a cliché but from the moment we were introduced it felt as if we were the only two people in that smelly, sticky club.
Fast forward four years, three apartments, two cats, and one death (my mother’s) later, to last Fourth of July. George proposed and I gleefully accepted. I’d been so looking forward to being engaged that I was totally unprepared for all the questions that followed our announcement: Have you set the date? Where’s it going to be? And the inevitable: Is that legal?
The one question we were spared was the tried and true: Which one of you is the groom? George isn’t trans but she doesn’t identify with much girly (other than, say, her secret passion for romantic comedies and soap operas). It was clear to us both that she’d be the one proposing and I’d be the one sporting the sparkly bauble, and that she’d be suited up for her walk down the aisle and I’d be the one in the big white dress.
George still plays drums in her busy Brooklyn-based band and works full time as a chef. I’m a full-time editor at a magazine and a part-time photography grad student. We knew we wanted to get married this coming summer because next year I’ll be hard at work on my masters thesis. But we also knew that with both of us so busy we’d need some serious planning help. We came up with a budget, found a planner (more on her later) and picked a spot.
Though we live in Brooklyn, we we wanted to say our vows outdoors. We’ll be married June 14th, rain or shine, in the backyard of a small inn in New York’s Hudson Valley, right in the shadow of the Shawangunk Mountains. We started out with the idea of a small wedding, but it quickly grew to an invite list of 125. We’re having a biggish wedding party too — five friends on each side, some in dresses, some in suits — all ladies. Oh yeah, and two flower girls.
I think if I had gotten engaged to a man instead of a woman, I’d be struggling to make it as offbeat, indie, and anti-establishment as possible. I’d probably tie the knot at City Hall and throw a big barbecue. But because I’m not, because I’m marrying this gorgeous, sexy, boyish woman, I feel an incredibly strong urge to participate in all the rituals of the culture. For lots of reasons, partly because I’m generally neurotic, partly because of gross wedding consumerisim, and partly because of negative ideas about gay marriage that I’ve more than likely picked up from the culture at large, it’s been a struggle for me to own this identity of “bride.” Now, seven months into the planning process, I’m finally figuring out what kind of wedding I want, and who I am in all of this.
Thanks everyone for reading. I look forward to answering any and all questions and hearing about your wedding plans too.
xo
Roxy
*All names have been changed, by the way. Roxy and George are our two adorable cats:
George on the left, Roxy on the right
Hi Roxy! I have to confess that ginger and wasabi are our two cats, too funny!
I completely identify with your account of how you relate to the traditional-ness/off-beat-i-ness of your wedding — it’s fantastic to hear the same ideas coming from someone else!