It’s official…I’m enGAYged!

Ok, with that said…a brief introduction before the proposal story. ME: (Elphaba) Corinne, 31, Account Manager for global research solutions company…FL native…self proclaimed comedic-genius, social butterfly, trivia champ, balanced, tomboy. MY FIANCEE: (Glenda) Lisa, 25, Case Manager for local non-profit…my very own California girl…eco-friendly, kind-hearted, crafty, mush-pot, beautiful! We have two, 4-legged feline roommates…Macy Gray & Sweet Potato (Tatie)…a great circle of friends, and an equally wonderful family.

Corinne & Lisa

On to the proposal story – Yes, this past weekend…on Sat., 3/21, I proposed to my now fiancee at Bowman’s Beach on Sanibel Island, on Florida’s west coast. It was casual and sweet…and what we describe as perfect! We (along with some friends) went over to the west coast to catch a show in Ft. Myers and to spend some time on the beach relaxing. I wasn’t 100% sure I was going to propose, but, I brought the ring just to be safe. I didn’t think that Lisa would suspect anything because we were on the weekend getaway with friends, so, there was potential for a great surprise. So, on Friday when I was at home, I was sure to pack the ring in my bag, stuffed between my flip flops. We drove over that night, checked into our cute little motel, relaxed under the stars with friends and welcomed the weekend. Saturday morning rolls around, and we decide we are going to head over to the island to visit Sanibel & Captiva. Lisa hops in the shower and I take the opportunity to grab the ring out of the ridiculously large box it was in (seriously, there was no way that thing was going to hide in my pocket) and put it in my pocket. My best friend “TP” was aware that my popping the question was a possibility, so, we were in cahoots on capturing the perfect moment. So, at this point, we are sitting on the front porch of our motel room quietly talking about the plans…where, when, how?  TP also managed to terrify me with the simple statement “you better make sure there aren’t any holes in your pockets!”.  HOLES IN MY POCKETS…that phrase stuck with me all morning…no joke…my hand was in my pocket for probably 2 straight hours. So, we all hop in the car and head over to the island, we decide to have breakfast first. Now, if you know me, you know that I LOVE me a good hearty breakfast…so, I find it funny that Lisa didn’t pick up on the fact that I barely touched my meal…TOO NERVOUS!

So, we drive for a while and stumble upon a nice little beach. It was a gorgeous day, sun was shining yet not too hot, nor cold. We all walked down to the beach amidst beautiful foliage and a nice boardwalk…. surrounded by ideal Florida scenery. The beach itself was gorgeous…the water was bright blue and the sand soft & cool beneath our feet. IT was PERFECT! Now, earlier, I told TP that if I ask Lisa to go for a walk than that was the clue that I was going to ask…so, you can imagine her expression when I jumped up and suggested my lady and I take a relaxing stroll down the beach. So, Lisa and I go on our way…kicking the water, chatting, laughing…savoring the moment…

SOOOOOOOO…a short ways down, when we weren’t completely surrounded by people, I think to myself, this is it…do it!

Me: I love you

Lisa: I love you too.

Me: I want to marry you. (we say this often, so, she didn’t think anything of it)

Lisa: I want to marry you too.

Me: You do? Good…(pause) then come here… (I pull her close to me) I love you so much, and I want nothing more than to marry you…so…(pull out the ring) Will you marry me?

Lisa: (through tears) Yes! (nervous laughter, tears, nervous laughter, tears)

At this point, I stumble through putting the ring on her finger…THE WRONG HAND…Lisa giggles, corrects my mistake and we kiss & hug for maybe 2 minutes. It was amazing! Even though we had people walking around us, at that exact moment, it was just us. Perfect. Now, TP knew what was happening so she was down the beach with her camera zoomed as much as possible capturing the moment, see below:

Popping the question.

She said YES

We eventually made our way back to our friends on the beach, who were excited and congratulated us immediately. Then it happened, reality set in, we began calling our families sharing the news. Everyone was thrilled! Lisa just kept looking down at her hand in amazement, as did I, we were engaged…wow. She loved the ring, so we snapped a few pics of it to share via email with her long distance family (and you guys, of course):

It’s funny, I played out so many ideas in my head…many which were very elaborate (I tend to go “all in” when I plan something, borderline over the top)…but for some reason, the simplicity of the beach on a gorgeous spring day just seemed right. I think Lisa agrees!

Now, on to planning the wedding…stay tuned!!!

- Corinne (the blogger formerly known as Elphaba)

About Parrot Tulips(via the knot): Also known as the Rembrandt or parakeet tulip, this showy bloom is noted for its ruffled, striped petals in intense colors. Some varieties feature fringe-tipped petals for added drama. Although beautiful, their full, heavy heads tend to sag and droop and may cause stems to curve, which make them somewhat unpredictable when used in arrangements.
Season
November-May
Colors
white/green, yellow. red, orange/green, pink/green
Scent
none
Cost
$$-$$$

I love parrot tulips in bunches. They are so frilly and in your face. Paired with the cream silk table runner and wooden utensils, I can see this wedding would be classy with a hot after taste.

This vintage dress totally echoes the form of the tulip, via Kelly Oshira.

Wooden programs with raw silk wrapped around a stick and printed on. This is just too perfect. Via Willi Nilli.

Ignore the color, but have square cakes with your parrot tulips on top! Via Martha

A wood stick with naturally dyed silk ribbon tied on. Via flickr.

I wanted to announce the winner of the “Marriage is so gay” Tshirt! Using a random number generator we got:

2!!

Raven thanks so much for commenting and you won the tshirt!!

Over at Party Perfect, we get a glance at adorable cupcake liners. So cheap + colorful.

Amazing Jewish invitations from PaperWink. And yes, they do non-Jewish invites.

Silver, glitter, vintage labels and packaging to inspire you.

Hot mailing labels to download and print.

Save the Dates using glassine envelopes- it’s too pretty to miss.

Ok, I have no clue what you could put in these, but I’m a huge fan of anything mini. Mini gable boxes!

Ms.Grrrl Bio|Posts

Oh rings…

Honestly, before getting engaged, I had never really given much though to them.  I definitely hadn’t been one of those people who noticed peoples’ left hands or dreamed about one day having someone, down on bended knee, offering me some blingy, blingy bling.  I was totally oblivious to the strange ring comparison games that happened between my female co-workers at the lunch table — I mean, until I started reading wedding blogs, I just had no freakin’ clue about the insane importance bestowed by so many women onto their (and other people’s) engagement rings.  Who knew?  Apparently everyone but me.  Foiled again.

So… when we started talking about getting engaged, I was thoroughly unprepared to answer the ring question.  Here’s what I did know: I wanted a ring and I didn’t want any diamonds on it.  Why the ring? Well… they’re pretty.  Why no diamond? For a few reasons: conflict diamonds = scary, all diamonds = artificially priced insanely high.  So when Beau proposed, she did it with a pearl ring.  This was perfect for a lot of reasons: 1. the pearl is the traditional engagement gift in several European cultures (pre-dating the diamond which didn’t enter onto the engagement scene until the 1920s when the diamond industry saw a chance to make a profit), 2. pearls are pretty, 3. pearls are relatively inexpensive. (After her proposal we got Beau a ring too… people always ask us (mostly straight people) if we wear the same ring… we don’t… her’s is a tension set sapphire, mine is a pearl with sapphires framing it).

However, sad as it may be because I LOVE my ring, I have come to realize that there is a reason people don’t wear pearl engagement rings… they’re just not that sturdy.  My dang pearl keeps fallin’ off the sucker!  I mean, I’m holding my engagement ring together with super-glue!  This shit is whack!

So… here’s what I think… when we get married I’ll exchange my engagement ring for a wedding band that will be impossible to break (maybe white gold or, if I’m feeling flush with cash, platinum) and I’ll take off the pearl (sad).  Here’s my latest favorite:

From bcyrjewelry at etsy.com

What are you planning on? No ring? Two? One? Ring pop?

*By Roxy*

Bookish as I am, one of the first things I did upon my engagement was to go to the library. I got a stack of wedding planning books (most of them scary and fairly useless), but my favorite by far was Rebecca Mead’s One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding. She went a little bit overboard in her vilification of the industry (as far as I’m concerned, at least), but one of her most interesting ideas was that of the marketing of the “traditionalesque.” She talks about all the things that are sold to brides in the name of “tradition” when really those things, and in fact, the big white wedding itself, is a thoroughly modern invention.

One of the most hilarious is the so-called “Apache Wedding Blessing.” I had never heard of it when I read the book, but now, a good nine months into serious wedding-culture immersion, I seem to keep bumping into it. Here’s the text; it may be fairly familiar to most of you.

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth for the other.
Now there is no more loneliness.
Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.
May your days together be good and long
upon the earth.

I just want to point out, for those of you who are thinking of using this at their wedding, and who think that this is a nice way to incorporate a Native American wedding tradition, that this is a poem invented for a Hollywood movie in 1950. It was written for Broken Arrow by the nice Jewish screenwriter Albert Maltz.

And while I’m on my soapbox, how about a mini-rant about the Unity Candle? Did you know that it’s only been around for the last thirty years? It was most likely invented by a wedding planner and became popular because of its use in a soap opera wedding. Every time I see it used in a religious ceremony, I just have to roll my eyes to myself. Because even if it weren’t a pop-cultural invention, as a symbol it’s fairly trite.

Just to clarify: I’m not being prescriptive here. Of course you should have a Unity Candle and the Apache Wedding Prayer if you want them. But be aware that their origin is not tradition, but Hollywood.

Ok, So I’m a party pooper. I’m a green freak and was so excited to see green weddings becoming a new trend. Recently, another trend in the exact opposite direction has sprouted up. Balloons. Oh yes, wouldn’t releasing balloons be so much fun? So pretty?

Sure, if you don’t mind a dozen or so marine animals and birds choking on your fun and dieing.  I have written about this before. But the trend seems to just get bigger! I just can’t understand it. In our effort to green weddings and still make them pretty, there are plenty of options. Yes, balloons are cheap- but the animals pay the ultimate price.

Help spread the word! If you see a blog post with pretty balloon pictures, link to this post to remind bride and grooms that balloons are not safe for our environment or the animals in it. The balloon industry has repeatedly stated that their products are safe but not a single scientific study agrees with that- nor do any of the marine or wildlife organizations.

Here are some blog posts that get my green panties in a bunch: here, here and here.

Learn more about balloons are their harmful effect on our world: here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Don’t forget to comment over here to win a free Marriage is so gay Tshirt! Today is your last chance to enter!

That's My Box

Lauren and I have decided to register for a honeymoon instead of housewares. Last weekend I did a thorough once-over of the offerings. Check my blog for the basics; I saved the juicy gay details for So You’re Engayged!

So, in terms of being gay-friendly, the ultimate litmus test of sites like this is which bo they make us check to describe ourselves. Can we register as ”bride” and “bride” ? Or do we have to squeeze ourselves into the traditional “bride” and “groom”? Or better yet do we have to frump around in the unflattering, but universally understood, “partner”? Now, instead of the “Ms.” or “Mrs.” dilemmas of yore or the “single”, “married” headache, we get to agonize over the significance and subtleties of “bride” vs. “partner”. El boring.

So, I registered at four sites. Honeymoon Wishes and the Big Day get the big thumbs down on this test. On Honeymoon Wishes , the drop down menu for the first registrant only offers “bride”, “partner” and “wife” as choices, as though a groom would never take the wheel on registering for a honeymoon. And the second registrant, no matter which title you pick for the first, must be “groom”, “partner” or “husband”. So Fred and Thelma.

On The Big Day, the first registrant can be a “bride”, “groom” or “partner”, but if you chose “partner”, the drop down menu for the second registrant automatically becomes “partner” and if you choose “bride” or “groom”, the drop-down menu for the second registrant automatically excludes “partner”! They literally take choices away from people who label themselves as a “partner”! Since partner is code for “gay” these days, I was actually pretty miffed, even surprised, that they would take away choices if I labeled myself as a “partner”. If I choose the word “partner” to describe the first registrant,  they could at least add “very good friend” or “college roomate” to my list of choices for the second. (El sarcasm).

The Honeymoon dispensed with all agonizing by calling both first and second registrants “partner” and “partner”, plain and simple, while the Honeyfund wins the award for letting both registrants identify as “bride”, “groom” and “partner” with no contingencies.

At any rate, I am going to lobby for The Big Day when I present my findings to Lauren. Aside from the miscellany wedding-type reasons a girl might make such a decision, I will certainly have more pull with the company if we are paying for their services. Look forward to the well-written email in which I recommend a few changes they might be able to make to their drop downs. I’ve already used the power of the pen to advance good, it is only fitting that I now turn my epistolary atttentions to evil.

Bernadette Smith, President of It’s About Time Events, runs a business and blog dedicated to producing beautiful, meaningful and memorable events that are a vehicle for social change. It’s About Time is the nation’s first business specializing in the planning of legal gay and lesbian weddings. Bernadette has planned over 70 weddings!

What do you love about what you do?

My clients. I meet so many wonderfully diverse and interesting couples. It’s a joy to be invited into their lives as they are planning a once in a lifetime experience. I also love the variety of tasks and projects that are part of the job description of a wedding and event planner – everything from contract negotiation to event design and emotional support. The variety is fun and keeps me on my toes.

How did you get into doing what you do?

My company is the only company in the country that specializes in planning legal same-sex weddings. We were the first and remain the only company with this niche. I opened my business soon after same-sex marriage was legalized in Massachusetts in November 2003. I was open for business a few months later and the first legal same-sex weddings in the US happened on May 17, 2004.

Event planning had always been a part of my job description for other organizations and the rallies opposing same-sex marriage in late 2003 and early 2004 provided me with the inspiration and motivation to offer a wedding planning service to same-sex couples.

What do you wear when you’re doing what you do?

Day of event, I wear a business suit. In meetings I typically wear nice jeans, an oxford and a blazer.

Tell me about the industry, and why it’s hard out there for same-sex couples.

Weddings are still a very heterosexist industry and part of my job is to be an advocate for my clients – not only helping them with logistics and details but with personal decisions and ensuring their continual comfort level.

I have worked many gay weddings and the thing I am continually telling clients is that this is their opportunity to have a wedding that reflects their own values, personality and style. This is about them, not about anyone else, and there are no traditions they must adhere to. They can create their own traditions.

Do you have a favorite “moment” that happens while you’re doing your job?

Two favorite moments:

1) When I am taking clients on venue visits in the very early stage of planning and they walk into a space, look at each other with wide eyes and know they’ve found the place in which they’ll marry. They always get giddy with excitement. It’s fun.

2) The wedding ceremony. That’s what it’s truly all about – the ceremony, the legitimization and legalization of their relationship. I love ceremonies that are very personal, officiated by someone who knows the couple and speaks in a very heartfelt way.

Rave time!

“This will be our easiest thank you card to write because we have no shortage of great things to say about you! You were a dream to work with – fun, chill, yet professional enough to get stuff done and crack the whip when needed. We both decided that our wedding was the funnest we’d ever been to, 100% awesome.” – Tina and Ariadne

“Thank you so much for assisting us in bringing our dream of getting married to a reality. We got so many compliments from family and friends on the wedding and we owe it all to you! The whole day was wonderful and well planned – thank you for all your hard work!” – Joan and Cecilia

“Rest assured that I’ll be recommending you to anyone who needs a planner. We’ve been telling everyone how thrilled we were with the way things went off, and how we know that wouldn’t have happened without you. All the STRESS of the event went away, because it was so clearly under control. Thanks again.” – Tim and Cooper